It's like a big poem, rather than a one-shot, and I mean that in the best of ways. If a poem, a one-shot and some old-time folk had a baby together, this is what would happen.
I love the way every paragraph was one or two sentences long and that it's short. It made the whole thing seem very rapid and flowing, like it had a need to finish, a need to get it's words across.
Although I am a complete grammar-prude, I am forced to admit that the questionable grammar in this story does, well, work. It adds to the chaos in between the lines and the hap-hazard situation. I'm also a sucker for one-shots that aren't stories but more descriptions of a time, place and situation, for which this gets definite props.
The language was beautiful. The 'old' words mixed with a modern world and timeless situation made the one-shot very picturesque. I also loved the way you didn't use speech-marks; it made it seem like the words were being communicated in a way other than talking (body-language and silence, rather than needless conversation).
I find this one-shot very rhythmic, everything has a beat and comes in at the right time. If a song, wasn't a song, it would be this.
It's like a big poem, rather than a one-shot, and I mean that in the best of ways. If a poem, a one-shot and some old-time folk had a baby together, this is what would happen.
I love the way every paragraph was one or two sentences long and that it's short. It made the whole thing seem very rapid and flowing, like it had a need to finish, a need to get it's words across.
Although I am a complete grammar-prude, I am forced to admit that the questionable grammar in this story does, well, work. It adds to the chaos in between the lines and the hap-hazard situation. I'm also a sucker for one-shots that aren't stories but more descriptions of a time, place and situation, for which this gets definite props.
The language was beautiful. The 'old' words mixed with a modern world and timeless situation made the one-shot very picturesque. I also loved the way you didn't use speech-marks; it made it seem like the words were being communicated in a way other than talking (body-language and silence, rather than needless conversation).
I find this one-shot very rhythmic, everything has a beat and comes in at the right time. If a song, wasn't a song, it would be this.