Sorry this took me a while, apologies for the wait. I also apologise in advance if this ends up shitty because I'm not in the best of moods right now.
The opening was so pretty and I could really imagine the setting well. The relaxing tone of the piano mixed well with the sound of the ocean waves splashing against the boats in the harbour. I quite like the simplicity of this sentence, it's very real and believable and I think that it worked really well. You really achieved a relaxed feel to the opening and it makes me feel quite laid back reading it, which is good.
I adored this description a lot. I sat at the bar, drinking from a glass that was cleaner then the ones on all those dishwasher adverts. I was really able to picture this well in my mind, the fact that he's just sat absent-mindedly at the bar with a spotless glass and not really having a care in the world. It's absolutely beautiful and I absolutely adored this description. So clever.
It's the little things that make the difference in this. I did what any girl would do before making a move towards a man and I checked my appearance. I like how you sort of swapped sexes, in a way, and Matt's thinking like a woman in order to attract Ryan. It was clever and definitely something original. It also amused me how Matt was quite cocky about his appearance, saying that he liked the wild image that his floppy fringe gave him. :tehe: I like how he's different to the RL Matt, stories are so much more interesting when the characters stray a little from the original.
This was sweet. from that second he was mine It's like they're meant to be, as if he knew that Ryan would be his from the first word that they spoke. Cute.
I couldn't help but think that the section between Matt and Ryan was a little rushed. :think: Just my opinion but I think it may have worked better if you'd took a little longer about the time they spend together - for instance, a conversation or something as simple as a cuddle. I really thought that them sitting down eating dessert together was adorable though.
The ending was absolutely perfect, how suddenly he's on a train platform and he realises that he's just daydreaming again about something from his past. My sight was greeted with the grey of Newport station as Ryan vanished right before me. I thought it was clever how he "faded" away, it's like Ryan's a distant memory and he's fading away from Matt's memory, slowly but surely. I also loved the fact that this wasn't a happy ending, it was a little different and I really enjoyed reading this.
The opening was so pretty and I could really imagine the setting well. The relaxing tone of the piano mixed well with the sound of the ocean waves splashing against the boats in the harbour. I quite like the simplicity of this sentence, it's very real and believable and I think that it worked really well. You really achieved a relaxed feel to the opening and it makes me feel quite laid back reading it, which is good.
I adored this description a lot. I sat at the bar, drinking from a glass that was cleaner then the ones on all those dishwasher adverts. I was really able to picture this well in my mind, the fact that he's just sat absent-mindedly at the bar with a spotless glass and not really having a care in the world. It's absolutely beautiful and I absolutely adored this description. So clever.
It's the little things that make the difference in this. I did what any girl would do before making a move towards a man and I checked my appearance. I like how you sort of swapped sexes, in a way, and Matt's thinking like a woman in order to attract Ryan. It was clever and definitely something original. It also amused me how Matt was quite cocky about his appearance, saying that he liked the wild image that his floppy fringe gave him. :tehe: I like how he's different to the RL Matt, stories are so much more interesting when the characters stray a little from the original.
This was sweet. from that second he was mine It's like they're meant to be, as if he knew that Ryan would be his from the first word that they spoke. Cute.
I couldn't help but think that the section between Matt and Ryan was a little rushed. :think: Just my opinion but I think it may have worked better if you'd took a little longer about the time they spend together - for instance, a conversation or something as simple as a cuddle. I really thought that them sitting down eating dessert together was adorable though.
The ending was absolutely perfect, how suddenly he's on a train platform and he realises that he's just daydreaming again about something from his past. My sight was greeted with the grey of Newport station as Ryan vanished right before me. I thought it was clever how he "faded" away, it's like Ryan's a distant memory and he's fading away from Matt's memory, slowly but surely. I also loved the fact that this wasn't a happy ending, it was a little different and I really enjoyed reading this.
Great oneshot! :arms: