Ace of Hearts - Comments

Oh man, I really suck with leaving feedback. I can only apologise for the really long wait you've had for this. :( But there's this feedback-leaving contest thing on mibba so I've decided this is gonna kick my ass into finally leaving something for you!!!

Part 15
This part was quite short, but in my opinion I thought this was a good idea. It worked really well. I also thought it was good to open it with speech. It threw the reader right into the action and it really emphasised how Maddy was feeling and how angry she was with Slade. It's as if her feelings for him have been clouded by this anger that she feels towards him. She doesn't want him to have stuck his nose into her business; she doesn't want him to know everything.

And at the same time, everybody knows that they probably shouldn't interrupt her or say anything. Faces were still stained with neon glow in the dark paint and every single expression was serious. No smirks danced across lips and no cheesy grins broke out. They all know her well enough to know that when she has a bee in her bonnet about something, it's probably best not to press her and that the best course of action is just to let her steam for a little while before she calms down again and they can discuss things without her getting angry again. I like how you subtly described that. :)

I liked this little moment. Austin was cut off when Blair raised her hand to shut him up. She knew he wasn't about to make Madison's situation any better, only make it worse with his analysing of her feelings. It shows how in-tune they are with each other and I liked how Austin instantly paid attention to Blair and quietened down. You've really written them well as a couple, so kudos to you for that. :)

I thought it was good how Mike was really neutral about the whole situation, what with saying that Slade doesn't really think things through but he never meant to hurt her. I mean, Slade is one of Mike's closest friends so it was good of him to try and sympathise with Maddy whilst gently setting her straight. What a sweetheart!

But at the same time, ARGH MADDY! She's just so blind to what's going on! Madison looked around at all the faces staring at her. She couldn't quite believe this. The people she thought she could rely on, the one's she always thought would be on her side, well, weren't. Sorry for epic quotage. It really does seem that once she gets angry about something, she becomes blind to everything around herself until she calms down a bit. It was good of you to focus on this, because there's nothing I hate more in stories than perfect characters. I love it when there are flawed characters because it just makes them seem more human.

And it's kind of obvious that she's wearing down Blair's patience. Blair sighed heavily and rose to her feet, heading for the door. She was tired of chasing Madison. She's used to Madison's occasional outbursts and she doesn't mind helping her out in whatever way she can, but I am getting the impression that it was the final straw for her when she flew off the handle about Slade. I thought it was a nice touch when she told Maddy that Slade was the best thing to walk into her life for a long, long time. It was definitely the right thing to say in that situation.

Nice ending for the part, too. :)

Part 16
I've got to admit, this part is definitely my favourite part out of the entire story. It was just perfect for me and I loved how you showed how Madison's character developed over the story because I don't think she would have acted like this towards her mother if this had happened at the start of the story.

I thought the description about pain at the start of this part was really well-written and like I've said before, I always enjoy how you open each part of your stories. They always set the mood so well. :)

It was good to see that Madison has matured about the whole situation about her parents and I liked how she was unafraid to face up to her mother and clear the air between the two of them. She knows that running away won't really solve anything and she just wants to tackle this now because she knows her mother is going to be a little more permanent now. Madison was done running. I think that line just summed it up completely.

I thought the meeting between mother and daughter was very well written. I liked how Madison wasn't completely forgiving - I had my reasons for acting like I did, even if it was being a drama queen. It’s been hard for me, you know? - because that would have been really unrealistic. I liked how Madison acknowledged that she might have overreacted about her mother's appearance back in her life, but she still wants her mother to understand that she's not willing to welcome her back with open arms just yet. It made for a much more believable story, so kudos to you for that.

Theresa's reason for leaving was believable, and I could totally empathise with her for that, but there is a little part of me that wondered why she left Madison behind. If she hated sitting in the club watching her husband perform, surely she would have taken Madison with her because she wouldn't want her daughter to feel like she did. And she didn't really explain why she left her behind, which was a bit of a shame. I did like that she showed regret about not taking her husband and Madison with her though, because her escape must have done wonders for her. And it was good how she was pleased with Madison for making her "escape" to Vegas, I think that she was proud of Madison for doing something for herself - after all, it's a part of her personality she's inherited.

I loved how they left one another on a high note, with hopes for the future about the relationship between the pair of them. They both know that there is some way for them to go before it's perfect again, but it's good that they both want to put in the work. And I thought it was so sweet when Madison told her mother not to do another disappearing act because it showed that she really wants her mother to be part of her life once again.

The ending of this part was just so...<3 [Slade] moved over on the bench, before turning back to the octopus. Madison took his movement as a cue to go over and sit beside him. Sorry I quoted so much. I just think Slade is such a sweetheart! Madison overreacted to what he did but he's still more than willing to sit and listen to what she has to say. That's dedication for you. He's so lovely. And I loved how you left it open-ended, leaving the reader to decide what went on between the two of them and what they talked about. I love being able to make my own mind up.

Part 17
Brilliant last part. I liked that it was set a little while after the story because it showed how everything panned out relationship-wise between both Madison and Slade, and Madison and her parents. I also liked that it was short, and just sort of filled the reader in on "what happened next", whilst not completely filling in the gaps so the reader can make up their mind about what happened between this part and the previous, and what's going to happen in the future. :)

I liked how you matched up Slade and Madison's traits; it shows how in-tune they are with one another. It showed how their relationship has developed over the five months they've been together and I just think they're really sweet together. That wasn't a really useful comment on the story though, so I must apologise about that. XD

“I’m not rich, it’s my mum that is,” Mike attempted to mimic Blair. This did make me lol, I've got to admit. I know somebody a bit like that, and that's exactly what she says every time we say something to her about anything new that she gets. So I liked that little bit because it reminded me of somebody I knew. :lmfao And then the comic timing of Blair arriving at that moment was perfect. Good job on that bit! XD The little bit of banter between all the characters as a result was brilliant, it really made me giggle.

The ending was brilliant, I liked how it was open to an extent, but at the same time was final. (I don't know if I made sense there...I know what I meant but idk how to say it! D:) Anyway. I'd just like to say how much I've enjoyed reading this story since you started it. I came into this story not really knowing anything about the characters in it, but as a result of this story I've gotten into Anarbor and I've got to admit that Slade is a rather fine young gentleman. Ahha. XD

Sorry it's taken me so long to review the last three parts, and I'm also sorry that this review hasn't been as epically long as my previous ones. :/ Thank you for writing this, though. <3

friggen loved this story! And Taylor, coming through in the end like he should. Love him.

I'm glad she made up with her mom. :)

Lack of common sense. Loved it.

Update was well worth the wait. :)

Hmm, it's took me a little while for me to leave this. I'll blame it on being busy with sorting out uni stuff, which is semi-true. :tehe:

Good opening and as soon as I read the bit about Slade, I kind of thought that something might be wrong. It was just a gut instinct and I think it was because he wasn't there next to her. And it's the way it's described - reaching for Slade, who should be sleeping soundly beside her. It's the word "should" that makes it, it implies that she was expecting him to be there and the fact that she reaches for him shows the amount of support she takes from him, and gets slightly disorientated if he's not there.

I really like Austin's character. "Hey, sleeping beauty's up," Austin chuckled to himself. There's something really likeable about him; he just comes across as a sweet guy who always has something nice to say about everybody. He's a very genuine person and I think he could tell that Madison was worrying about where Slade could be, which was why he said what he did.

Instantly I wanted to know what was on the note that Slade left! Picking up she read and re-read his words, gritting her teeth as she did so. Filled with annoyance, she stormed out of the bedroom and across to the bathroom. Madison seems to have reacted in a really harsh way to what she read and it just gave me a bad feeling to read it. Everything has been so perfect and has gone so well with regards to the Madison/Slade relationship so it was interesting to read that something hasn't gone quite right and I was really intrigued as to what Slade could have said to invoke this reaction in Madison, since she's been relying on him so much to help her through everything.

And she's just so angry. She scrubbed at her cheeks, until her skin was raw. I've never really had an impression of Madison being an angry person. She just seems to bottle it all up and I think that this reaction is a result of all this bottled up anger. Slade was the last straw and he was what set it all off. She's taking out the anger on herself, which isn't a good thing, she wants to punish herself for things that other people have done to her.

This shows how pissed off she is. She walked along the corridor, until she reached her father's dressing room. Without knocking, she burst inside. Madison has always been portrayed as a polite person so to see her just barge into her father's dressing room shows how drastically this letter has changed her mood and she just seems so angry at the world. She just wants to yell at her father and Slade because she thinks it might make her feel better.

And Slade is just completely oblivious. Poor Slade. "Maddy," Slade smiled brightly at her. He just feels this strong devotion for her already and when he looks at her, all he can think about is how happy he is with her, and he can't see that she's pissed with him. So he's just smiling innocently and can't see that he's being faced with a fuming Madison.

Madison's outburst about her mother really explained a lot and it suddenly made a whole lot more sense about why Madison really isn't keen to make amends with her mother. She knows how hard it was on her father and she's so emotionally attached to her father - I mean, she goes to all these drag shows that her father performs in when it really isn't her scene - so for him to just forgive her mother and act as if it was all okay again isn't good enough for Madison. She still doesn't understand and until she does, she just wants to shout and scream to get out all these built-up emotions inside of herself. She's not ready for her mother to be back into her life just yet.

Slade's just trying to help but I think he put his foot in it. Maddy, babe, I know he's been calling you and calling you since you left that night. You never pick up. Can you imagine how worried he's been? I think Slade is the one person that she's most depended on throughout this situation of hers, and the fact that he's gone to speak with one of the people who's hurt her most throughout this must be a bit of a kick in the teeth for her, considering that Slade was supposed to agree with her on stuff. I don't think she can see that he's really only trying to help, she can only see him going behind her back.

And Madison's just locked in her own little world. Theresa looked at her daughter sympathetically, moving closer to her. She thinks that everybody is out to get her and it's so saddening to read, especially this bit. I know she's still hurting about the fact her mother has come back unannounced and she still wants answers, but she's not letting people explain things to her. She's just hiding away from everybody and everybody's prepared to talk to her, but she's not letting them. She just needs time to heal and get used to the fact that her mother is back, I think that's what the main problem is.

The ending was pretty ominous. She wanted to forget her parents, and Slade Echeverria. I'm so intrigued as to where this is going now, it was like everything leading up to this part was the calm before the storm, and now it's all exploded and got a little bit crazy. Can't wait for more! :arms:

YES WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

I mean, drama! Poor Taylor, everyone should love him but no one does. D:

So sweets I don't know if this is the last review from me for a while now because I'm not sure of the mibba blocking situation at uni. I doubt it will be blocked but I also want to leave you with this :cute: I also have to thank you for the fantastic John feedback and I hope this makes you smile.

I love the description of the club, it's really atmospheric and it sets the scene brilliantly. I love that it's a UV paint party. You can find all this symbolism about the dark and only being able to see certain parts of people, and this is only by coincidence if they have paint on that particular part of them. It clouds it in a bit of mystery and added to this you have that claustrophobic edge of all the bodies being jammed together closely.

Madison seems to be having a good time, even though at first she was being careful and cautious by only applying two carefully painted stripes to her face. But Slade is Slade and he downs her in paint which made me smile lots. It's like he's always trying to push her further. I like that she's not really that bothered about the dress potentially being ruined, more so that he surprised her like that :tehe: cheeky bugger.

What I also like about Madison is that she's not one of those reckless party girls. She's got a lethal drink, but she's sipping it which to me sounds like she;s rather in control. Maybe it's because the bad experience of being so drunk after watching her father on stage taught her a lesson in restraint when it comes to drinking.

TAYLOR! :lmfao

Hahaha wow thank you for adding him in, that really made me laugh out loud. What a way to make a move on a girl! I'm not sure whether to think he's a groping idiot or whether he is just cocky. Either way he makes a really interesting addition to the ensemble you've got already because he is very different to all the boys. I mean Mike is pretty defensive of Madison and updates Taylor about Madison and Slade's status.

It's interesting to see the interaction between Taylor and Slade. Maybe I'm imaging it but there's something not so comfortable between them? Hmm. I think it's just me :tehe: but it'll be interesting to see how those two deal with each other.

But seriously Taylor makes me laugh he seems to be a bit of a trouble maker and is causing a bit of havoc in the friendship circle. He's probably just really lonely and misunderstood :tehe: I like how Blair is trying to take control of the situation and is trying to kick Taylor out. It's nice to know that Blair has that kind of influence in a club like that and it's pretty comforting for Madison too even though she doesn't seem fazed at all by Taylor.

But eeeeeek Slade and Madison! You write the smooshy and cutesy scenes so well! I love this pairing. You make them so at ease with each other it's adorable and I will personally cause havoc if anyone tries to split them up :tehe:

Ooooh who's on the end of the phone? I'm thinking either mother or father... but we shall see no? I love the building up of drama, just when you think everything is good and Madison is settled and feeling better BAM! I love it :tehe:

I seriously hope mibba is not blocked at uni because I don't want to be missing out on these! So on that note best of luck my gorgeous one at Derby, you are going to kick everyone's ass in the creative writing class. And you best know it my lovely :arms:

Sorry this is a little bit late. Idk what it is with me and this story but I always seem to leave feedback for this in pairs! I really am slow, I do apologise.

Unlock My Heart
I thought it was kind of apt the way that Madison saw the octopus. All she could think about was being wrapped in those tentacles and squeezed to death. I guess this is kind of similar to real life; she's being wrapped up by all these problems and they're taking all of the life out of her. She's worrying about other people and not thinking of herself. She just can't get her father and mother off her mind and things still don't make sense to her. She's wrapped up in words and it's like everything is just this massive octopus enveloping her.

I liked this bit. A pair of arms wrapped around her and gently squeezed her. In some ways, Slade is acting like the octopus and squeezing her, but he's also like the anti-octopus (am I even making sense any more? :lmfao) because he's being gentle with her and he's like her lifeline. Whilst everything else is suffocating her and killing her inside, he's helping her to breathe and try to forget about all the bad things that are currently going on in her life.

The way you've written them is really good and believable. With a faint smile still gracing her features, Madison patted Slade's arm. They don't need to have a massive public display of affection and spend every waking moment with their arms wrapped around one another, they're more than happy to break apart and do their own thing, which is good to read. I do like how she just patted his arm too, it's a small sign of affection but nothing too big, just a little sweet moment. It's clear that they really like one another and it's good how they feel that they don't necessarily have to show off that fact.

It was good to read Slade's positive impact on Madison, too. She hadn't felt as happy as she did with him for a long time. He was probably just the thing she needed to cheer herself up and it's good that he's here because he seems to be supporting her best he can in her time of need. Slade just makes her feel happy and he makes her feel loved, which I'm guessing is something she hasn't really felt in a while - what with her dad always dragging her to the burlesque bar and making her feel obliged to stay and watch her. I got the impression it was taking it out of her.

I absolutely loved Slade's reasoning for taking Madison to the aquarium! "I like aquariums. And I guess it's easy to lose yourself in the depths of the ocean." He wants her to lose herself and try to stop worrying about her life and the things that are happening, which are beyond her control. Which is really caring of him - although he's said that he loves the aquarium, he's taken Madison here to try and help her to forget all of her problems, so this visit is primarily for Madison.

I love how sincere Slade is, and I love how readily Madison listens to him. She felt tears sting her eyes as the sincere words left Slade's lips. She'll just believe him without questioning him and she has this faith in him that's so strong. Slade just speaks his mind and always seems to know the right words to say to cheer Madison up. I know that he's described as not really knowing what to do to make her feel better and doesn't know how to act, but he's doing what he can and that's enough for Madison. She knows how hard he's trying and I think that's half the battle won.

This reaction about Blair's text spoke volumes about Madison. She pushed her phone back into her pocket, without bothering to reply. This was something that's been established earlier, what with Madison's reluctance to go the ball and Blair having to persuade her to come on the grounds that she needed a break. And I do only think that Madison went for Blair's sake only. And it was the little things, like the fact she wore a simple dress whilst Blair went extravagant. I like how you've really focused on this little section of Madison's character and as soon as I read this I was reminded that Madison isn't really one for parties - she's kind of similar to me in that way, so it was nice for me to find a way to empathise with her. I also like how (at least at this point) it wasn't explicitly stated that she didn't want to go, it was just hinted at because of her actions.

I loved how Slade was ever the optimist with his smart response to Madison. I don't think he understands how Madison feels about all of this, but reckons that he'll be able to cheer her up and help her to have a good time and let go of her problems, regardless. Which is sweet of him and I admire his optimism.

It was a good note to end the part on, too. But she was going to go along with it, because she couldn't do this alone. It shows that Madison is willing to go along with it for Slade, and she might think that it could cheer her up, since Slade's so adamant about that fact.

She'll move on
Ooh, well this was an interesting update, to say the least! A lot happened, but it wasn't information overload and it all worked really well, it was a fast pace which really matched the mood of the piece. I think this is my favourite part of the story so far.

I liked how you made out the place to be quite an undesirable place to be from the word go. Bodies were packed in tight, with barely any room for them to breathe. It's already been painted out to be an unpleasant place for Madison before they even stepped inside, and now that they're in there, it's like they're all in there like sardines and it seems to be a very uncomfortable place. So right from the word go, there's already a bad feeling in the air. Which is never a good start to a night out.

I liked how everybody else was eager to cover themselves in the glowing paint, and Madison's just a bit quiet and self-conscious to an extent. she had carefully applied two lines of orange paint to each side of her face Everybody else was smearing themselves with the paint and she's very minimalistic, just putting it on carefully and precisely. I think Slade noticed the sombre mood of Madison, which was why he thought it would be a good idea to splash her with paint to lighten the mood a little bit. He notices when Madison's feeling down and tries to be spontaneous to make her feel better.

It was sweet how Madison immediately thought of Slade. Choosing to ignore the weird stranger, she took another sip of her drink, hoping Slade would return and rescue her as soon as possible. She knows that Slade will look after her and knows that when Slade gets back, he'll get the stranger to leave her alone. I think she can tell that this stranger wants to hit on her and she obviously doesn't want this to happen, what with her being with Slade, so things are quite uncomfortable and she's a little unsure of him.

I loved how Taylor tried to act all innocent when Mike made an appearance! [He] shrugged innocently, hiding his guilty hands behind his back. He wants to hide the evidence, although to be honest it's all pointing at him and there's nothing he can do about it. He seems like a man who just does what he wants and doesn't think before he does it. He thinks he can get away with anything and doesn't like to follow rules - which is more evident later on in the part when it's revealed that he was chucked out of the bar earlier on that night for a similar offence.

This says a lot about Taylor. "I think me and you will be good friends." He puts himself first in the statement, showing that his number one priority is himself. And that's where him and Slade are just on opposite ends of the scale. Slade has great joy in making others feel better and puts people before himself, but Taylor seems to only be thinking of himself in the long run.

Filled in a room of unfamiliar faces (especially when Slade disappeared) must have been kind of daunting for Madison and I think she really welcomed seeing Blair. "Maddy!" A familiar and comforting voice cried from behind her. I think it's more to do with the words that described Blair, what with her being familiar and comforting. She's been surrounded by unfamiliar faces and just wants to see somebody she knows. And here she is with her best friend, who probably understands more than most that Madison isn't really a lover of parties and would be more comfortable with having a night inside, instead. So seeing Blair is a relief for Madison.

I love how passionate Blair is! That's one of my favourite traits about her character. I love how she just grabbed hold of Madison and stormed out of the bathroom in pursuit of Taylor when Madison had told her what had happened. She's quick to defend her friends and because Taylor had done something similar to her, this has annoyed her even more and she's gone on a rampage to track him down because he's really pissed her off. I love how angry she gets!

I confess, this line from Taylor really made me laugh. :tehe: "No! I'll be good, I promise!" He's acting like a naughty child who just wants one more chance to behave himself, but Blair is just having none of it and it was highly amusing to read how Blair practically wrestled him out of the door, and also about the really girly slap fight that Austin and Taylor got into.

The way you ended this part was rather mysterious! Only two people could ruin her mood right now, and one was on the other end of the line. It's not clear as to who it is (although I have my suspicions XDD) and I like how open-ended it was. It ended on quite a sad note and it really stuck in my mind. As if Madison's night couldn't get any more hectic?

Great updates, as always. Sorry about the wait! :twitch:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TJUUUUUGZ!

Oh my Lord, this is by far the greatest filler I have ever read! I do not believe you could have portrayed my true lover in a better way. :lmfao

hahah Tay J.
I love this<3

Right I really don't see why I didn't give you this earlier I am just ridiculously lazy. Honestly I am really sorry you had to wait this long. So I really hope this makes up for it because I feel like a major d-bag...

light me up like dynamite

I really like how at the start of this Madison is completely OCD. It shows that she really needs to be able to control something in her crazy crazy life. Also the whole idea of clean shows that she really just wants to clean out her life from all the bad things and just start over fresh. It sweet how all the way through her cleaning moment, Slade follows her around and watches her. It's as if he's afraid to leave her alone or she'll break down. It shows that he's really quite protective of her and that he really does care. It's so sweet and genuine.

He is also really important in the relationship between Blaire and Madison, seeing as he's a boy he brings in that different aspect and really adds some new banter. He's trying to lighten the situation and maybe at times it can look tactless I think it really shows his character and how caring he is. Basically he's perfect for Madison :tehe:

I love how Blair is the warning for the storm that is about to come. She and Slade seem really protective over her, they each may have their different reasons but I can see the two of them teaming up and fighting for Madison's best interest. They aren't controlling over her which is sweet and unlike Blair's mum. But even when she orders Slade out I don't think it's in a mean way. She seems to act more like a mother than Madison's own and that's heart warming, so in a way Mrs Palmer is also looking out for Madison. Although she does presume to know how Madison's father is going to react to Slade which is slightly irritating. I hope Maddy's father feels bad when he sees how many people care about his daughter and how many are looking out for her when he isn't.

Madison's reaction to her mother is very natural and understandable. SHe doesn't make a huge diva fuss out if it, but she tells her mother exactly how she feels. I like how you've written this part, you really made Madison strong by making her walk out. She's not making a 'mistake' as her mother is calling it. I just think she knows what's good for her and what's not. Being around a woman who left her obviously isn't good so Madison takes things into her own hand.

I just I realized that you mentioned that an episode of The City was on TV. Lovely little bit of irony there seeing as Madison's life is petty drama based right now :tehe: sorry I'm just too sad.

It never stops

Aw I feel so bad for Madison right now. She really doesn't need all this extra stress and worry that comes in the form of her mother. I'm just really consoled by the idea that Slade is really trying his best to make her smile and make her happy again this line: trying his hardest to make the situation somewhat better. He just wanted her to stop crying, that was all. just made me look like this: it's so sweet. Where can I find a boy like that please? :tehe:

It seems that everyone is having a bit of drama in their life, Blair and her mother fighting about the annulment and then obviously Madison and her family. Slade seems to be the only one who is not directly affected but the drama. But of course because he's with Madison so he's right in the middle. You can sort of tell that he doesn't want to get in too deep with the actually drama because his first priority is, and most likely always will be, Madison and her well being. He instinctively looks out for her and comforts her by kissing her on the forehead, something that seriously makes me squee it's so cute.

Madison putting make up on was a nice symbolic touch. She's trying to gain her composure so she can reassure everyone that everything is ok. Make up acts like a mask to those people who have no idea what's going on. The good thing is that Slade knows exactly what the deal is and Madison won't be able to hide that from him. I actually find that really comforting and touching.

I like how in this chapter it's a role reversal. This time it's Slade who knows where they're going and Madison is the one in the dark. Potentially that's symbolic of how she's feeling at the moment: slightly lost and in need of guidance and someone to push her in the right direction.

:tehe: at Slade and his dreamy reaction to the fish, it really makes me chuckle. It's like the aquarium is a place to escape to, just like the meadow because it has no links to the drama that seems to follow the two of them :cute:

unlock my heart
Meeep I want a boy to take me to an aquarium :crazy: this is just uber cuteness and it's bonus points to Slade for being so thoughtful adasdasdas.

I like the way you're written their relationship. It's sweet and not full on in your face. You can tell that Madison really needs him she couldn't do it alone. but she doesn't need to cling onto him the whole time and leech onto him. For example she goes to a different part of the aquarium to look at the fish. She doesn't trail Slade and in some way that shows her confidence but deep down she really really does need him, especially now.

He is really thoughtful towards her and he seems to really pick up on her emotions and knows what to do. He knows that she needs to get away from it all I guess it's easy to lose yourself in the depths of the ocean.

It's a very selfless relationship as well which is really sweet. Slade devotes his time to her Believe me, if I could fix all of this for you, I wouldand she is very thankful for it, she doesn't take him for granted. I think that's a lesson she learned the hard way in her life: she took her mother for granted (as all people tend to do) and she walked out on Madison and her Dad. So I'm thinking she sort of learnt to control that emotion and now has to make a point of thanking those people in her life who mean very much.

It's cute that he makes her cry even when she's happy IT'S LOVE :tehe: but no seriously it's really sweet and I could say this over and over again but I love these two together. I hope we get more cutesy stuff with them.

Slade really does go out of his way to try and cheer her up, and I'm really interested to see what happens at this party now. It'll be interesting to Slade and Madison together when there's a lot of people around them :cute:

Again I'm really really really really really sorry that this took so long. Next time I'll be prompt with it :arms:

hehehehe is one of those ideas TT? ~~

Ohai really late feedback. :tehe:

Light me up like dynamite
The title of this part makes me think of one of my favourite Rise Against songs. Which makes it awesome before I even begin!

Anyway. I like how the opening is basically the calm before the storm. Everything is tidy and neatly arranged. And it's like this is Madison's way of coping - she wants to just clean everything in her life away from her and start afresh. She's really been shaken up by seeing her mother again and this is just how she wants to cope. She just wants to clean everything away and it's also taking her mind off things. She's just fully focusing on the tidying and is just trying not to think of anything else.

This implies that Slade's a little bit lost and doesn't quite know how to react to Madison in this state. So now, the pair of them sat at each end of the plush sofa. They're not sitting next to each other, all cuddled up - they're sat at each end. I think that Slade's a little bit miffed that Madison has all but ignored him in her cleaning frenzy and all Madison wants right now is a little bit of space.

I thought it was a good technique to have Slade interrupt Blair because it gave the part a little more tension. And it's the fact that she shot him a dirty look, more than anything, because it implied that she had something important to say and just wanted to come out with it. And it makes the reader a little anxious too. She's been running and grabbed their attention as soon as she walked into the room - she was desperate to speak to Madison and Slade ruined the "moment", if that's the right way of putting it.

And Madison's reaction is very realistic - she froze. The one thing that she's been hiding from has found her, and although this meeting was inevitable and had to happen some time, I think she feels that she's not quite ready yet, she needs a few more days to sort her head out. And now that they're coming round, a thousand scared thoughts are rushing through her head and she's just trying to process them.

This shows that Rosalie likes to take control. She opened it slightly, before it was pushed open by her mother. Blair is a little wary to let her in, now that she's found out the full story, but once her mother becomes focused on something, nothing will get in her way. She's a very driven woman - this is already evident from the effort she put into the ball earlier on in the story and how she's acted in past parts - and this just cements it. I think she knows that Madison doesn't really want her to come in, which is why she's barged straight in without even saying a word.

I thought it was sweet that Madison wanted Slade to stay with her. It's like he gives her support just by being there, and I think that's just what she needs right now. I don't understand why Rosalie wants Slade to leave though, but saying that I do like that it's not explained why because it helps the reader to make their own mind up. I get the impression that she's still a little bit angry because of the ice sculpture incident, and he's still a bit afraid of her which is why he got to his feet to leave, instead of staying with Madison. But Madison is quite insistent that he stays, so even though at the start of this part they were sat at opposite ends of the sofa, they're still going strong.

But Slade still feels a little bit awkward. She motioned for Slade to sit down again, and he did as he was told, now feeling like a spare part. He's a very easy-going person and is a person who'll just do as he's told, no questions asked. I don't think he quite knows what to do in this situation. I think he senses that something bad is going to happen, which is why he wants to be there for Madison, but he's worrying about the fact that Rosalie doesn't want him there.

I thought it was clever how you wrote the Rosalie and Blair moment. Rosalie spoke to Madison kindly, calling her darling and trying to talk to her calmly. But when Blair intervenes, Rosalie snaps at her - what with the fact she shot daggers at her and told her that her life was in ruins. It's kind of ironic that she's showing sympathy to Madison and not to her own daughter, even though it was her daughter that told her where to find Madison. She doesn't seem to be thanking her at all. I think she's still really annoyed about the fact that Blair got married behind her back at a cheap, random chapel - I think Rosalie wanted to organise a massive big wedding, and also get the impression that she thinks that Blair has rushed into this relationship.

Madison was hurt a lot when her mother left and she's just been building up all these feelings inside her in the time that she went away. She never understood why she left and she's been driving herself mad with all these angry thoughts over the years. I know that over time she probably thought about it less, but it's always been there at the back of her head. And she's planned so many things to say to her mother if they ever meet again, but now they're here and facing one another, she's lost for words which is why she walks away. She doesn't want to try and repair what was damaged, because she got hurt too much, and she's scared of getting hurt again if her mother leaves for a second time.

It never stops
I like how dramatically the part opened and it followed on well from the previous part, I thought it was a good idea to set it very soon after the last part, but there had still been time for everybody to cool down and sort things out a little bit. But the fact that Madison is still crying, even after an hour, shows how deeply affected she's been by her mother's visit. She'd all but told herself that her mother didn't exist any more, and suddenly she's back on the scene. It must really be a weight on her mind.

And Blair is just as annoyed/upset as Madison. The front door was still wide open, the paint scratched from where Blair had slammed it against the wall. This shows the aggression that Blair felt as soon as her mother mentioned her marriage. She's not bothered closing it; she slammed it so hard that it swung back open again and I think that was her way of showing her mother that she doesn't care what she thinks - she's in love with her husband and that's all that matters to her.

Slade's just there and he's being such a sweetheart about the whole thing. He hasn't really known Madison for all that long and yet he's still sticking around for her, even though there's a few problems being lumped onto him at once, what with Madison's mother and Blair's marriage, for starters. It shows that he's not a quitter and will put his heart into what he believes in. And he feels sad when Madison's down, and he just wants to make her feel better so that things can go back to how they were before Madison's mum showed up - they were both really happy and having an amazing time with one another. Slade's not comfortable with this change in Madison but he's trying his best, which is awfully sweet of him.

Both mother and daughter (Rosalie and Blair) are as stubborn as one another. Rosalie had carried on making it clear that she wanted Blair and Austin to have an annulment, but Blair was having none of it. Rosalie is insistent that Blair divorces Austin, but Blair is just intent on making this marriage work. She's not a quitter and she loves Austin, so it's only natural that she stays with him. I love her determination and I think the added problem of Madison's mum being back on the scene hasn't done wonders for Blair's problems. I loved how you wrote angry Blair, by the way, very believable.

I really like the calming way that you've written Slade. Slade stroked Madison's knotted hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Let's go somewhere." He's one of those really relaxed people who just makes things feel better by being there. And I think that's one of the reasons why Madison feels so attached to him already. He makes her so happy and he knows what to do to make her feel better. And I love this little moment, here. It's really cute and mushy, and also very natural at the same time. You're so good at writing cutesy couple moments.

Blair is such a sweetheart, too. "Everything will be okay, I promise you, it will." She shot Slade a smile, before leaving the apartment. She's a lot like Slade in some aspects. They both want the best for Madison, they both want her to be happy and they both have confidence in her. And I liked the fact that she smiled at Slade, it's like she knows that he'll be able to cheer her up.

It's obvious the positive effect that Slade has on Madison, too. For the first time that day, Madison smiled. The feeling felt so foreign to her. Slade was able to crack a smile onto her face and I get the impression that Madison is a stubborn person - she has the ability to mull over something for days and if it's bugging her then it'll be hard for her to think of anything else. But Slade has managed to make her smile, which is half the battle won. I love how Slade can make everything better. XD

I love how spontaneous this all is! "So this is my cheer up trip?" Madison asked, smiling at Slade as he looked around dreamily. Slade is like a kid in a toy shop and it seems like it was an impulse for him to come to the aquarium. I love how you described him as looking dreamily at his surroundings, it's like he's got lost in his own little world. And he wants to take Madison into his world with him, to cheer her up.

I like how open-ended you left it, as well, what with them just walking into the aquarium. It leaves a lot of things open to interpretation (and you know that I love that in stories! :tehe:) and also leaves so many possibilities for the next part! It would be interesting to see the reasoning behind Slade's decision to go to the aquarium.

Sorry for the wait. I don't really have an excuse, I just got excited over Bogeyman and wanted to review that one first. XD

Aww!! :tehe:

Hmm, I think Slade should get a full Tranny makeover but hey that's just me...

I didn't realize you were continuing:D!
THERE IS A GOD!

More drama! I loved this update, even if it was overdue. :D

i fxxing love you for having a slade story. =]

Oooooh I'm so slow at this feedback. I have to get in the swing of thing. I apologize in advance for any silly spelling mistakes it's like 1am at the moment but I can't sleep and this is constructive so yeah... moving on :tehe:

Gah this might just be my favorite story tied with Stay Close, I love how it's a slightly ordinary girl in a very extraordinary circumstance. I mean her father is a drag queen and she has the lovely Slade Echerivasdasda drooling over her. That's pretty cool especially considering how she has managed to stay level headed throughout everything.

That being said you really push your character her with her threshold for dealing with family drama.

I like how you've got Maddy and Slade in the cafe just after the lunchtime rush where there is usually a lull in the amount of costumers. It reflects on the two of them and how Maddy is in desperate need for a time out so she can explain herself to Slade. But not only that I think she just needs a few moments to get her head together and sort her own emotions out. That last idea could potentially be reflected in the waitress who gives herself a couple of minutes to gather herself together and make her thoughts coherent, but I might just be digging too deep :tehe:

Aaaah I have to thank you immensely here for Maddy's attitude towards crying. I have read so many stories where girls refused to cry because it made them look weak/pathetic/needy/emo etc etc but here: nooo. You get he feeling that she doesn't actually mind crying that much, and I'm glad you said it's not because of her 'looking weak issues' but simply because she doesn't look good crying. It's a very natural girl reaction and a lot of the times when I start blubbering I think more about how bad I look than the fact that I might appear 'weak to others'. I get the feeling that she's actually quite confidant because she wouldn't mind sharing a moment when she isn't as strong as she really is, but she does care a lot for outer appearances and that she takes the time to compose herself really shows that.

Whatever was wrong, he wanted to fix it. He wanted to see her smile, not cry. I adore the basic boy instinct that is either to protect or 'fix'. It's sweet that he really wants to help her out and render the situation better for her. He tells her that she doesn't need to tell him anything about what happened, and you said at the bottom that you hoped his lack of common sense came across right? Well it starts here I think. In oder to cheer her up you would need to know how and by that you'd need to know why she was upset. He's far less rational than Maddy and is slightly more impulsive. I reckon that's why they work out so well together :tehe:

Maddy driving made me laugh. Boys always have such a big ego trip about driving and what not but Maddy literally takes the wheel here, potentially showing that she is ready to get her life in control and to make her way through everything. But I really think she needs this moment with Slade and I actually 'awed' and looked like this: when I read the bit about him grabbing hold of her hand. She needs his support and she needs to know that he's there and that he's got her back. I think I've said this before but with Slade she can be really honest because he had no implications on her past life. He's only been a recent force and is therefore reasonably neutral to everything that happens in her life. Does that even make sense? I'm waffling really badly now....

It was interesting to get the back story with Madison and her mum now. It explains a lot, for example how she now resents her dad for his job. She resents him because he looked at Maddy as if her mother leaving was her fault, so it's Maddy's way of subconsciously (or consciously) getting back at him.

It's kind of harsh that suddenly her mother decides to pop up again, and I reckon Maddy acted in a totally justifiable way. I probably would have done the same. You can't expect her to run up to her mum and throw her arms around her, after everything that she has done.

It's interesting to see how Slade admits that this is one thing that he can't fix. It has nothing to do with him and only family can fix family. But somehow I know/hope that he is still going to stand beside her and help her with things. He can't fix the situation but he can fix her by being supportive and lovely.

So I hop this made sense to you, I can't actually really see what I'm typing now, my contacts have gone all fuzzy. Let me know if there's anything you want rephrasing :tehe:
I can't wait for the next update and I'm really psyched to see what else you can bring in to draw this out for as long as possible :arms:

Wow, I didn't even know you updated until I realized the story said it was inactive.
That was too shortD:! I need more! It was a sweet ending though:].

My family have all gone out in the pouring rain to the village that we've already visited about five times, so now is a perfect time to come and leave you feedback. I told you that I'd get something done. :XD You've updated twice (:cheese:) so I'll now leave feedback for both parts.

Tears fall like the rain
Wow, really wasn't expecting the mother to come back into this! That was definitely interesting to note, but I'll get onto that later since it happens in the middle of the part. But yeah, as soon as I read that, it just kept on my mind (and I read it at least four hours ago) and it's been on my mind ever since. I'm really intrigued as to what's gone on in this story and I can't wait for the big "reveal all" part. I'm enjoying reading this so much, I can't wait to see where it's all going to go in the end, especially now that Slade has a bigger part in this, rather than just the "guy in the band" like he was at the beginning. I love how you've developed this story, definitely one of my favourites on mibba.

The way you opened it was great, and I love how you just slotted Madison in effortlessly. I love how you do that - you set a scene and then just slot the characters in. In this part, you described how there were still people out and about despite the humid sun, and this is how Madison comes in. Madison was one of those people. She stood on the pavement outside the apartment complex she lived in with her father, they had moved there few days after her mother had left all those years ago. I also like the bit of back story that's given here. I like that you gave the impression that Madison's dad couldn't really carry on the way he had done after Madison's mother left - he couldn't stay in their old place so he moved them into an apartment complex to escape. But did they really escape? I mean, after all, she's come back.

I like this insight to Madison. She was scared of him being upset with her, that was one thing Madison hated, people she loved being upset or angry because of her. She's not worried about her dad being angry, or anything like that, she just doesn't want him to be upset. It shows that she puts others before herself and she doesn't really care what happens to her, as long as everybody else is okay. She doesn't want her father to be upset because she went away without telling him.

I loved this little bit from Blair. Upon hearing that Slade was coming back to Tucson, Blair had gladly handed over her apartment keys and told the pair of them to tidy up for her, since she was going to be in New York for a week, and was taking Austin with her. She's looking out for Madison because she knows that it's been a while since Madison had anybody. She wants the relationship between the two of them to work because she knows that Madison deserves some happiness. And I think she did this to encourage the pair of them because she knows that they're both a little bit shy around one another.

It was here that I instantly knew that something wasn't quite right. He looked like a naughty child, caught doing something they shouldn't have. I knew that something was wrong and I was instantly filled with confusion. At first I thought that it was just some unknown woman and that Madison's father was just a little bit embarrassed about Madison catching him in the act, but now I understand why he had the look of a naughty child.

I was first of all intrigued at Madison's reaction. Madison bit her lip, holding back tears as she bolted for the kitchen, grabbing her bag and heading straight for the front door. It was then that I understood that something wasn't right and there was perhaps something more to this woman than what's been let on. She's obviously been very affected from what she'd been confronted with and she just wants to escape. By this stage I was desperate to find out what was coming next!

And then it all slotted into place - but I'm still very intrigued. The woman she was lead to believe had walked out on them, left them for no apparent reason, was now in her father's bedroom, with him. I instantly wanted to know why she was there and why Madison didn't know until now. I get the impression that this has happened a few times - hence why her father looked guiltily at her. This really got me wondering as to what's going on and it's made me so interested to see where you're taking this and what significance this is going to have on the storyline.

I like the way that Slade was introduced to this part. Through her tears, Madison couldn't help but smile as his head disappeared back into the car. It was nice to see the positive impact of Slade on her. He brings such lightness to the story and helps to move things along. He just makes her feel happy and I like the way that you've written him, he's portrayed as such a sweetheart.

The way the part ended was great. She nodded. "Let's go before you starve." I like that it ended on a light-hearted note because it gives me hope for the rest of the story and I have confidence that Slade is going to help Madison through this, even though it was stated at the end of the next part that Slade was worried he wouldn't be able to fix this.

Sugar rush
I like the fact that you keep things consistent and it was nice to note that when there's some big news to be announced, the characters go to a quiet restaurant or cafe. I think it's the fact that they like their conversations to be private and they don't like people nosing in. It was something I immediately recognised and I think that to some extent they feel safe like that. It's obvious that you're putting a lot of effort into all the little intricate details of the story.

This shows that Madison just isn't with it. She stirred her glass of lemonade with a straw, the half melted ice cubes clinking together. She just feels awkward in this place, sat with Slade and I think she just wants to get away. She's just fiddling and trying to bring her attention away from the fact that she saw her dad with her mother who'd supposedly done a disappearing act, and she's still trying to make sense of it all in her head. She just wants to take her mind off things.

Sorry for the epic quote here! The last thing she wanted was to break down in another flood of tears, she hated crying, and she hated letting other people see her cry. Of course she didn't see crying as a weakness, she just didn't look pretty when she did cry and she hated off loading her problems onto others. I think this says a lot about Madison's character. She worries about the impression that she gives of herself to others, and this is an echo of the previous part - in which she worries about her dad being upset with her. She doesn't want people to worry about her.

Slade is just such a sweetheart! Whatever was wrong, he wanted to fix it. He wanted to see her smile, not cry. All he wants to do right now is to make Madison happy. He wants to help her in the best way that he can do. He's a sweet guy and I like how you've written him, he's a very likeable guy. He wants to cheer her up because he cares about her.

I like how believable their relationship is, despite the fact that they haven't really known one another for very long. She teared up again. She'd known him for a weekend, and already he'd made an impact on her. In some stories I read, the relationship is so rushed and is just terribly unbelievable. But you've written it as a whirlwind relationship and these things do happen in real life. They're completely taken with one another and already have a great deal of trust and respect for one another. It's refreshing to read.

I thought this was sweet. He pouted, slowly pulling the keys out of his pocket, handing them to her. I think that in this little bit, Slade is looking out for Madison and wants to make sure that she's okay. He's not sure whether she'll be able to drive in the state that she's in. I also think that he's a typical boy and likes his toys - it's Blair's car and it seems to be pretty fancy so he's quite eager to have a go in it and try it out. He's a very believable guy. :tehe:

This was quite amusing to read. He looked unsure for a moment, glancing at the car. It was almost as if he was going to jump back in and lock the door behind him. But instead, he nodded and followed her into the overgrown field. This is Slade out of his comfort zone and he doesn't know what to do. But at the same time he has trust in Madison and knows that she wouldn't be taking him to a place that would be unsafe. He's unsure but he knows that Madison knows what she's doing. His confusion is very realistic and has been described really well. He's normally quite a sure character but right now he's anything but. He wants to run away but thinks that if he goes with Madison then he might be able to cheer her up or help her in some way.

I think this was exactly what Madison needed. She stopped and turned to look at him, before looking down at their hands locked together, a small smile breaking out across her face. She needs cheering up and I think that by being showed some affection it helps her to keep going and I think that it's definitely a good idea to have a character like Slade in this story because he really helps to keep things going along when everybody is down.

This is such a contrast to the Madison at the start of the part. Madison giggled and walked over to Slade, helping him up, the pair of them sitting down on the hammock together. I think the factor of Slade being there has helped her to deal with it and has also made things easier for her to open up about it all. He's managed to make her smile and he's doing everything he possibly can to cheer her up - and it seems to be working. It shows that he already has some devotion for her and just wants to make her happy again because he knows that she's down.

I like how when Madison opened up, she got a bit upset. It helps to make the story a little more believable. She nodded, tears filling her eyes again. "I don't know why I left. I don't know why I'm so upset. I guess I blame her for a lot of things." I think it's the fact that Madison's mum left when she was quite young, and when you're young you don't really know what to do in a situation like this. I don't think that Madison has ever really gotten over the fact that her mother's gone and I think she blames herself, because of the fact that her father looked at her as if it was her fault.

I think that Slade is being a little bit pessimistic here. This was out of his control. This was the one thing Slade Echeverria couldn't fix, and he hated it. I think that sometimes, all you can really do is to offer a shoulder to cry on and just say some kind words. In some situations there isn't really a lot you can do, so I think that Slade is being a little bit hard on himself. I also like how the ending of this part contrasted with the last one - the last one ended on a happy light-hearted note, but this one was a little more serious.

Ace update, as always. I really can't wait for more! :cheese: As I was writing this feedback, I was actually getting ideas for my own stories. Oh my, I'm such a saddo. XD