First of, like Chikaa said, the layout is very pretty and adds a great vibe to the story. :cute:
You start out gracefully. I've always admired your writing. You keep everything description, but simplistic enough that I don't get bored from the details. You don't have to make a big deal out of everything going on in the wedding but I can still see the ceremony crystal clear.
The line It ended, like any other wedding, with a kiss really caught me. I'm not sure why, but I really liked it. It was just a very nice line.
I have to admit, some of the descriptions you use for this male character are somewhat hackneyed. Such as eyes black as night. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I just think you should avoid those type of descriptions next time and get more creative with his image.
The ending is very beautiful, nonetheless. The entire story, as short as it was, built up to this very moment so well. She watched the wedding almost as if she had the feeling he would never approach her, but he did.
The lyrics to whatever he is singing fit so nicely. I especially love how "It's been--" is cut off, and then when you go to the top you realize that part, "a while," is the second part of that line. I love it when authors flip-flop their parts for a meaningful effect.
I will tell you, it was meaningful. Incredibly meaningful. I could feel what she felt. You have a talent for emotional portrayal.
OMG, I love your layout. I love being first to comment too, because it always makes the author happy :]] From my experience anyway. Although I am still awaiting my first comment :S*
You start out gracefully. I've always admired your writing. You keep everything description, but simplistic enough that I don't get bored from the details. You don't have to make a big deal out of everything going on in the wedding but I can still see the ceremony crystal clear.
The line It ended, like any other wedding, with a kiss really caught me. I'm not sure why, but I really liked it. It was just a very nice line.
I have to admit, some of the descriptions you use for this male character are somewhat hackneyed. Such as eyes black as night. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I just think you should avoid those type of descriptions next time and get more creative with his image.
The ending is very beautiful, nonetheless. The entire story, as short as it was, built up to this very moment so well. She watched the wedding almost as if she had the feeling he would never approach her, but he did.
The lyrics to whatever he is singing fit so nicely. I especially love how "It's been--" is cut off, and then when you go to the top you realize that part, "a while," is the second part of that line. I love it when authors flip-flop their parts for a meaningful effect.
I will tell you, it was meaningful. Incredibly meaningful. I could feel what she felt. You have a talent for emotional portrayal.
Keep doing what you do best.
Cheers,
Bee.