Connected - Comments

Scarlet painted her cheeks and ears as she contemplated were she had gone wrong.

Loved that line!

Yeah, agree with the first comment, it just makes it a bit easier to read. Also, a tad longer would have been cool :)

This is a really interesting couple! One, i admit, i'd never even thought of before. You really did it justice :)

Okay so before I get into this, I just want to say, that I loved the whole concept of the “red bond” thing and then how you incorporated it into a little scene between Ron and Cho. It was very cute

Now there is one thing I wanted to say that kind of annoyed me while I was reading the entire thing; You should really start a new paragraph when you start putting dialogue into it. For example, you had:

“Um...” she stuttered peered towards me. I stared back with a questioning look, “You wouldn’t mind accompanying me, would you?” she took a quick look back and then away. “Sure” I smiled.

It would have made it much easier to read if you had done this;

“Um...” she stuttered peered towards me. I stared back with a questioning look. “You wouldn’t mind accompanying me, would you?” She took a quick look back and then away.

“Sure” I smiled.

It’s not really that big of a deal but I just thought I’d point that out there : )

Other than that there were no spelling errors that were noticeable while reading, and I liked your use of words.

Anywho - good luck on the contest. This was a really good idea :cute: