August 1st, 2009 at 05:00pm
Man I sucked at guessing the pairing earlier when I read this but now I've read it again and you've told me who it is it seems to fit really well. It's just kind of sweet.
Erg I can't find a proper way to rape this, grr. I like it and its sweet but its also sad and stuff. And now I'm just rambling away.
All that you really need to know is that I like this. =) And that it was awesome to read this before I went out today, it made me feel a whole lot better about going.
I liked this one the most because you took the song and interpreted it your own way. It was nice to see you didn't use all the lyrics within the story and you stuck to one simple line, and it's the lyric that always makes me think of this song, so in short, you probably used the most important lyric throughout. This is also one of my favourite Fall Out Boy songs, so that could be another reason, other than your really good writing, why I was attracted to this oneshot.
I loved the theme of lying, and how the lies started off small and then escalted and created serious problems for both of the characters. I'm guessing it's Pete and Patrick, right? I could be completely off there, I'm not sure. Then he wasn’t eating because the mirror and the drugs began lying to him. Telling him he was gaining weight, getting fatter, his lover would leave him if he didn’t lose the weight. I loved those lines. Sorry to copy a lot there, but I love how you wrote it as the mirror and the drugs lying, as though objects have this power over him. Amazing stuff.
The way you dealt with the time lapse was good. I like how you didn't simply list what had happened and switched to the healthy one's perspective, and how he was seeing his love deterioriate. The point of view switch was flawlessly written as well, and it was a really smooth transition, nicely doneee.
The emotions of both men within this are written beautifully. I loved how the first one was dying for perfection, his reasoning for his eating disorder was really justified, and I liked how it wasn't just a spurr of the moment, attention seeking thing. There was a story behind it all, and how it was all built upon lie after lie was a great element, and it was that that has kept it linked in with the song. The second man was also written fantastically as well, how he noticed that the first was changing, and then how he blames himself for it all, and thinking he could have done more. You've really captured natural human reactions here, it's beautiful.
cracked and ashen lips, dry tongue, dead senses. That description is just perfect. I loved the imagery throughout, and how simple yet effective it all is.
The ending was perfect, and how it stuck to the song with the dying man stating the all important lyric, “The best part of believe… is the lie.” I really did enjoy reading this, and it was a well deserved winner. I liked how the pairing wasn't known and it wasn't made overly obvious, and your writing is amazing, you are very talented.
Oooh, and let me know about the banner I still owe you.