Third Time's the Glam - Comments

I really like this...but you never posted the last chapter. By chance do you think that you could? I'd love to see how this ended. :)

very good ending like a cliffhanger but not since you know what it means it leaves you to think like a rhetorical ending. i lov it. If it wasnt for the fact hes married and loves her more than life itself i wouldnevr guess hes not Adams BF for ever

Oh my God, that has got to be one of the most beautiful things that I ever read.

It was completely flawless. The tone of the story is impeccable. The way it's written has this insane feeling to it, almost like your floating on Kris' emotions. Every word was greatly chosen. Every sentence was effortlessly perfect. I can't even put it into words how much I love this.

This is what good writing is.

this is just like a breath of fresh air and i just... i just. this. this is good.
your descriptions are amazing. really. this one especially:
and Kris would toil at every diamond mine to find one that matches Adam’s smile
and i don't even really care for the pairing of kris/adam but damn, how could i go back to not caring now?
just. beautiful. you're a great writer.

Jesus, Isa... I can't even, I mean... that almost made me cry.
I can't even really say much right now :omfg: The way you say things, it's just... amazing, how you put things. I really, really felt for Kris. This is a pathetic comment but it's late at night and I'm half asleep but also 'cause I can't leave a comment worthy of this =O I'll be reading the 3rd part. PLEASE TELL IN THE THREAD WHEN IT COMES.

Oh my.

I'm terribly sorry to tell you Isa that this review will most certainly not be worth the wait. I'm sorry for taking so long to read and review this. T_____T

I love how it takes just one moment for Kris to snap - he's been avoiding the reality of the end of the tour, but one moment, one crack in the glass bubble that is the world of AI is all it takes for everything to fall the fuck apart. And that Kris can't begin to face the wrongness of everything, because he and Adam are supposed to be together and it's just wrongwrongwrong of the world to pull them apart and so he won't let it. The emotions are so palpable and it's so easy to understand Kris's feelings.

His hand coils like tree rings around his mike, and suddenly the hand isn’t his anymore, Adam’s taken hold of it in leather-clad fingers, and grasping so tight and it means nothing it means nothing but he hopes that maybe, just maybe, Adam dreads the moment he’d have to let go too.
Ahh fuck I love it. It kind of mirrors the way that Kris has let himself be completely enveloped by everything that is Adam, and maybe Kris has come to rely on that or just be comfortable with that too much, because now being without Adam is practically impossible.

I love how you manage to show Kris and Adam's love for each other without showing it - as the reader I just felt so completely enveloped in it, in every one of Kris's thoughts you can just see how Adam is everything.

And he nearly stumbles as he exhales into Adam’s mouth and takes another breath for keeps, and it’s like breathing in sunlight, breathing in life, if only life smelled of faint cologne and powder spice and warmth.
Ahhh -flail- this is so fucking perfect on every level. I can't even say anything about this. suffice to say i'm fangirl squealing.

Everything with the hummingbird was just fantastic. I'm a sucker for metaphors like that and you just pull it off so well.

And the ending is just barely bittersweet - the hummingbird seems like a symbol of hope, Kris's still living heart and soul without Adam but suddenly that emotional high it put me on is brought down by the thought of opportunities missed, regrets, the inevitable fast approaching end to something amazing.

Holy fuck, Isa, I can't wait to see the ending. I'm betting that I'll cry. T___T

Story/Review Game
Sorry it's an age and a half late.

Like everyone else has said, the way it begins is excellent, the first line could lead to so many different things, and the ambiguity works.

I had a little bit of difficulty figuring out who was talking at the beginning, it didn't seem very clear to me. It continues through the rest of the story as well, when they're speaking. Sometimes, leaving the "__ said" out works, but I get lost in this story a few times.

The way you introduced the characters was nice. It just sort of slid their names in there and you skipped all the descriptions we don't need to know.

The emotions you portray right from the beginning are so real. I found myself emphasizing with these two guys, and it seemed like a scene that could actually be happening.

When Kris talks to Adam about how he feels, the line "For once, he talks" tells so much about the way it's been. I love the little details like this all throughout that add so much backstory without being blatantly obvious about it.

The way the first chapter ends is strikingly bittersweet. The contrast of "I’m your personal grease stain, and you can’t get rid of me that easy." and Kris' reaction/"And he should have said it then." was beautiful. It summed up the chapter while still leaving the next one open.

I loved reading this, and again, sorry it took so long.

I’m in a mood to leave random comments/ tiny reviews to people, knowing you wanted one the other day, I’m going to do my best to give you one. I apologize that it’s not the best. I blame your fantastic writing skills for frazzling my little brain cells.

Now first of all a list of what you did well, instead of saying everything I’ll list the ones which caught my eye :tehe:
Sentence structure. You evidently have an eye for syntax and all that, jolly good show with that alone.
Your dialogue is amazing, you have the little descriptive things about how they talk there, I like that.
Your language choice is perfect, not complicated yet not simple either, making this story just amazing for well anybody.

Isa my dear, your work is a masterpiece, I honestly believe you could go far with material like this.

Now, trying to give you a point to improve on but seriously struggling here, I guess the only thing you could try is expanding on description to improve the imagery and all that jazz.

But all in all a jolly good show.
I thoroughly enjoyed it

I always suck at commenting on people's stories, but I don't even know what to say. Your writing is beyond amazing and I'm literally blown away. There is an unintentional rhyme scheme going on in this comment, haha. Really can't wait for the final part. You're killing me here! Probably one of the best fictions I've ever read... I need a tissue.

Story/Review
This is the first time I've actually done one of these besides just for fun, so if it sucks, I'm sorry.

Chapter 1.
fluorescent sparkles dancing on off-white paint
I really love that description. It really paints the picture; it's literally like a mental image inside my head.

He can’t believe him sometimes, surely he’s too fucking unreal to exist, Adam with the eyeliner and Adam with the cloud-tapping notes and Adam with knowing just what people want from him, just what people need.

I can totally relate to this part, especially the bit about the cloud-tapping notes. It's like I've thought some of the same things about Adam before; I'm sure all of his fans have, but still. It's just so Adam.

I love how you end some of the paragraphs with a dash as if the thought is too painful to continue. It puts a lot of emotion into the story, like I can feel it.

Adam raises his gaze, chipped nail polish a contrast to the undershirt on his lap, and he knows just what this is. Kris doesn’t mean the clothes, or the show, or the room-service life…

Adam crinkles a smile, tired as well but not nearly as sad, or maybe he was just too good at hiding it. “I’ll still see you tomorrow, and the day after that, and…”

“It won’t be the same,” he says quietly; and it’s beginning to hurt, this knowledge sinking in, that he’ll probably miss him more than he’ll ever know, more than he’ll never know.

This part is so sad, but so good at the same time. It's the first time in the story where the reader really understands what is going on, and it's like an epiphany at first, but then we figure out that it's been about that the entire time.

arms crashing around him unlike little laps on the shoreline, like great waves people surf in the summer

expression like paper, flat paper, smudged with color, yes, but unwrinkled and unreadable

Once again, the descriptions and similes are fantastic.

I love the repetition in some of the lines as well.
It adds a very nice touch and feel to the story.

I’m your personal grease stain, and you can’t get rid of me that easy.
It sounds just like something Adam would say!

Chapter 2.
Sorry I didn't say anything until this part, but I was a bit entranced.

Oh, right, make an album, have a career, live like a rock star and be without Adam…

It's just so heartbreaking.

And he nearly stumbles as he exhales into Adam’s mouth and takes another breath for keeps, and it’s like breathing in sunlight, breathing in life, if only life smelled of faint cologne and powder spice and warmth. He closes his eyes, bows slightly and tucks himself into Adam’s neck, cheeks burning like a sunset for something he didn’t do.



It's so...
so...
beautiful!

Kris shakes his head, even if he’s barely heard the question as they’re bathed in hysterical cheers, in fading backdrops and the swiveling hurricanes that are their companions, but they stay like that for a while, crystal figurines in the music box that spins around them.

Jebus, your descriptions are blowing me away here.

Adam balances his sunglasses at the tip of his nose (at night, no less), and grins just as he’s practically pushed into the limo, the door slammed hastily. Tinted glass lowers three seconds after, and the sunglasses and the grin and Adam, limbo personified, are still intact.

“I’m already there.”

You have a perfect grasp on who Adam really is, don't you?
I mean, that's just so him!

I love how each chapter ends with 'And he should have said it then.'
It's just so perfect.

I think the parts in the parentheses actually add to the story. :cute:

Please update soon!

STORY/REVIEW GAME.
I liked the summary; it was short but it offered some insight on what the three-shot may be about. And as you have requested, I am reviewing both chapters :cute:. Oh! I also like the photo at the top of your story layout :tehe:.

CHAPTER ONE.
What I don’t like about the chapter title, is that you don’t capitalize the ‘I’. That’s the only thing that bugs me so far.

As I got to the second paragraph something irked me about it. Maybe it’s the way your portraying? Not much detail, I like detail so that’s probably the issue. The beginning confused me slightly and I wasn’t captivated . . . I don’t think it was a good way to start and open the chapter.

You seem to have run-on sentences, that seems to be what the whole second paragraph was built of. Not here and not now and not with this around him. I don’t like that you used the word ‘and’ two times in a row—it confuses me slightly and I wonder if I read the sentence correctly. Maybe remove the first ‘and’. It’ll look better in my opinion.

I don’t like that you had inserted parentheses, like your adding your own thought into it.

“You need help fixing up?”

Adam says it while simultaneously sitting on the bed and folding a plaid button-down, not waiting for Kris’ approval. He can’t believe him sometimes, surely he’s too fucking unreal to exist, Adam with the eyeliner and Adam with the cloud-tapping notes and Adam with knowing just what people want from him, just what people need. It’s too much, almost, on top of all that talent, he has to be a mind reader too?

I think you could’ve joined those into one paragraph:

“You need help fixing up?” Adam says it while simultaneously sitting on the bed and folding a plaid button-down, not waiting for Kris’ approval. He can’t believe him sometimes, surely he’s too fucking unreal to exist, Adam with the eyeliner and Adam with the cloud-tapping notes and Adam with knowing just what people want from him, just what people need. It’s too much, almost, on top of all that talent, he has to be a mind reader too?

As I got to the bottom, I liked it because everything to flow together well in my opinion :cute:.

CHAPTER TWO.
I really, really, liked the beginning of the chapter. The first sentence, really. It captivated me and pulled me right into the story.

As I read further, I notice you add a song in there . . . it fits well :cute: and it gives setting to the chapter. I liked this chapter better then the last honestly. I guess its because it seems more interesting.

The only thing I think it annoying and ruins the flow throughout both chapters are the parentheses. It disrupts everything and kills the mood you’ve set for each chapter.

Story / Review Game! :cute:

Okay, the first thing I did was check out that video. TOO CUTE FOR WORDS.
Now then.

Chapter Uno.

Oh my Goodness; this is my first Kradam and I'm so, so happy it was your's. I really want to start out by commending you for your beautiful writing style. I know I do this with every single review I write for you, but you know what? You're an amazing, inspiring, and gorgeous writer and I'll keep saying that.

The way that you describe things absolutely blows me away. I love how you can take things that are so ordinary, so simple, and turn them into enormous events in someone's life. It really adds to your stories.
With this chapter, the first thing I was struck by was how short it is. Normally, when chapters are that short the author crams as much as they can into the paragraphs to make them work - but you don't cram at all. Yet, you still manage to convey how much Kris wants, maybe even needs, Adam in his life. Fabulous.

Right, so I do actually have a bit of a Concrit. (SHOCKING.)
Near the beginning when Adam first comes in, and you put the dialog out of sequence with the descriptions - it felt a bit...it felt a bit like you lost the flow there. It was easy enough for you to get it back after that, but for a few moments it felt kind of strained.

Uh - like here: “You need help fixing up?”
Adam says it while simultaneously sitting on the bed and folding a plaid button-down...
It felt a bit forced; kind of out-of-sync with the rest of your dialog, but maybe I'm just...reading too much into it or not paying close enough attention.
I just pointed it out cause I know you like ConCrit. :cute:

It’s beginning to hurt, he thinks, but maybe he likes it better this way. He’s staring at the ceiling, head tipped back as far as his protesting muscles allow it to; it’s a stiff neck waiting to happen, and would he like blurred vision to go with that?
I fucking love your openers. They're so good. They alwaysalwaysALWAYS suck me into your story, and then I'm just drowning in your story. I especially like this one. Its so self-loathingly, pitifully Kris that I just...wow.

I loved the way you portray Adam in this. You do SUCH a great job. Of course, I think anyone would agree that since you probably know more about Adam than anyone in the world you would do a fabulous job with that. :tehe:
I liked your contrast between Kris and Adam as well. That was really cool. Adam's so self-assured and he's so stable. He's the rock in Kris' crashing ocean of a mind. That part up there that I pointed out? The paragraph that follows made me go "awh" because it was just so sweet. I got this perfect visual of Kris curled up in an almost fetal position on a bed, and Adam just sitting on the end folding his shirts for him. Adorable.

Another thing I really enjoyed was how Kris just kept on rambling but Adam just listened. The bits you added in about Kris knew that he could simply ramble because Adam was listening - "awwwwh" yet again. :XD

He tries very hard, and he doesn’t cry doesn’t cry doesn’t cry.
The repetition there was a brilliant move. It really shows how close Kris is to just losing it.

Oh! Another thing I wanted to commend you for! I loved that you made it so that Kris was still married. A lot of people would just make her disappear, but you want this to be realistic, yeah? I love it. I just adds this whole other level to the story - another reason for why Kris and Adam can't be together.
Its delicious.

Okay, these are the little snippets I loved best. :cute:

He settles for his face against Adam’s lapels, layers of skin atop his heartbeat, and he doesn’t cry.

“I actually started a week ago. And it’s taken me that long to put every can of hairspray into its box.” :tehe:

“This won’t be the last time, okay? I’m your personal grease stain, and you can’t get rid of me that easy.” :tehe:

Kris chokes, he’s not certain he can do anything else. His heart swells, sunlight and capillaries and glittery ties, and it’s an emotion he cannot place but knows all too well.


Chapter Two

Oh wow. This one was intense. One of my favorite things about it is that the main focus of it all takes place within a few moments. Its so compelling - I really couldn't pull my eyes away from the screen.

He’s tired, he’s sleepy, he’s excused, that’s what he is, but really, he’s no Adam who can triple-threat at the same time.
Wow. You can definitely feel some jealousy from Kris there. He really wants to be, not Adam, but worthy of Adam. And there, right in the middle of the song, he realizes that he isn't and he doesn't have any time left to try to be. Its heart-breaking. All he wants is to be with Adam and show Adam that he's good enough, but Adam already knows that and just wants Kris, I think.

I dunno how you layer so many aspects of the mind or how you capture human fragility so well. Its breathtaking, really.

and the concern on his face is so frightening it wipes another streak of chords from his memory. Oh Kris - Oh sweetie. He's so far gone for Adam, and I don't think he even fully realizes it.

...all counting on Adam to snap him out of whatever weirdo fundie mode he’s gone into...
I like how you slipped that bit in to show that everyone has noticed how close Adam and Kris have become. Its sweet.
One thing though - fundie?

He breathes, filters sobs through his nostrils, but Adam’s not done, because he smirks, like he was getting paid for every curl of lip or flash of teeth , and maybe it’s appropriate that if the movie Kris calls Life halted on that frame, he wouldn’t have complained.
Jesus Christ you are so good at this. I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to perfectly capture that borderline obsessive-ness a crush gives someone. Kris is obsessed with everything about Adam and really - it should be kind of creepy, and it would read as creepy if anyone else had written it this way. However, you manage to give it that affectionate spin that just makes it so bittersweet. He knows he can't be with Adam because of his wife, but at the same time he can't help how Adam makes him feel.

—because if it’s the last thing Adam wants, it’s what he’s going to get, because he deserves it, deserves everything from the sun and the stars and the miles of heaven in between, and Kris would toil at every diamond mine to find one that matches Adam’s smile, and oh…
That smile, his smile Adam’s smile it’s on right now, Mom turn the TV on or you’ll miss it, that smile around a swear, “and we’ll keep on fighting ‘til the end.

I like the bit about "Mom turn on the TV or you'll miss it". It just re-emphasizes how far gone Kris is, and how naive he is in love. He's a romantic and he just can't help it. Its so sad and so sweet.
Your Kris is fucking adorable. Bottom Line.

He closes his eyes, bows slightly and tucks himself into Adam’s neck, cheeks burning like a sunset for something he didn’t do.
I liked this bit here because it really shows how much Adam means to Kris. Adam's kind of like his safety blanket, ya know? Like, with Adam nearby everything is okay, Kris can stand being who he is. But the thought of having Adam gone kills him.

You've really flipped this on its head - from adorable and with a promise of cute-ness, to bittersweet and kind of...sad.
I fucking love it.

“You honestly think you can keep me away that long?”
ADAM DOES CARE! :crazy:

That shit right there makes me wonder if Adam does feel the same way for Kris. I hope he does - I really do.
And that just shows you how REAL your characters are; I'm genuinely invested in how all this turns out, I really do care about poor Kris' feelings. :XD

He waves, periwinkle eyes set against his charcoal hair set against a new moon sky, and even when the car speeds off his hand’s still stuck out the window, and the hummingbird flutters a reply beside his heart.
Okay - that is the most beautiful sentence I've ever read in my life. I'm not even kidding. That just...gahfuckiit. Its so beautiful.

And he should have said it then.
Now that's the second time you've ended with that - and it really makes me wonder if this isn't exactly going to end happily.
Oh no.

These are Brilliant sweetheart. I loved reading them, and I really CANNOT wait till the third installment comes out.

:arms:

I'm really sorry that this one will be relatively concise (and one chapter). I'm working against the clock. :XD Although if you nag me, I will do a more extensive analysis. Please remind me though, i have a memory of a gnat.

Chapter One.

What I noticed in this was the extensive use of sementic fields, the repetition, Propp's Character Functions (it's a bit complicated to explain so I'd Wiki it. :XD) and the way you told it (third person/past-y/present-y). It's so...what's the word...idiosyncratic. Like, if I was served up with this I'd know it was your work.

The semantic fields I noticed in this chapter was the dichotomy of light and dark, [ "...fluorescent sparkles dancing on off-white paint..." "...with half a shadowed face. "] (This showed the ambigious emotional dilemia with Kris about Adam.), sight and eyes, ["...staring ...", "...blurred vision..."etc] (This shows the emphasis of the whole 'love at first sight prospective. Also, since much love stuff is to do with sight and seeing and all that jazz. Really hits it home that this can only end in a romantic way: either good or bad) and the sup-humanisation of Adam (is that even a word? gahhh. I mean for making him ABOVE humanity) ["...he’s too fucking unreal to exist." , "Adam with the armor wings" etc]. (This shows that there is a strong romantic love going on here, perhaps bordering on infatuation. Kris is holding Adam high (too high, perhaps? This relationship could go badly wrong if in someway this 'height' of Adam was to somewhat diminish due to some reality checks by Kris. But I'm just Psychoanalysing them now. :XD Wrong sort of analysis.) so he seems other-worldly, a guardian angel. On a more grounded basis, there is a strong dependency on Adam by Kris.)

The repetition equaled love. It's a motif you use a lot in your writing and I think it suits you really well. The way that the emphasis lies aids with the style of the story. The third person with the focaliser of Kris works well with the story. Also, you have a good, not OTT use of free indirect speech. It sometimes feels like...Kris is speaking in third person. :XD I like that. It feels nice. And I think it really works well in this story: first person would be too involving to the psyche and third person omnipresent would be too cold. Nice balance!

You also use Propp's character functions. :omfg: I see Adam as the Princess (shush, this is literary criticism here so bah with the gender confusion) and Kris as the Hero. They Hero has been given a quest in order to win over the heart of the Princess. I'm starting to analyse the whole premise of the show now. Simon Cowell et al must be the dispatchers as they send Kris on this quest of American Idol. I'm over-analysing this but hey, it's fun.

So, I enjoyed it yes. It's so complex your writing. It's never dull moment in Isa's head.

[/epic fail in reviewing]

Yo yo yo, I iz back again. :weird

I loved how you started out with 'he' instead of saying Kris. The reader already knows it's Kris you're talking about due to the previous chapter, but when you use the pronoun with 'Adam' it makes Adam seem all the more special, cause he has a name and all. I'm not sure if this is what you were going for, but the effect works well.

I also adore your little snippets of almost thought, in brackets. (he wouldn’t have been able to tell if there was a noose around his neck like some real-life Hangman). It makes it fast flowing and hectic, like Kris' mind doesn't know which way to turn. This statement itself confused me a bit though and I got lost - I just wrote out a long ass reason of why the 'if' should be a 'that; but then I read it over and got it, so, nevermind. :XD And again, he's comparing himself to Adam, and he can't seem to get him out of his head.

I like the use of the phrase stage left. It's like, you put all these details in to make us believe he's a contestant that's been there for weeks and is practised with terminology etc. And also, the thing about Adam not being athletic in high school made me laugh. It's backstory, love it, and also it's like he's Super-Adam.

His hand coils like tree rings around his mike love the imagery here but I'm unfamiliar with the microphone being shortened to 'mike'. I've always seen it written as 'mic' and assumed that's the correct way, but then again it's not actually a proper word so I could be wrong. The whole sentence/paragraph this belongs to is a bit of a run-on, too, and although I understand that the sentences you write like this reflect Kris' state of mind, this could probably do with a semi-colon or a hypen somewhere along the line. However, the sentiments in it are raw and desperate and I especially love this it means nothing it means nothingthat you put in and it works so well. Ugh. Jealousy. :x :tehe:

Adam isn’t holding the mike to his mouth, has it at level with his stomach, and the concern on his face is so frightening it wipes another streak of chords from his memory. I like this. It just hints at the fact that Adam is what's causing this lack of sleep and worry that Kris is experienceing, leading to distractions on stage and messing up his words.

And then comes the part where I feel like an idiot, because there is nearly always an underlying element to your stories, Isa, which I'm too stupid to figure out. For instance, I think it's so sad and touching that Kris won't finish the song, but it’s understood that he heard the won’t, why it wasn’t can’t almost instantly kind of lost me a bit. It's probably just me and because it's early in the morning here... well, 10am, but still. What I do get from the 'won't' is that Kris doesn't want the tour to finish so he won't finish the song, but the thing about why it wasn't 'can't' threw me; clearly there's some understanding between Kris and Adam I'm just not getting. Just... sorry for rambling, I'm just trying to slip in my train of thoughts cause I guess that's what you want from a review, and some negatives because I feel guilty when I kiss your ass. :hand: :tehe:

And it's like his life after Idol doesn't even matter because he won't be without Adam, and . I love all the little inside info you slip in, like the unpainted fingernail and the thing about working on Sundays [I take it Kris is a Christian, yes?]; I don't know much about Kris or Adam but it's nice to have the little details that bring the piece to life.

“It’s over, yeah,” Adam’s voice has gone soft, maybe so the static won’t pick it up, and maybe it’s his agreement that melts Kris’ sneakers and freezes him to the spot.I like the use of the word 'maybe', 'cause it's like Kris can only guess at what Adam's thinking because he's just so wondrous and complex, and also the juxtaposition of melting and freexing is great imagery. To me, it really reflects this conflict Kris is having.

happysad happysad can’t he take both, going once, twice, sold to the guy in snakeskin boots…? :cheese: i take it snakeskin boot guy is Adam? [sorry you get a reviewer who's totally clueless about American Idol :lmfao] I can't even analyse this line, it's so ingenious. :hand:

And then the next five words of dialogue, set out on their own for effect, they just turn it round and stop it being sappy [good thing] and it shows this character of Adam you've been hinting at forever, the daring beautiful amazing confident one. And the fact that he can get Kris to sing again, and then the bit that says deserves everything from the sun and the stars and the miles of heaven in between, and Kris would toil at every diamond mine to find one that matches Adam’s smile, and oh… it's just so emotional and I just want them to get together already, damnit. :x :tehe:

I love how you described the hug. Cause hugs can say alot about two people and here it's so evident that Kris just wants Adam so much, the line their lips several kisses apart was beautiful. Like Kris can almost see it happening, he wants it so badly. And then I love how you didn't actually say this but the fact that Kris steals bravado from the darkness and exhales into Adam's mouth just somehow suggests to me that they kissed, even if it was just like an accidental peck... even if they didn't. But then if they did Adam doesn't acknowledge it and Kris is hiding from him - an almost-kiss, then?

“That’s because it’s not.” But Kris isn’t so sure since they are separated right after that.This line's so poignant 'cause Adam knows Kris well enough to know how he's feeling and yet it's the opposite way for Kris, it contradicts with what I said before about Kris being unable to decipher Adam's wonders. And then Adam's reassuring Kris but then you get this line which is so blunt and contradicts what Adam was saying, and it's Kris' worst fear and they're not together anymore.

Normally I wouldn't like the way the story cuts scenes with no break and hardly an explanation but here it fits, because everything's so hectic anyway it just ties in with what the story is all about. and—oh god, that really shouldn’t have happened, what if what if, what if someone caught it on camera, what if Katy saw? Again, the train of thought thing, you do it so well, and I'm throwing a wild guess at the fact that Katy is Kris' wife/girlfreind but I like how you didn't say that outright and assumed the reader would know. It's stuff like not treating the reader like an idiot that sets great writers apart from good writers... though I kind of have been an idiot when it came to this story so far. :lmfao

glittery duffel bag - random I know but that actually made me laugh really hard. :XD

I love the hummingbird and tendrils of his heart imagery, there's something so alive and raw and brutal about this goodbye and you can really feel it.

And he should have said it then. This repetition of the last line is really unique, really touching, and I'm longing to see if Kris will have said it by the last installment.

Really, really well done, my love. You never cease to astound me, and quite frankly I'm nervous and ashamed because now you're gonna review my shitty story. :lmfao

:arms:

Story / Review Game. :shifty

I don't think this'll compare to Nat's or Tom Fletcher.'s in the least, but anyway. Here goes. :tehe:

The way you've started this... it's great. There's no screwing around, it's just getting straight to the situation. And it's brilliant.

"...and suddenly Adam’s there, arms crashing around him unlike little laps on the shoreline, like great waves people surf in the summer..." Gah. That imagery is just so breathtaking, it's killing me here. I've never actually seen hugs compared to waves, and now I think it works so well. But maybe that's just because you're writing it and you make it amazing.

It's so... touching, I suppose, the way they seem kind of... unworried about the other winning or losing. Well, they do, but it's not like... jealousy or resentment. It's a different kind of worry, I suppose, which isn't often puleld off well in fics. You pulled it off perfectly.

"“By the way…” Adam holds out a pair of jeans in front of him to even out the creases. “This won’t be the last time, okay? I’m your personal grease stain, and you can’t get rid of me that easy.”" I love that line. It's so smart-assed, but it sounds so adorable in the context. It's another brilliant comparison fo sorts; I think you're brilliant at them.

"Kris shakes his head, affirms the realization, and Adam’s expression in front of him breaks a little bit more and no, oh God no, he won’t end this for all the trophies in history." Eee. It's so vivid, the descriptions, and... gah. The way you've portrayed Kris' thoughs is just so amazingly believable and fantastic, it's sending shivers. :tehe:

"“It’s over, yeah,” Adam’s voice has gone soft, maybe so the static won’t pick it up, and maybe it’s his agreement that melts Kris’ sneakers and freezes him to the spot." Aaaaah. I love the little extra detail you put in, and the sneaker part of this is no exception. It gives so much more emotion and everything, and it just has so much more than "he froze." It's so amazing what a couple of extra words can do, and it seems that you've discovered that.

"Ghosts shimmer over his skin, every flicker of hair standing to attention, paying respects to every legend whose voices have sung the same damn song, once before, forevers ago, and it shatters full-circle now, and this is it, this is it, they’re alive in the same damn clockstrike, they could be heroes…" Again with the description! You do this so well, Isa. So many people try to put in heavy descriptions and create brilliant imagery, but it just comes off wrong. You know how to do it, you can do it, and you do it so amazingly well it gives me the heebie-jeebies. :twitch:

"...and suddenly people are saving their numbers in his phone and hugging him goodbye, and to all those promises to 'keep in touch' he says 'yes' even if he’s not certain he will." This just shows how much he's going trhough, right here. It's kind of reminiscent of a drunken blur, and with the way you've prtrayed Kris and Adam's relationship, it works brilliantly.

"Adam balances his sunglasses at the tip of his nose (at night, no less), and grins just as he’s practically pushed into the limo, the door slammed hastily. Tinted glass lowers three seconds after, and the sunglasses and the grin and Adam, limbo personified, are still intact." Gahhh. He's such a typical rockstar, it's awesome. I love it. :tehe:

I love how you've ended both the chapters too, and not really let on what hasn't been said. It leaves space for a lot of theories and thoughts, maybes. It's a cliffhanger of the best kind, and it's awesome.

This is amazing, Isa, really. I'd need a thesaurus and a really long word to compliment it. :arms:

Note: I've been reviewing this on/off for about a week, whenever I decided to take a break from revision I'd come and do a few paragraphs. And I couldn't sleep last night so I did a massive chunk then. So that's how I managed to review. :XD I've basically just reviewed this between breaks from revision. :tehe:

---

I always get intimidated when I come to review something that's already had a load of really good, long reviews and I always worry that mine aren't going to be as good. But I'll give it a shot anyway. I'll review both parts in one go since I'm mega slow and need to speed up with leaving feedback on time. :tehe:

One.
The opening was really effective. It’s beginning to hurt, he thinks, but maybe he likes it better this way. I love how it's in present tense, rather than past. It makes it seem like it's happening right now and I love it when this happens in stories because I like the way it makes the story flow. I love reading stories in present tense but they're generally not written well. So it's refreshing to read this. You've got such a talent!

I adored this description. fluorescent sparkles dancing on off-white paint It's quite abstract and I think that's what I like so much about it. I really like imagery that's a little different, imagery that's different to the norm. I think that's one of the reasons that I love your writing so much, I never quite know what to expect when it comes to descriptions and storylines and I really adore that in a story.

I like the ominousness about this. the earth has to turn and the dream is over… of course, in reality it’s only just begun, but reality also means that he’ll have to be without— I'm sorry to quote so much, but I wasn't sure what to take out. I like the fact that the dream was "over" because Kris thinks he'll be without Adam and it's like Adam is his dream. I also think that it's significant that Adam interrupts Kris's train of thought, it's like he's never really gone. It's almost like Adam can see into his mind, and knows that he's thinking about him leaving, so he comes in. I don't know if I worded that right, it made sense in my head. :think:

This worked well in a paragraph of its own. He tries very hard not to cry. I love sentences on their own, it really brings attention to them and I think this was the aim of it. Kris wants to be strong in front of Adam, he doesn't want to break down. And it really makes me feel for him, it's almost like he's hiding his real persona behind a smile because he doesn't want Adam to know he's upset. He wants Adam to think he's happy and it makes me feel so sad just by reading it.

And again, I think this just reiterates my previous point. he’s too busy wiping at his face with his palm, hoping to pass it all off as exhaustion. I think this says a lot about Kris. He's hurting a lot and I think he's angry at himself, more than anything because he wants to be happy because he won, but he can't be. And its like he's telling himself he needs to be happy because he got the title, but I think that everything has overwhelmed him and the news hasn't quite sunk in, yet. I think that in some respect, he wants it to all be a dream, and he'll wake up and the final hasn't happened.

I love this bit. Adam with the eyeliner and Adam with the cloud-tapping notes and Adam with knowing just what people want from him. It makes Adam seem completely amazing and I think that Kris feels a little bit inadequate next to him. Kris views Adam as a completely perfect person and I think he suffers with low self-esteem because of the way he describes things. I think he sees things as worse than they are, sometimes.

It was good that Kris told Adam how he felt. “I don’t want to leave this behind.” I don't think either of them do, to be honest. I think they'd be quite happy to stay as they are, on AI every week, performing all these songs to the best of their ability. And aside from that, Kris knows that he'll miss Adam, and that's the main reason. He's grown accustomed to him and doesn't want to see him go.

And Adam sees this straight away. he knows just what this is. Kris doesn’t mean the clothes, or the show, or the room-service life. I adore the way you've written Adam, I'm kind of in awe of him. I think Kris wears his feelings on his face, and Adam can read them exactly. And he can see what's beneath the surface, the thing that Kris is hiding. I like how you've written Adam as being an all-knowing person, it really adds to the story.

I really want to quote the whole paragraph here, but just for reference I'll quote a tiny bit. suddenly Adam’s there, arms crashing around him I think this is pretty significant. It's like Adam is the ocean, and Kris is a tiny wave in comparison. The description nearly brought a tear to my eye (yeah, I know I'm a sap) and I don't quite know why. It worked really well, I know that much. I adore the way you have with words.

Sorry to quote so much again. :twitch: dam looks at him very carefully, expression like paper, flat paper, smudged with color, yes, but unwrinkled and unreadable. I really loved the way you described Adam here. I like this because he's made to be an opposite of Kris. Whereas Kris wears his expressions on his face for all to see, Adam is completely unreadable and can hide behind an expression very easily. I love it when characters are made to be opposites and I love how subtley you've done this.

Okay, I admit I did cry a little when I read this. Adam chuckles, as if it was funny, as if this was some press interview and he has to keep up appearances, and it’s probably the saddest thing Kris has ever seen. It's almost like Adam is rehearsing what he's going to say to the press, in some aspects, and I don't quite think that Kris knows how to react to this. I mean, what can he say? The whole situation is really awkward (that's a compliment by the way, I'm trying to say you portrayed a situation as being awkward really well :tehe:) and I think the pair of them are a little uncertain as to what they should do.

I like how there was humour added. it’s taken me that long to put every can of hairspray into its box. It gives the reader a little bit of light relief, rather than reading something that's constantly doom and gloom - if that makes sense? It makes the story seem a lot more lifelike, also, and I think that's one of the reasons why I enjoy reading this so much.

My heart melted a little here. I’m your personal grease stain, and you can’t get rid of me that easy. I think that was the perfect thing to say in the situation that they were in. I have a feeling that Adam always knows what to say to make things feel better, and it was sweet that he'd say that to Kris. It's almost like a reassurance, a reassurance that things will be okay and they'll still get to see one another.

Great way to end it, too! And he should have said it then. Cliffhanger much? It also seems a little angsty, which is good cause I love a good bit of angst :tehe: You've made it seem like there's a constant battle of wills inside him. He wants to say, but he doesn't because he's scared of the consequences.

Brilliant first part. And now onto the second part!

Two.
I think the opening paragraph is really significant, in particular. He’s tired, he’s sleepy, he’s excused, that’s what he is, but really, he’s no Adam who can triple-threat at the same time. He can't stop comparing himself to Adam...he sees a fault of his, and immediately compares himself to Adam, questioning what Adam would do in the situation and telling himself that Adam would manage perfectly if he was in his situation. It's quite sad really, it's like he can't live his life and he's in the shadow of Adam. And that's quite symbolic because really it should be the other way round - since Kris was the one who came first and Adam was the one that came second. But Kris seems to think that he'll always be in Adam's shadow. It makes me sad.

I loved this! he wanted to share the pimp spot with the other winner It shows that Kris worries about winning the title and I think that in some respects he feels bad and I can't help thinking whether he would have preferred the winner to be Adam. I really liked what it was called - the pimp spot - I don't know why but the description blew me away. I thought it described it perfectly.

This was sad and it really makes me feel bad for Kris. His hand coils like tree rings around his mike, and suddenly the hand isn’t his anymore. He is desperately trying to keep things together, wanting to show the crowd that he's happy and there's nothing wrong, but in reality, they aren't really. He should be happy - he's playing the final night of the tour and spirits should be high, but I think that he's secretly having a little bit of trouble coping with things, and he doesn't want to let on.

The worry is very apparent here. Kris shudders, bows his head and doesn’t know what’s going on. I guess he's scared for the future more than anything, knowing that what's about to happen will not involve Adam and I think this scares him more than anything else. I think the worry has gotten so big that he's confused himself and sometimes doesn't know what he's going to do with himself. And this is one of those moments.

And this whole "hidden feelings" thing is driving Kris mental. Adam’s expression in front of him breaks a little bit more. I think that if he could have, he would have said there and then on the stage, because he can't bear to see Adam sad. I get the feeling that Adam masks his feelings a lot, and its not often that he wears his expression on his face for all to see in this story, and Kris wants to take the opportunity to spill. But he doesn't, because its not the right time.

It's sad how Kris has no enthusiasm in the slightest. Oh, right, make an album, have a career, live like a rock star and be without Adam… It's almost as if he views a life without Adam as no life at all. He's grown dependant on Adam over the past few months, and now that he's facing a prospect of being apart from him for a long period of time, he can't quite deal. And he can't focus on the good things, he only sees the bad. And he views the good things as tainted, because he'll be without Adam.

This line was very significant. they’re all counting on Adam to snap him out of whatever weirdo fundie mode he’s gone into They're not relying on Kris to snap out of the mood and continue. They're relying on Adam, the guy who supposedly came second to him. It should theoretically be the other way around, but it's not. Everybody views Adam as the stronger one, the one that holds everything together. And Kris knows this. I think he views himself as forever being in Adam's shadow, its like he feels he can't form a career without being compared to Adam in some form or another.

Its sad how Kris can't decide anything, his head is a bit of a mess right now. Kris doesn’t know if he’s expected to be happy or sad or happysad happysad. May I take this opportunity to say that I think you've written Kris beautifully. You've written him in a way that the reader just can't help but feel sorry for him and he's somebody I can really assosiate with. And the fact that he can't decide how to feel is just so sad. His head's in a bit of a mess and he can't work things out very well.

And all he can really think of is Adam's smile, he wants to keep it in his head for all eternity because to Kris, if he can remember the smile then it's almost as good as the real thing. That smile, his smile Adam’s smile it’s on right now. He can't think of much else - I know this is mentioned in the part quite a few times and no matter what he does, its always there - even if its just in his subconscious.

I thought the song choice - We Are The Champions - was very apt. I'm not a follower of American Idol so I don't know if Kris and Adam have ever sung it together before or anything, but I thought it was such a clever move to have them sing that. Like, it's pretty apt that the pair of them are singing it, because they're both champions. Kris is the champion as in he won the show. And Adam is the champion because he stole the show and outshone everybody else.

Kris is in awe of Adam. Kris is amazed, he really is, how does he do that? (I emphasised the bit just then because it was in italics in the story) The question is a rhetorical one, in my opinion, because I don't think that Kris has an answer for it. He doesn't know how to answer it and he's just in awe of Adam and the complete control he has over it all.

This brought a tear to my eye. Why am I so bloody emotional?! Ghosts shimmer over his skin, every flicker of hair standing to attention, paying respects to every legend whose voices have sung the same damn song Sorry for quoting so much. I loved this description, it's like everybody who has ever sung the song is in the room with them, witnessing this moment between the pair of them. This moment that neither of them truly understand.

I adored the subtlety of this comment and tension that's felt between them for a split second. he pulls back their faces collide a little too close, their lips several kisses apart, and Kris shivers when they barely touch. I like how you touch on the subject but it doesn't happen yet. I think that was a smart thing to do. I like the whole tension felt between them, and the fact that Kris shivers. He wants this, more than anything. I think he'd give anything for this. He's become desperate, in a way.

And god, the tension in this! It's actually driving me a little crazy! :twitch: He closes his eyes, bows slightly and tucks himself into Adam’s neck, cheeks burning like a sunset for something he didn’t do. He wishes he'd edged their faces just that little bit closer, he aches to be closer to Kris than he already is. And the fact he "tucks himself into Adam's neck" implies that they fit together perfectly, like two pieces of a jigsaw.

And then he's just completely drained. He’s been walking dizzy-tired during the aftermath. It shows that he's just completely broken down about the situation and he can't bear the fact that he'll be leaving Adam behind. He wants more time, he doesn't want to say his goodbyes and in the rest of the paragraph he's just communicating with faceless people. He's not thinking straight and he can't comprehend anything. He doesn't know who he's talking to and he doesn't know quite what he's doing.

He can't seem to form his words too well, either, and he doesn't get to say the goodbye he wants to Adam. “I-I guess I’ll see you soon?” He’s having a hard time thinking of something that could have been lamer than that. Pathetic, cliché, contrite, stupid, ah, fuck— It's like an internal struggle inside his mind. He wants to do something more but he just can't. His head is all over the place and not a lot of things are making sense right now. I can sense the awkwardness of the situation so much.

Adored the ending and I loved how it was keeping in with the theme of the last part. I really like how they were both the same and it really adds to the suspense and it's made me really impatient for the last part! So many things can happen, you've got so many possibilities. But I have no doubt that however you'll end it, you'll do it amazingly. I can't wait for the last bit! This is brilliant! :arms:

Y'know, I actually read this, twice actually, a while ago. And I couldn't think of a comment. And I read it again and I still can't think of a comment.

To be completely fucking honest, I found this chapter hard to read compared to the first. Not necessarily in a bad way. There's just so much going on yet so very little and Kris is just feeling so much and thinking too much. And y'know. It's Kris. His pain, my pain. And this is just a story. But it feels like it's going to happen.

Your writing... God, just the way you write. Just watching the words spill from fingers. Just reading the words and how they all fit is reason enough to read this.

I cannot wait for the next chapter and I'll be refreshing the My Subscriptions page frequently.

Just so you know. :cute:

I COMMENTED BUT THEN MIBBA ATE IT. :x :x :x

*tries to recall post*

Isa, I am so danged cut up that you aren't into Cookleta, because, honestly, if you wrote Cookletas, I am certain they would make me cry. ARCHIE AND COOK BELONG TOGETHER, FFS.

I love the parts where Kris was trying not to cry, because that's exactly what he seems to be like -- endlessly reserved. One of those 'cannot and will not display their emotions' kind of guys, and Adam is just the opposite, but not really, since you're not sure what he's really feeling, if he's just acting. If that made any sense.

The guilt about being a Christian and his wife, ooh. I would've liked it if you'd pushed that further, esp the wife issue, but maybe that's just me being a drama queen. As if there wasn't already enough drama in the story. :XD

There was this line, wait, lemme go back and find it. Here:
...and Kris would toil at every diamond mine to find one that matches Adam’s smile

Most other stories, most other writers, that line would have sounded so painfully corny that it would've put me off the story, at least a little bit. But I think it was the way you worded it, or maybe the circumstance, because it just worked. I think probably it was the whole thoughts-flying-through-his-head thing. Which was done very well, I might add.

Another thing I like is how Kris just completely caved when he realised Adam wanted the song done well. He refused to sing at first, and it was stupid and childish and silly, but he snapped out of it, purely because Adam wanted him to. And it's interesting, because I'd kind of like to see how far Adam could push Kris until. How much Kris would do for Adam. I mean, he just changed his mind in a heartbeat, Adam must have some serious control over him.

Yeah, I think that's all. More than before, actually. :tehe:

If I begged you long and hard enough, could you please maybe possibly write onnnne Cookleta? Just one? Pleeeaaase?

Awww lovers it! For some reason I never thought about kradam when the season was going on. Haha I like just now became aware of it. Update soon :)

This is really good.

For some reason, I thought they were having sex at the start. My bad.

Your descriptions were amazing and it was as if you weren't describing them while you did? Hope that makes sense.

Sorry I'm so crappe at feedback.

I really enjoyed this, but for some reason the layout hurt my eyes. Dunno why. It just did, maybe my eyes are broken?

Great job!