I don't like the set up of your layout. It seems a bit stretched out. And it's longer than it needs to be, especially in the summary.
The chapter description you have could go in the summary. I think it might look better that way actually.
In the first paragraph the repetition of the word 'tire swing' kind of throws of the natural flow of the paragraph. If you maybe switched it to the sing after saying it once it might sound better.
I like the story of the man an dthe woman. How they came to town and how everyone was slightly weary about them. It sounds like something you would read in a legitimate book. Something that could definitely become a full story.
I think it's kind of unbelievable how after the children grew up they just notice that the couple are not aging. And I don't know if you try to make it seem that they want their identities kept secret, but if they do, staying there was not the way to do it.
I'm impressed with the little song you came up with, or whatever it was. That would've taken me forever to think of. That's quite good and applaud you.
Okay, so I just finished. And aside from those few things I mentioned this is excellent. There are no grammatical issues I can point out to you.
Your description is where it really sucks the reader in. You do so wonderful with your descriptions, they're so mesmerizing and they set a lovely tone.
Very good job, I'd love it if you made this into a full story. I'd definitely read the whole thing.
I don't like the set up of your layout. It seems a bit stretched out. And it's longer than it needs to be, especially in the summary.
The chapter description you have could go in the summary. I think it might look better that way actually.
In the first paragraph the repetition of the word 'tire swing' kind of throws of the natural flow of the paragraph. If you maybe switched it to the sing after saying it once it might sound better.
I like the story of the man an dthe woman. How they came to town and how everyone was slightly weary about them. It sounds like something you would read in a legitimate book. Something that could definitely become a full story.
I think it's kind of unbelievable how after the children grew up they just notice that the couple are not aging. And I don't know if you try to make it seem that they want their identities kept secret, but if they do, staying there was not the way to do it.
I'm impressed with the little song you came up with, or whatever it was. That would've taken me forever to think of. That's quite good and applaud you.
Okay, so I just finished. And aside from those few things I mentioned this is excellent. There are no grammatical issues I can point out to you.
Your description is where it really sucks the reader in. You do so wonderful with your descriptions, they're so mesmerizing and they set a lovely tone.
Very good job, I'd love it if you made this into a full story. I'd definitely read the whole thing.