May 10th, 2009 at 07:37pm
I AM QUITE AWARE I SUCK AT LEAVING TIMELY FEEDBACK. T_T I hope this is worth the wait. I really enjoyed reading it, and it was Charlie which is always a bonus :tehe:
The opening is quite ominous, and immediately I sense that something is wrong and this isn't going to be a happy story. the pain was still there. The numbness hadn't taken over just yet. I liked that description, it wasn't over the top but was very real and believable. And then the bomb is dropped - he's cheated and what's worse is that they'd been seeing each other for three years and he announced it publicly. That's gotta hurt. So I can see where she's coming from because she's in agony.
I think the phone box was symbolic of their relationship. When she stepped inside she noticed the interior looked far worse. It's like, their relationship is getting worn on the outside, but the worst things are happening inside. And nobody can really tell because the outside is the most noticable.
Kimberly seems like a headstrong girl. She's been hurt but she knows what she's going to do. She had it all mapped out in her head, what she was going to say and what order she was going to say it in. She comes across as a person who plans ahead a lot of the time, and knows what she wants in life. And Charlie has thrown her drastically off-course by doing the dirty on her.
Yet, despite this, she still loves him. I think that's a brave thing to admit, and it shows how hard she'd fallen for him - and they had been together for three years prior to this, too. I think their relationship had been strong at first, but it had weakened over time - what with Charlie cheating. It makes me really feel for Kimberly and you make Charlie a character that you want to hate, but can't quite do it because he's so charming.
I love how you described their first date as being perfect, especially since Kimberly's sister had been so keen for her not to go. It makes me wonder whether Kimberly agrees with what her sister told her, previously. The night of the date, Charlie had taken her to the cinema. It had all gone perfectly. That seems pretty ironic, and I think it shows that their relationship used to be just that - perfect - until she found out he'd cheated.
You got Charlie just right - wiping rain water from his eyes and pushing his hair out of his face - that's totally a thing he'd do and I can really picture it well. You've really gotten into his character and it shows. You must have put a lot of effort into this and especially with your characterisation.
I loved your descriptions throughout, especially this one. Kimberly had clung to him, breathing in the scent of his aftershave that still lingered on his skin. The description was just breathtaking, to say the least. I like the detail you've gone into over this and I think I liked this one so much because it just sounded so believable.
This line made me like Charlie. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I couldn't help it. :tehe: His voice was dripping with genuine concern. He still cares about her, despite the fact that he cheated. The way he said it showed that he still loves her even though he wasn't faithful. And the ending was good, too. A little open, which isn't a bad thing. I thought it was symbolic that she couldn't bring herself to finish things with him.
SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG! :cheese: I actually started this feedback about five hours ago, I think this emphasises what a failure I am when it comes to knuckling down to leaving feedback :lmfao This was really good, and was an interesting read. I enjoyed this a lot, and I recced it about an hour ago. :arms:
That was beautiful.
I could just imagine it. It was so frickin' adorable :cheese:
Agh, I loved it so much, I can't review it like Nat can :tehe:
because I'm shit at everything but OH WOW, you are now one of my favourite writers ever.
:arms: