June 20th, 2009 at 04:39pm
First, I should say that I love your descriptions. They are absolutey scrumptious, my dear, and even for someone who knows who these people are, those descriptions really bring your interpretation of them to life. I love how you said 'obsidian ice' - which is great because obsidian is this warm, black, substance, yet you're making these eyes seem so cold. I loved that. I really did.
And the dream that he has. That was amazing. It felt like I'd read this before, and hell, maybe I have, but it was gorgeous. The way the hurt is written, and the way you say that their wedding is called off ('band of silver hurled at the wall' and all that). Well.
I just don't know what to say about this piece. It was amazing, it was well-written, and my ever-scrutinous eye found no grammar-related errors. Thank you. This was an excellent read, and I did so enjoy it.
Kudos, friend.
The opening was really ominous. I like the mood that was set. The chill of the smothering waves couldn’t compare to that look in his eyes. The way you described it was just...it was so heartbreaking and I nearly cried whilst reading it. It's so sad, and the imagery is spot on. It seems really fitting, like looking into his eyes is chilling Die right down to the bone, but he just can't look away. It's almost like he's glued to his eyes.
Sorry to quote so much. Not that I ever had a heart… I couldn’t have one, could I? Not if I could hurt him so badly, destroy him so completely, wound him so deeply. Die doesn't think that he can have a heart, because he's hurt the one he loves. It's like he believes that now that he's hurt Kaoru, he's capable of doing it again. It's like he doesn't trust himself to completely love again because he's scared of hurting people. He knows how much he hurt Kaoru, and he's the one that's paying the price.
I can picture this perfectly in my mind. I’ll never forget that glare, that piercing, heart-wrenching glare. This was one of the most vivid descriptions and this is something that's obviously haunted Die for a while now, ever since it happened. I don't think it will ever escape from his mind, it will always be stuck there and he'll never be able to shake it away. And I think it's this look that makes him feel even worse, he knows he's done wrong and the look that he had from Kaoru breaks his heart.
I can really hear this. a voice that threatened to break along with his kind, loving heart It's just a voice filled with so much despair, wobbling and uneasy. And it makes me feel upset just to read it, and know that Kaoru is just breaking and it's all Die's fault. It's really upsetting to read. Damn you Becky, you're gonna make me tear up! :lmfao
You've written Die's desperation incredibly well. “Kaoru….” I had pleaded, as if his name alone, said with the right tone and thick layer of apologetic sadness, was enough to get him to forgive me. Die is practically on his hands and knees, begging Kaoru. And he can't say lots of words - what can he say, in all honesty? - so he just spoke his name. He's sorry, that's really obvious, but he doesn't know of Kaoru will forgive him. And this petrifies him.
This was really abstract. I try to relax, watching the red tendrils of my knotted hair float away I really loved this description. It's like, Die is trying to relax and he's trying to tell himself that everything is going to be okay. But it's like the hair is symbolic of his mind, and his mind is drifting exactly where he wants it not to go. He wants to stop worrying...he just can't.
And here, it's admitted that Kaoru's gaze is just haunting him. facing the deepest, darkest reaches of Hell was preferable to looking into those eyes. Die just can't escape. It's like in a dream where you're running and not getting anywhere. He's cornered wherever he goes, constant reminders of what he's done. It's just imprinted in his brain and he can just never sleep. It's like pure desperation and upset for him, and I think that it's driving him insane because it just hurts so much.
And this is just utter desperation. But no one can hear me. After all, I am alone. He wants somebody to hear him, but nobody of any worth can hear him. Not when he doesn't have Kaoru. He wants Kaoru to hear, he wants him to hear his apologies. But he can't. I think that by referring to "no one being able to hear him", no one is in fact Kaoru - for the simple fact that Kaoru is the only person he needs out of everybody.
I think it's really significant that it's Kaoru that wakes him from the dream. His voice and it suddenly feels warm. In his dream, he was begging for Kaoru and it probably felt so real to him. And suddenly he's there, in real life. Rather than in just a dream. And the fact his voice is "warm" shows the comfort that Die finds in it. Die just finds warmth and comfort in Kaoru, and can't really imagine a life without him.
And suddenly it's like Die comes back to life. He releases his grip, engagement ring glinting in the dim green light with the movement of his hand – I sigh in relief. I think it's the fact that he sees the ring that makes him relax and he's able to finally come back to the land of the living and he's able to realise what is real and what isn't. The wedding is still going ahead and he's still with Kaoru. Things aren't entirely fixed, but they're still together and they're still going to get married.
It's obvious that the dream is still preying on his mind. “Kaoru… it didn’t mean anything,” I attempt to reassure him, my voice faltering - not through dishonesty but through nervousness. Like, I think he knows that the dream wasn't real. But he's scared of Kaoru leaving him, and he's scared of ending up all alone. So it's like he feels that he has to apologise, just in case. He's scared, and this is his way of dealing.
Great ending. “I know, Die. I know.” It seems to me that they've been in this situation a few times before, with Kaoru having to reassure Die that everything is okay. Kaoru hasn't forgiven him yet, but he wants Die to know that he's not leaving, and he's going to stay with him. Kaoru knows that time is a healer and things will get better. And he's sticking it out.
Beautiful writing. Loved it, loved it. You are a bloody brilliant writer. :arms: