The Absent Emptiness - Comments

Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.
Loved it.

O.O

Is the story over?

Aw.

I'm not sure I want it to be over...but it's a very nice ending^_^

mind blowing.

Wow.
That was so good, so shocking...
his mother...
Im just totally speechless...
(odd I know)
I gotta let it sink in a bit...
I'll be back to review it later...thats how good it was...

Yayyoudidn'tkillhim.

For once I actually don't want the main character to die...shocking...

Wow... I think you found a nice balance in this chapter. I like how you left the ending kinda open like that. I mean it looks like hes not going to kill himself but its still open enough that he could reconsider... I mean I wont be sure that hes not gonna do it until he gets rid of the gun or goes home or something.
But I liked his breakdown at the end. Im glad he didnt break down in front of Gwen. I found a few of his lines particularly heartwrenching. Like when he said 'before I go', The imagery of that, of him holding a gun and her not knowing what his words really meant... that was pretty intense...
And I liked the part where he said/thought 'ending it like its suppose to'. I liked that line... Shows like, I dont know... Gives me the feeling he kinda knows hes not in control anymore. Like everything he had 'planned' for his life went astray and hes got no choice but to just go along with this... I dont know how to explain it. You said it before about his life being torn upsidedown after reading Lolas poetry. And in a weird logical way hes suppose to kill himself. Everyone else did... So I could see why he'd want to kill himself.
Id hope the next chapter would show a little more of him at the lowest point, which is how this last chapter ended. But I dont know... The weird thing about having a breakdown like that is that you cant really explain the instant when everything changes. There is no transition. Which is weird cause I made a big deal about transitions before...
But I think you need transitions on the downward slope. Which I think was portrayed very well here... He left the last chap desperate and determined and through his brief conversation with Gwen he slowly made his way to an emotional 'rock bottom' of sorts... And when youre at rock bottom. theres no transition back up. Its just like bam, like opening your eyes or turning on the light switch. So I dont know. The next chapter could just be him going home and dealing with the consequences or I dont know. I'd like to see more of at him wrestling with emotions at rock bottom, but thats only cause Im mean like that I suppose.
No actually its cause I really Tyler and Im curious as to what happens to him... I hope you update soon again.
Im kinda sad cause I can see it coming to an end of sorts too... :(

wow. this is amazing so far!
im DEFINATELY subscribing =)
OHHH!!!!!!! AND GUESS WHAT?
my name is gwen haha.
short for gwendolyn.

pretty ironic eh?
...but i don't have a boyfriend named tyler...

that'd just be plain creepy!

Yeah, so I read it and didnt have time to review. And now I see you took "horsies890's" advice and took out the stars... made it much, much better.
ooh the drama...
The only other thing I could critique is the last sentence in the uhhh 3rd paragraph..."It's come to this? To what to live for? Something to die for?" Kinda trips over the tongue... needs to be more umm rhyme-y? I dont know... to what to live for? to what to die for? mmm or, something to live for? something to die for... nothing to live for something to die for? I dont know... ugh.
its just the "to what to" wording that made me stutter. (unless its just my tongue ring!)
Anyway.
Great emotion... Poor Tylers really on the edge... I hope its Gwen on the phone. I mean i know its cliche and all, but it makes sense for her to call him, she'd be worried... Although I wouldnt be surprised if it was time life magazine calling to renew his subscription or something like that! ha.
Anyway. I cant believe that he was actually going to kill himself! Im hoping the next chapter will be more self reflective. I mean this seemed like an impulse. An act of desperation on his part from being frustrated with his life and ugh...its just really good...
And I dont really think you should change the characters names either. Thats why I said an 'experiment' Just to show people what theyre missing by not reading original works. And I cant read gore-y stories, sorry... I couldnt even look at your bloody finger picture without cringing and you think Im gonna read something that you need a "good stomach" for... oh no no no no. sorry... :)

He's not going to die. Good. *sighs* I don't want him to die. Not yet.

I'm not sure if I'm ready after all, but I'll give it a shot..

Ha. It's a pun. XD

*The cell phone rings*

^That bothered me a little. Not because it's a cliffhanger and you built up a lot of suspense for a buzzing cell phone, but because it's starred. Yes, I am picking at the stars. You could have gone into more detail there and made a sentence out of it, silly. I know you're capable.-_-*

I had this gun for a reason...what to do with it now?

=O :omfg:

AAAH!~
That was totally unexpected! It was great! Tylers so going to jail!! hahaha. I mean leaving the crime scene? The neighbors saw him! He looks so freakin guilty! He goes up to see her and she ends up taking a dive off the roof! And her 'typed' up suicide poem?? The cops arent gonna get it! First of its too deep, not a standard suicide note, and secondly its TYPED! Theyre gonna think he did it! ha ha. I dont know why I was so worried whos he gonna end up with! Hes gonna end up in jail! And then he 'robs' her on the way out! Ah Tyler!!
okay okay I'll stop... But seriously that was great!
Theres a few parts that are formatted funny. Like I wasnt sure who was talking. I know that youre suppose to only make a new paragraph when some new talks and I hate that too cause sometimes it makes the paragraph really long and akward, so I dont always follow proper rules. But I think you need to reformat a little to make it more clear whos talking...
like this part
"The question is, why should I want to live?"

Her words bit me, hard. It seemed like she was happy to end it this way, to become a bloody smear on the pavement below, where spectators of an early morning could find her in her morbid beauty.

"Writing was my life, I've never had a reason to not to write. Until I actually tried to do something with it. When you try, you fail."

I didn't believe that, and I told her so. She only continued to smile, as she gently placed her shoes down next to her feet.

It totally looks like hes saying writing was my life. And why not? I mean the sentence fits him too. I mean thats how similiar they are... But it was only when I read that last line about I didnt believe it that I was like wait... she said that and not him? And then I had to re read it to make sure...
I dont necessarily think it should all be one long pargraph though. I like how she speaks and then his thoughts are kinda in the place where he would speak and then she speaks again. But I think you need something in there to make it clear shes speaking... You know something like I said nothing, she went on blah blah before her 'line'. I dont know...
But overall its just a total shock... I mean he didnt stop her and I can see why, but ugh... it was just a really heartwrenching scene... I have no idea where hes gonna go from here... Hes too complex to try to predict...
I could see him losing it and killing himself. I can see him pulling it all together and using her work to inspire him... I can see him going to jail cause no one believes his story...
I can even see him somehow trying to get her work published and having it end up being somekinda misunderstanding and they think its his work and its praised cause crap like that happens. Some people give men more opportunities and maybe the taste of sucess and having people admire him is too tempting, so he passes of her work for years and regrets it on his death bed. Or kills himself out of guilt... I dont know...There are so many possibilities... I cant wait to see how this ends, but I know its gonna be tragic...

Ah. I read the chap you posted on Friday but didn't get a chance to type you up anything before we left for the weekend-sorry. But I'm SO excited to see two more chapters up! aaahh! So I'm just gonna make one really long thing for all three.

okay so chapter 26. I gotta say. I really underestimated poor Gwen, calling her naive and whatever else I said. But its not really my fault. Its Tyler's. I mean I based most of my opinion on his thoughts of her... My favorite part was the line "as if she had told her story over and over and it was a routine." I just loved that line. I mean I could totally relate to that. Having to tell people your 'story'. I mean she wasn't looking for sympathy from him or anything. She was just putting it out there for him. And I loved how Tyler thought that too. Like he was semi-uncomfortable with the way she was 'spilling' her soul to him so plainly, but that one line balanced it out. It just seemed incredibly realistic. The way she was so plain about these horrible things. And I loved how Tyler didn't make a big fuss about anything she said. I guess it goes back to him being 'cold'... I don't know. They just seem like such a perfect fit now. She doesn't need 'sympathy' and he doesn't give it...
And then the parallel you made between Gwen and Tyler and Tyler and Lola. That was brilliant! Gwen are Tyler are so similar. And the way hes just blowing her off like that! Ugh! Is that what Lolas gonna do?... I'm thinking no, cause Lolas not like Tyler at all. She stood up for herself in a way against Ethan and Hunter, so I don't know.
At first at the end I thought it was weird that she brought up Lola, but then I was like no, its not weird. Gwen and Tyler are very similar. Shes gotta know what this whole Lola thing is doing to him. And I was really hoping that she'd get through to him.
Well that was until I read chap 27
O.M.G.
He ditched her! I shouldve guessed from the title "The curtain closes" (Let me just say your titles rock!) But anyway... he left her!!! unbelievable! Well not really. I just expected more from him. And Gwen shouldve stopped him. But I think that's where her age/maturity thing came in to play. Sounds like Gwen's gonna be quite a woman in a few years but really she shouldve insisted on going with him...
And the whole 'i love you,' 'i know'...ouch... I mean that was just oooooh... I just wanted to reach in a knock some sense into both of them!
28-
AH SHE'S REAL!
I mean I always knew she was real...But hes really there! With her! That's sooo exciting!
I loved the part where shes like -you cant stop me, and hes like, I don't care if you jump I just want answers first! Ahhhahaha. That Tyler. He really is kinda cold. And selfish! Its great. I loved flawed characters. They're so much more interesting. And you know what? Some people are cold and insensitive and selfish. I'm so tired of the main character in stories having to be a 'hero'. Always doing the noble thing. Some people, actually most people aren't that noble... But I think its also shows how far his character has come since the beginning chap where he didn't want to f*ck either girl cause of his morals... I think it shows how lost he really is. I mean when you are exposed to so much death, it kinda desensitizes you.
And most people would be all 'please don't jump blah blah blah' all this crap to get the person to reconsider. I love his attitude. Totally fits his character. Do I think he'd really let her jump? Probably not. Hes not as cold and uncaring as he likes to think he is. But I love his attitude...
And I love how he came to like 'kill' her. (well he was originally) and now hes like 'saving' her... Its a strange twist of fate...
And the whole conversation between them was good on so many levels. Cause he actually has a lot in common with Lola too.
I like how she tells him 'hurry up'. I mean that was great! Hurry up so I can kill myself!! ahh.
And Lola is just sooo complicated. I mean on one hand I get the feeling shes her own worst critic. Like maybe she doesn't think that her work meant anything. I think most writers when someone compliments them like he did to her with that I'm your biggest fan bit, give that standard 'oh stop it, its not really that good' modest reply. But I think she has a lot of self doubt. It comes with the territory of being a writer. But then on the other hand she made a comment about being too taboo 'in this life" ... those three little words just showed so much of her.
I mean they always say that truly great artists are never appreciated in their time. Its only after they die that they are... I think that's just fascinating! I mean shes willing to kill herself, with this anticipation. I mean if her work is really that great, then yeah when shes dead the 'prophecy' will come true. But what if she wrong and her work sucks? I mean she'll be dead, and it will be for nothing...
I think she knows shes good. I think she, like Tyler has just reached the end. They're both letting their fears back them into corners and you know what the problem with corners is?
If you re facing it, it seems like there's no way out. Sometimes you just need someone to spin you back around... (And that would be Gwen...damn her.. she should've spun him around three chapters ago!)
Now there is the odd but highly unlikely chance that Gwen followed him to Lolas, but I'm not holding my breath...
I just cant wait to see whats gonna happen with the gun.
I mean Lolas very sharp. And she good with words. So I kinda expect everything she tells him to be deeper then it really sounds like on the surface...
And there's gotta be something more to Lola, things Tyler doesn't know...
I'm also torn if he should end up with Lola or Gwen... They're both kinda good matches... eh.. you know what? Who says hes gotta end up with either one of them? I mean that's another horrible story cliche... I would love to see nothing more then the story to end with him being married to Jane nobody ten years from now looking back on what happened...
I really hope you update on Monday!

sorry about the lackof comments i've only just got round to my emails
amzing set of updates a true pleasure to read!
Aweshum!

:O Wow, that was quite a shocker.

This is really good. I've never read anything like this. I need more. I love it. I don't even have the words to tell you how much I love it. You're a great writer.

ugh. didnt realize that was so long! sorry...

Ugh. How could you end the chapter like that! You're mean! Seriously. there should be a rule or something about that! I wonder if I could report you to the mibba guy. I mean that's like reader abuse or something!!! And now I'm back to thinking that Gwen is Lola...(ugh. you're an evil man. A brilliant writer, but an evil man!) But I'm getting ahead of myself again.
First- LOVE the chapter title. "Think like a gun". That's just... you really have a way with words. I mean I could write a whole freakin essay on what that means...
But moving on. Last sentence. First paragraph. About his mom clearing stuff up and his purpose being absolute...(Could you be any more vague on what hes thinking!) That's when I realized you were evil... I still have no idea what hes gonna do, if his mom got through to him at all...ugh...
Oh then the whole bit about him being jealous of the guy who was flirting with Gwen! Ah! That was great! I mean hes such a complex character! Hes going there to kinda end it cause he doesn't really want her and he calls the guy who does kinda want her a bastard!! That was great. Shows he doesn't know what hes doing, what he wants...
And then his whole conversation with her made me uneasy. I mean the way he was talking. (Again so vague!) I mean the bits about "Before I go.." Cryptic much?
I mean I cant decide if hes being wordy and dramatic ( I mean he is a writer) or if hes being literal... I mean is he metaphorically speaking. Likes hes gonna come back a changed man- hence not the same, or does he really mean hes gonna kill Lola and not come back... ugh.
The whole conversation, no actually the whole chapter kinda felt like he was preparing to go off to battle you know? Like he wanted to settle his affairs... Go in with a clear conscience cause he doesn't know whats gonna happen....
But that last line... How could cut off like that!!! I mean Gwen is looking suspiciously Lola like again! But it could go either way. I mean ughhhh! Shes either incredibly brilliant person who pulled one over on him or shes incredibly dumb, well not dumb... just young an naive...
I hope you have the next chapter ready, cause I'm serious about reporting you... :)

Aw. Loving the re-write! (I guess they dont send 'notifications' out for that.) (and I was waiting!) ha. I hope the next chapter is soon. He's just so on the fence it could go either way. And I just thought his mothers words were so much more effective broken up like that. I especially like the bit his mother said about no one remembering Lola. I mean its such commentary on life. Who really cares for you, what matters in the end... I dont know. Reading it through again the second time I get the feeling that his mother got through to him more... And that line at the end. (I dont know if it was there before about him having a new purpose in his head, heart and hand.) That was a really good line! But Im afraid its one of those things that are good intentions, but hard to follow through...

Mmm Tyler is so determined. Really really really determined. I hope he finds her.