Every Night - Comments

The way this flowed sounded almost poem-like but it was more than just metaphors. I like how specific and concise it was, thoughts and feels. I liked the way you wrote about the things that she and her lover had shared and the one thing that they didn’t share. So heart breaking!

You are incredibly well at writing drabbles. I have not been left disappointed by you once, which is good because a lot of people’s stories start out good and then by the end its all pointless, full of nonsense you don’t need. But not here, you got straight to the point, no sugar coating.

And that’s perfect, just like this.

Oh God I really liked this. You write such good drabbles, I read another one of yours and I think I’m actually gonna go back and re-comment since my last was so short and was written a pretty long time ago. You are able to capture so much feeling with your words and I like that, this piece actually, genuinely impressed me. It’s sad and beautiful and I love how you said that the daughter lost both of her parents, even though you previously stated that only the dad had died, like that even though her mother was physically alive she was dead on the inside or something of the sort (I could be wrong but at least that’s what I got out of it) – very nice.

I love that it wasn't about stupid teenage 'lovers'.
The mother and father aspect was really nice.
The writing is beautiful; really good job.

Story/Review Game;

First off, I didn't know what to expect from the summary, but I really liked it. The shortness of it literary gave me a chill up my spine and I couldn't wait to find out the truth behind it. The day, month and year kind of gave it a Donny Darko vibe like in the beginning of the movie, I liked that.

The relationship between the characters was very poetic in many ways. I see this more of a poem than a one-shot or whatever it is you would call this type of story, but it was beautiful. The meaning of it shows the simplistic views on death and loneness of a person's thoughts. The emotion was bitter-sweet, to say the least and with a story like this, I had to re-read it couple more times, because it felt like I was missing something, and I love having that feeling.

It was sad that the children didn't have a mother or father, which again shows how strong the bond was between them, because they died together and I can see that now, them dying laying on top of each other. Their hearts were inseparable and it's very emotional. I like how even with a few words you can make me feel like you've hit home in some ways.

"They shared their lives, their hopes and their dreams, their love and their bed." - My favorite line from the entire story. Also, I would like to comment on the beginning of the story, the description was nicely done and I viewed the room and it was like the innocence was gone from everything. The paint was a pale blue color and the walls were dirty, like nothing stayed pure, but the mother and father and it was like they were too perfect for an imperfect world, so the only choice was death, if that makes any sense, but lovely story, very lovely and I adore the story on your profile

I read the story "Flying" before, I reviewed it a while back, and I've got say that I honestly thought that was the better piece. I think the emotion there was expressed better.

For this piece, I did like that, once again, it was a short piece. Short and simple and to the point. There are several parts of this that's very relatable, even to people who haven't been in that exact situation - where they've lost a love one.

The cool sheet pulled over her shoulder left her feeling naked.

I definitely think this part was effective. It evokes physical feeling within the reader. the lightness of sheet doesn't do much but cover you, it provides no protection. I can see how something as simple as that would effect a person who's just lost a husband - someone who was there to protect her in the past.

Her father died. Her mother was gone.

This is another line that is easy to visualize, in a way. We can all imagine how someone would feel so empty after losing the person they loved; how it would seem like that person died too. I also think it's a situation that is seen a lot, which makes it realistic; a situation where one parent dies and the other doesn't ever really get over, which leaves the children to suffer.

I also, like that the mother comes off as a bit selfish. At the moment, she's only really concerned with her own grief and her own feelings. She's not thinking about the fact that her daughter will grow up without a father or the fact that other people are hurting too.

This part: His hands were once there. Warm on her waist, gently brushing her hair from her eyes, pulling her against him. They shared their lives, their hopes and their dreams, their love and their bed. I think shows that very well, that she's only concerned with her relationship with her husband, which is understandable.

^ Yes, I agree about the content; it made this piece seem very mature.

(For the story/review game)

Good Aspects:
Length: I really liked how concise this was. It described a single scene, a few thoughts. It was almost a poem rather than a drabble.

Title: I loved this title. I thought it was a beautiful touch. It was so simple and so effective; almost modernist. Again, it reminded me so much of poetry. Adored this.

My favourite line, most definitely, was "The one thing they didn’t share was their death." It was beautiful. Almost painful. I love love love it.

Constructive Criticism:
I don't really have much to say here--it's too short, too concise for me to find mistakes in and too... well, just too poignant for me to have the heart to really try. :XD
If I was to be really really really nitpicky I'd say that "The cool sheet pulled over her shoulder" could do with some improvement in expression. I know what you meant, but I had to read it a couple of times.

Very well done indeed.

I really love how this is about a mother and a father and not cliche teenage lovers.
It gave it a great sense of reality.
Needless to say, I really loved this.