Babies of Father Sky and Mother Ground. - Comments

I've wanted to review and reread this again since ever. It's one of my favorite stories on Mibba right now because of the subject matter, AND how well you pulled it off and did justice to it. Also I hope it's okay that I read it as original fiction, with a character in my head, because that's how it spoke to me.

Your stories are always so damn distinctive and I wouldn't want you to change your writing style for the world. It's all action and emotion and things repeating and like, amazing astounding ways to word and view and say things. I am just so jawdropped (yes I invented a word, kinda) by how masterfully you worked the metaphor to your bidding. None of it felt wasted or repeated or useless; every word was there for a reason, every repetition. Just. Ugh. You got everything I want in a story right here.

We couldn't be more different; yet, we couldn't be more alike. We both want to break free. That is such a perfect line for a demon and an angel; both of angel stock, same beginnings, same endings in eternity, same wants and desires, in the end. Just different executions.

I want to find my halo. And halos grow on heavenly trees. While Brendon . . . Brendon was stuck with his little blood-red tail. Guuuuuh I hate you. The way you described halos like that... I wanted to steal the idea and implant that tree on my heart so I can have halos to use for rings on my fingers. See you're inspiring me to write by me reviewing I can't even.

I need to find my halo. He wants to cut his tail loose. Angel chained to the ground and devil cornered in the sky. Mrrrrrrrurururr stop it I feel so inadequate now xD It's so brilliant. The portaits it paints in my head and yet it all makes sense. Chained to the ground and cornered to the sky. I want to memorize this whole story, print it out and make it my wallpaper for my room.

Then you beginning to wonder: is it my fault, or is it God's? After all, he's playing with us, watching us, like a writer seeing his words come to life, immersed in colors and animated with his passion. Funny, isn't it? God's the one tying us where we are, he's the one holding my halo hostage, he's the one who'd sewn Brendon's tail with those rusted threads. I always love interpretations of God and how far his puppet strings go and grip and tie up things. I love how you worded it like this. Holding a halo hostage xD Srsly I hate you please immerse yourself in a vat of hot sauce with lizards in it.

Time's my biggest enemy; time's God's biggest alley; time's my diminishing fuse between life and the other world.
And the present's my biggest challenge. Lol I'm close to giving up and I'm not even halfway through. The fucking concept of time, man. (Lol don't worry I'm not high)

I'm tasting the copper-red-turned-black world. It tastes like my lungs. It tastes like my tears. It tastes like me. I'm like an earthquake in the making, shivering in order to split myself in half. Half of my mind is already split, paling white and dimming black It's like poetry that flows like prose. You use so many words and it wouldn't work for a lot of writers but your narrative is so fucking flawless. How??

"I-anna-top-akin'-dese-drugss . . ." His speech is eating itself up, but I could work with what he's spitting out for now, "ey-ever-erk." I love how you interpreted his speech and formatted it like this. It kind of hurts.

"Yer-fulla'shitRyan, an' Angels ain't fulla'shit." :(

Heaven's not a burnt black and I know it. Heaven's not a brunt black and you know it. I browsed this story several times before I read it from the top. The ending never made sense until I read it all. That's the beauty of it. It's all the same words and you think they mean the same thing but you'll never understand anything unless you understand everything.

Lolfuck I think this review was stream of consciousness too. Also I fucking adore the photo in the layout, once again. It's one of my favorite things.

Uuuuggghh.

OMFG THE LAYOUT

AND THIS LINE

We're bumbling little boys, awkwardly playing Devil and Angel and looking at places we could never read.

FJWOPIEFJRWEIGJPREGE[RHOJET[OHETOJ[

WILL REREAD THIS LATER SO I CAN DWELL ON IT A LITTLE MORE

<33333

Story/Review game

Layout, Summary & Title;
Give the allusion of mythology and I'm wondering if that's going to tie in at all, whether subtly or not.

I really just love the summary, to begin with. The last line of it I wasn't sure if Ryan's way out was in his own hands or Brendon's, but Isort of liked that I didn't know.

Story lines;

We're miserable, we're happy, we're bound to each other, we're bound right to the muscles and tendons.
I like how these sections are separated with commas rather than periods or semicolons. It gives the run-on effect, which I love. It's chaos and it makes you feel what you assume they're feeling. In the beginning, I love the immediately contradiction. In the end, I love the discussion of muscles and tendons. I like when something like that is used in a story because it creates a sense of realism instead of this lah-lah-lah-love story.

Me from the thing that's binding me away from death, Brendon from what's keeping him alive.
I read this line three times. Firstly, because I read extremely quickly and wasn't sure I understood. The third time I reread it because I did understand. What Ryan's talking about is the same thing. Away from death/keeping him alive. But it's worded in such a way that you see it as two completely different things, which is why I had to reread. I wasn't sure I understood. (Also, I love how there's no easing in to using Brendon's name. It's just there and it doesn't jar you either.)

We're bumbling little boys, awkwardly playing Devil and Angel and looking at places we could never read.
I'm trying to figure out what it as about this line that had my hand pressed to my face in shock and my bottom lip trembling and my eyes almost watering. I'm not sure. It's so fucking real that it hurts. The beginning is just their feelings, the innocence, the naivette [even though it seems he knows everything, sometimes it's better to not]. And then the end of it just seems like a line that Ryan himself would have written [looking at places we could never read]. I think that's probably why I was trying not to cry. It's so incredibly Ryan and that's just scary to read, at least for me. Because Ryan scares me.

That thick and heavy air that weights down your lungs, your body, even your blood.
Again, the mentions of anatomy just bring it all back to reality. And what he's describing here, what you're describing . . . it's so true that it almost hurts. This is a really simple description but everyone who's felt the weight of air knows exactly what you're talking about and no further description is needed.

It's a bad thing to do, right? Not very sane of me, but I had to do it. He had my fucking halo.
This line I actually did tear up. The last bit. The blame. How it's not his fault and he's just so fucking desperate that he has no choice. How God took his choice. How the hostage situation has lead him here, choking himself to feel alive, to feel the lights.

but I need them to see that halo that halo that halo that halo that beautiful pretty halo that I can't get no matter how much I want it.
I like how everything in this paragraph was perfectly punctuated until you get to the halo and then it's just chaos and run-ons again. It just further shows his desperation and I can hear his voice in my head, getting higher and higher, manic and desperate.

Story;
I have to say, overall, it's just interesting to hear Ryan talk about God. Because he's an Atheist and it's very rare to find him painted as anything different, though I wouldn't call this a religious piece. But it's . . . just different and I really liked that.

The scene where Brendon undoes the bag is scary as hell. Ryan's sensing things he's telling us he can't sense. The way they speak is scary as shit. Not only that neither one of them can form actual words because they're both so incredibly fucked up in such different ways, but they actually understand each other because they've been there so many times before. It's just . . . awful. And it's beautiful, but ugly, and awful. But perfectly executed.

Brendon seemed to sort of sit in the background for me until that scene and I thought it was sort of amazing how he came out of nowhere to pull the bag off.

Me from the thing that's binding me away from death, Brendon from what's keeping him alive.
I said before how those comparison's seemed to be the same thing but were worded completely differently and in reading, they are completely different. The similarities are so vague that you start to think they don't even exist anymore. [I don't think they exist anymore.] It's just the connection to each other that ties them to together, as I see it.

The end. Oh, Christ. The end. It's like a repetition. Like the ending verse of a song. I heard it as music, not Ryan's voice. Something else. Over a different sort of Third Eye Blind song. There are two endings, in my head. Either he blacks out or he goes to Hell. I'd like to say he blacks out just because the Hell he's describing isn't one I believe in, but even if I go in my head and say he blacks out, I can't see anything else after that. And normally with a story, I can sort of see a hazy sense of future. So I have to say that he's dead. And now there's no light and I don't even know.

This is so completely unlike any fanfiction I've read, like an original fiction I've read. It's so out there and so . . .

It's like you're using things that we all seem to understand even vaguely, the need for more, the need for less, the need to escape, the desperate things we do to ourselves in order to obtain. But it's like I've never seen it before, like these are completely new concepts to me and Brendon and Ryan are the first to create them in your story. It's utterly terrifying and I really, really can't think of a word to describe it, which is why I wrote this rambling little paragraph. I think better when I ramble.

Hey Fatma.
I saw you didn’t get a proper review for the S/R Game, and someone else had already claimed the next person’s story, so I thought it’d get a bit confusing if I mentioned it in the thread.

I like the layout. It’s kinda trippy like those surrealist paintings or a magic eye picture. :tehe:

Angel chained to the ground and devil cornered in the sky.
I love the metaphor of the angel and the devil...how Ryan’s chained to the ground because of his connections with Brendon, and how Brendon’s in the sky because of all the drugs he takes. It seems to me that Ryan wants some kind of salvation and to be...maybe not pure, but he doesn’t want to be around Brendon and his drugs and impurities, whilst Brendon just wants some normality...he doesn’t want to be as angelic as Ryan. But they can’t break free from each other, because they need each to survive and complement one another. And they’ve just become so accustomed to being two, a we as it’s said, rather than just one person. It’s like a symbiotic relationship...or maybe parasitic would be more accurate?

We're simple, we're stumbling to find what we want and it's like life: it's never what you want it to be, you never know where you'll end up. That’s so true for a lot of people. I like that. It’s harsh in some ways, but honest. And the revelation that this is God’s doing or fault is interesting...it seems as though Ryan’s questioning his faith...or that he’s wondering whether there’s a reason for all of this, whether this is part of God’s great plan for him. And I love the comparison between God and a writer. I’ve never seen that before, but it makes sense that people can be considered characters in his novel.

So if I’ve read this correctly, Ryan wants to die? :think: And that’s why he’s getting himself to see the lights that humans can’t see day to day? I think the angel metaphor becomes more apparent now, because he doesn’t just want to fly away from Brendon, he wants to die and become an angel...not just be a metaphor for one...at least that’s what I’m sensing here.

He had my fucking halo.
Reading on, it’s becoming clearer to me, I think. He does want to die, but he just wants to become an angel because he believes that God has his halo, and that it’s the only way to get it and become free. Makes me wonder though...he describes it as his halo, but did he ever have it before? It could be that he did have it, but fell from grace and has to get it back himself...and he sees dying as the only way.

that's used to hear because I can't sense shit. I think there’s a typo here. That part was interesting though. The whole search for his halo is definitely self-destructive, as is Brendon’s attempt to lose his tail. I mentioned this before, but it really does seem that while Ryan wants to be an angel and pure and away from this world, Brendon just wants to be normal...because Ryan’s not an angel yet as he doesn’t have his halo, but Brendon’s already a devil.

Then he went back to rolling around in his own puke and running in it through his hair. The ‘in’ isn’t needed in this sentence. And it seems like, for all the work Brendon does trying to get rid of his tail, he still wants it because he still wants the drugs and can’t shake them. And for Ryan, when Brendon says “You’re no angel,” and "Yer-fulla'shitRyan, an' Angels ain't fulla'shit," I think it’s saying that it’s not Ryan’s time to go and that Brendon still wants him and needs him there with him.

I like the stream of consciousness thoughts towards the end. It suits his state of mind, giving this frantic feeling...and it makes me wonder what happened for certain. :think: I think he took it too far and died, which would explain why the lights aren’t there anymore. And I think I’ve changed my mind on a point...it appears now that Ryan didn’t want to actually die, he just wanted his halo back and seeing the lights and near-killing himself seemed the only way to get it for him.

I really loved the metaphors and the description. It makes me think.
It was amazing. :arms:

This was pretty good. It was a bit confusing, but I liked it. The imagery and Ryan's thoughts were wonderful and creative. Good job =)

Not too bad, definitely better than your "Beads" story that I read. This one didn't seem as rushed, but it seemed to be a bit confusing.

I actually, in this one, liked the repeating. His constant speech, saying things over and over to himself. I liked it, a lot.

The story makes you think and actually got the gears within my head turning, thinking that I ought to go back and start writing a little piece of my novel that's mentioned, but never really seen.