You and I. - Comments

I absolutely love how you started the story off, got the ball rolling. You started with a letter, a letter from him. It makes readers think, "Who the hell is him? Who is it? What has he done?" All those questions float around the reader's now curious mind, inviting them to continue to read.

So, continuing on a little, we come to Cat's and Jonne's conversation. It's simple, nothing too complicated is shared between the two yet you can sense the underlying affection the two have for one another. It really sets everything up quite nicely and is a very good skill with your writing.

The whole middle section is filled with nothing too blatant about their feelings for each other yet, through simple actions and simple words the reader picks up on it. You've hit everything head on, nailed every quip, every action, everything. It's really well done.

The ending line is really...not mushy but sweet. It's a line that brings a smile to your face because it's so realistic. Someone would actually say that, I would actually say that. The conversations, the memories. I don't know how to explain how everything just fits so perfectly together. It's like a puzzle and you've managed to put it all together blindfolded. Absolutely amazing.

Job well done. Really well done.

I've finally gotten my ass to start being active on Mibba a little more - hopefully I'll keep up with it. I also decided to check out Deathstars-related stories over here, and after eliminating those I've read already (about 80%) and het (which I don't like), I came across this story - and I love it. I don't even know why, I mean, I can't really point out what I love that much. It's strange, cause it made me feel warm and cold at the same time (you really created the atmosphere there perfectly, without adding too much description, which is awesome!), it made me feel sad and somewhat happy. you kept me interested from first word to the last one. what I didn't like, though, it seemed like too much was missing here - I don't know if you are going to continue this or not, but there were so many hints, I'd say almost too many? maybe it's just me, though, I like knowing everything. still, I think this little fic is really well written.

I kind of love the beginning. You got right to the point, and the simplicity didn't deter from the effectiveness of it.

I know it's been a while since we talked last, and believe me, I feel bad for it. It's been so hectic. Congrats on your natural dialogue! That actually seems like something someone would say in real life. Not overly dramatic, nor overly robotic. Just apologetic and realistic for someone who hasn't really kept in touch.

When I saw the ellipsis, like the guy trailing off into 'you know' or 'yeah', I thought that the letter would have worked just a bit better done on voicemail. Trailing off is much more natural there, but this one also begets some sense of closeness between the characters, like they know each other so well that they can trail off and know just what the other means. So I'm confused on what actually works; maybe you should just keep it that way xD

He smelled different to what he used to. He used to smell like unwashed jeans mixed with hospitals, and something else I could never place. Now... now he smelled like cigarettes and hair salons. Hmm. I'm not so sure about this. I love the strangeness of the smell combination since it makes him seem really unique, but I don't understand the significance of fags and salons. Maybe I should just keep reading.

As I read on, I kind of love the simplicity of your narrative. It's not too descriptive or emotive, not like some writers, but you pull it off quite well and I'm not sure how, since others would make it seem bland. But your style is distinct, and if it were a taste it would be minty xD

And I love the dialogue. The banter between the two characters. It's realistic yet sweet and very natural. Everything about this story seems to be so.

Sleet was bucketing down outside, and despite the racket it was making against the metal roof of the train, Cat still slept soundly on my shoulder.

Just like he always used to. That made me "AWW" for some reason. Eek<3

Way back then, we were all each other had. And so continues the sad lovefest.

I really can't quote any of the dialogue. It seemed to be tailored to their personalities and was just so natural and sweet with an underlying twinge of sadness.

“You're warm, don't move.” Perfect ending.

Btw, for some reason I keep imagining the narrator as a girl, since the banner didn't load at the beginning and I only realized it when I scrolled up again at the end :XD

Good job. This was kind of like a feel-good movie, but not too fluffy and mushy to induce barf. More like happy tears xD :arms:

I couldn't resist reading this, and I'm so glad I didn't resist because I would've missed out. I think this is gorgeous, and really well written. I love how they can still remember the little things about one another, although understand that some bits have changed. For example, "He smelled different to what he used to. He used to smell like unwashed jeans mixed with hospitals, and something else I could never place. Now... now he smelled like cigarettes and hair salons."

I think that the way they interact with one another is also sweet, and really captures the long lost friendship they have. You can tell that they are just lost in the moment together, and the last lines show their love. I was kept gripped as well, due to the fact that you don't exactly find out all the details about the rehab they were in and I think thats what makes it better. The facts aren't all there, but I think that makes you focuss more on Cat and Jonne's relationship- which is brilliant.

Cat's childlike behaviour is very nice to read as well, and makes him seem more vulnerable and shows his need for Jonne- especially when he asks if he's going to change, and then makes him promise.

I also, am not really one for slash but I think this is really good. You should be proud. (:

ps: I hope this wasn't too rambling. I just wanted to give it a worthy review. (:

I'm not one to read slash (really, I'm not), but I was curious considering it has Jonne in it (I haven't seen any on here with him). Anyway, I have to say that it is so sweet. I love how they could easily joke with each other even after being apart for so long. I'm really glad I read this story. :)

That was Beautiful!

Yes, I capitalized beautiful. It was that good.

The wonderful little snipets of conversation that were playful banter. Ugh, I want that in my life! lol

The way Jonne knew Cat so well, it worked wonderfully. The kiddy side to Cat was adorable.

Overall, incredibly sweet and caring; this one-shot is awesome. Bravo!