Hm. So I'm not certain what to make of this. It stayed true to the theme of 'hands' but somehow it got lost along the way. Like, "what was the point?" As I read through it, I wondered if all of their touches would lead up to a finishing line that would make it go full circle, like the reason there's so much emphasis on hands. But then I got some slightly cliche exchange, and then an abrupt ending. I'm not sure if you understand, but I'll make it clearer in a bit.
She stared at the fingers spread in a fan, head tilted to the side, wondering why her skin shined in the light. She focused her gaze through her fingers, catching his eye and giving him a fey smile. I think it was an interesting way to start it off; at first I wondered what she was doing and when I read onto the "hi" part I thought, "oh, she was waving a greeting." It was really cool description, somewhat different, instead of stating it blatantly. The 'fey smile' was really quirky too--I was kind of thrilled to catch such a fairy reference. Makes me wonder what kind of books you read.
She tapped each of the calluses on his strong hands, counting them in her head. “Seven,” she murmurs. Here is kind of the 'climax' of the fic; the tilting point where everyone wonders what the significance of the touches are, or the callouses. I was waiting for it, some kind of insight, so that's why I was a little disappointed when I found out it ended without such a thing.
A little sob slipped from between her lips; she gulped, holding back the next.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him, still crushing his hand.
“I love you,” she said. “Don’t ever go anywhere.”
He raised his other hand to place it lightly on the hand crushing his and pressed his lips to her cool forehead. He spoke in a quiet voice, lips tickling her forehead.
“Never.” I was still waiting until this point, so when it all came to a halt, I was kind of, "what?" There was something very random and arbitrary about this; he walks into a room, she beckons him closer. She touches his hands a bit, then nears tears and suddenly declares love, which he replies to. The end. It was such that it didn't leave any lasting impact of the sort. The thing about drabbles is that their length is supposed to work for them, not against them; they had to contain enough power between the lines so that their length wouldn't take away from the quality of their writing. What we get here is a lack of many things-- alternative words for 'calluse' or 'slid' or even 'hand' which, even with the title, was slightly overused; then the lack of emotion that should have been shown through their actions, but somehow still didn't shine through; and a plot that could have held it together. I understand it was supposed to be a short, sweet piece with a bit of plotlessness on the side, but it was really evident here. There was just something missing.
My suggestion would be a bit more backstory; something that could make the reader emphatize with the characters, and even shape their own characteristics as well. This gives us so little. I would have loved an explanation for the signifiance of the hand-touching, particularly the emphasis on the calluses, or why they suddenly launched into verbal love confessions about so much touching and subtle non-speaking. You get me? xD
Your strength usually lies in drabbles, or telling a story with the least amount of words, so getting out of your comfort zone would entail a little more writing, a little more description than you're used to. But that is what would work for this piece-- to clear up some mysteries that remained so until the end. Not your best, but I have no doubt that you have the skill to improve it.
She stared at the fingers spread in a fan, head tilted to the side, wondering why her skin shined in the light. She focused her gaze through her fingers, catching his eye and giving him a fey smile. I think it was an interesting way to start it off; at first I wondered what she was doing and when I read onto the "hi" part I thought, "oh, she was waving a greeting." It was really cool description, somewhat different, instead of stating it blatantly. The 'fey smile' was really quirky too--I was kind of thrilled to catch such a fairy reference. Makes me wonder what kind of books you read.
She tapped each of the calluses on his strong hands, counting them in her head. “Seven,” she murmurs. Here is kind of the 'climax' of the fic; the tilting point where everyone wonders what the significance of the touches are, or the callouses. I was waiting for it, some kind of insight, so that's why I was a little disappointed when I found out it ended without such a thing.
A little sob slipped from between her lips; she gulped, holding back the next.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him, still crushing his hand.
“I love you,” she said. “Don’t ever go anywhere.”
He raised his other hand to place it lightly on the hand crushing his and pressed his lips to her cool forehead. He spoke in a quiet voice, lips tickling her forehead.
“Never.” I was still waiting until this point, so when it all came to a halt, I was kind of, "what?" There was something very random and arbitrary about this; he walks into a room, she beckons him closer. She touches his hands a bit, then nears tears and suddenly declares love, which he replies to. The end. It was such that it didn't leave any lasting impact of the sort. The thing about drabbles is that their length is supposed to work for them, not against them; they had to contain enough power between the lines so that their length wouldn't take away from the quality of their writing. What we get here is a lack of many things-- alternative words for 'calluse' or 'slid' or even 'hand' which, even with the title, was slightly overused; then the lack of emotion that should have been shown through their actions, but somehow still didn't shine through; and a plot that could have held it together. I understand it was supposed to be a short, sweet piece with a bit of plotlessness on the side, but it was really evident here. There was just something missing.
My suggestion would be a bit more backstory; something that could make the reader emphatize with the characters, and even shape their own characteristics as well. This gives us so little. I would have loved an explanation for the signifiance of the hand-touching, particularly the emphasis on the calluses, or why they suddenly launched into verbal love confessions about so much touching and subtle non-speaking. You get me? xD
Your strength usually lies in drabbles, or telling a story with the least amount of words, so getting out of your comfort zone would entail a little more writing, a little more description than you're used to. But that is what would work for this piece-- to clear up some mysteries that remained so until the end. Not your best, but I have no doubt that you have the skill to improve it.