Apologies for this being stupidly late. I'm just lazy when it comes to reviews, but I'm here and ready to get this done for you.
You chose another of my favourite Fall Out Boy songs, I mean no one chose one I hated, so I was happy about that. I do love this song though, so I had a feeling that this oneshot would be a good one.
and the man breathed in the dirty, lively vibe that the never resting scene below brought. I adore that description, it's simple, yet it's really effective and it really added to the impact of that first paragraph. It left a lot to the imagination, and so I wanted to know why this man was standing on the edge of a rooftop.
I liked how he was all set to jump from the roof. How he was ready for it, his life had driven him towards this, the edge of all edges. It seemed to be the easy way out for him, to just give up, and I was so interested in his character, I wanted to know why he was about to throw his life away and give up. I like it in stories when things are left to the imagination, it spurrs you on to read more, or make up conclusions in your head about the possibilites of what could have happened.
He wanted this to be impulsive, no doubts, no second thoughts. That voice is the only thing holding him back, and the voice is giving him second thoughts. I think left to his own devices, Pete would have just gone straight for it and jumped from the roof, but just as he's ready to, this voice is talking to him and it's making him back track. The younger one's techniques to get him away from the edge of the roof was really clever, I liked how you wrote that.
The interaction between the pair of them is really beautiful. The way you've written their love and adoration for each other is all very genuine, it lightens the mood. It's like you're not wanting Pete to jump, and this younger man is stopping him from doing so, by saying all of these really beautiful declarations of his love for him. It's like a distraction to coax him away from the roof for long enough to weaken him and get him away from such a dangerous height.
The ending was strange, but I really liked it. It was a good kind of strange. It left a lot of mystery about the younger boy. Like, we don't know who he is, his name or any vital facts like that. It has left a lot to the imagination, but I like how we're left to paint the ending for ourselves. I found it sweet that he managed to stop Pete from jumping from the roof, and they both confessed their love for one another. It's hopeful in the sense that they will meet again at some point.
I loved how beautiful this was, and how it was linked in with specific lyrics from the song and not necessarily the whole thing. It's really nicely written and you have a talent for writing descriptions that are simple, yet still manage to effect the reader. Really well done with this.
August 1st, 2009 at 05:16pm
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You chose another of my favourite Fall Out Boy songs, I mean no one chose one I hated, so I was happy about that. I do love this song though, so I had a feeling that this oneshot would be a good one.
and the man breathed in the dirty, lively vibe that the never resting scene below brought. I adore that description, it's simple, yet it's really effective and it really added to the impact of that first paragraph. It left a lot to the imagination, and so I wanted to know why this man was standing on the edge of a rooftop.
I liked how he was all set to jump from the roof. How he was ready for it, his life had driven him towards this, the edge of all edges. It seemed to be the easy way out for him, to just give up, and I was so interested in his character, I wanted to know why he was about to throw his life away and give up. I like it in stories when things are left to the imagination, it spurrs you on to read more, or make up conclusions in your head about the possibilites of what could have happened.
He wanted this to be impulsive, no doubts, no second thoughts. That voice is the only thing holding him back, and the voice is giving him second thoughts. I think left to his own devices, Pete would have just gone straight for it and jumped from the roof, but just as he's ready to, this voice is talking to him and it's making him back track. The younger one's techniques to get him away from the edge of the roof was really clever, I liked how you wrote that.
The interaction between the pair of them is really beautiful. The way you've written their love and adoration for each other is all very genuine, it lightens the mood. It's like you're not wanting Pete to jump, and this younger man is stopping him from doing so, by saying all of these really beautiful declarations of his love for him. It's like a distraction to coax him away from the roof for long enough to weaken him and get him away from such a dangerous height.
The ending was strange, but I really liked it. It was a good kind of strange. It left a lot of mystery about the younger boy. Like, we don't know who he is, his name or any vital facts like that. It has left a lot to the imagination, but I like how we're left to paint the ending for ourselves. I found it sweet that he managed to stop Pete from jumping from the roof, and they both confessed their love for one another. It's hopeful in the sense that they will meet again at some point.
I loved how beautiful this was, and how it was linked in with specific lyrics from the song and not necessarily the whole thing. It's really nicely written and you have a talent for writing descriptions that are simple, yet still manage to effect the reader. Really well done with this.