I Am Nothing Without You - Comments

wow! oh my god....I seriously love the history of Alexander and Hephaestion
it's such a moving one shot and yes I to cried a little :'(
Iam yet to see the film though, but Ive seen some clips of the training everyone had to go through
I love this one shot soooooo much!! <3 keep writing!! more alexanderXhephaestion please?
Jay x

At first, I was reluctant to the narration. The descriptions and metaphors seemed a little cliche and melodramatic. I did, however, rather enjoy the sun/moon metaphor carried throughout the story.

The flashback was the most lackluster part of the story. I felt you got carried away with the romanticism and poetics. I would have much preferred to see a natural and relaxed interaction between the two, to contrast the situation they currently face.

I thought that after the death of Hephaestion, you finally found your voice, beginning with "it is only this living earth that separates the moon, Hephaestion, from the sun, Alexander."

The final scene is the strongest, and I particularly refer to the light in his room as Hephaestion. The last line is the most powerful in the story and definitely leaves me satisfied!

I hope this helps :cute:

Due to the title, I put 'It means nothing' on my iTunes as I read. That song means a lot to me, so I'm a bit emotional. Haha.

Okay. Hmm. When I first read the beginning paragraphs, I thought that you were just finding your voice. It was fluctuating, a bit unsure of itself--it wasn't a definite style yet. Kind of like you were still experimenting, trying out other things you've seen from books. Some of the description was a little cliche, but it flowed well and it was minimal, and I can see you tried somehow to make it your own. You even sprinkled a few metaphors here and there [like the 'waves wavering in strength' or something like that part]

Anyway, when I got to the flashback part, and they started making speeches, I immediately thought "TWILIGHT 0_0." it was so reminiscent of "You are my life now, Bella... before you my life was like a dark night... etc." Or almost like a Greek, bromancy version of Romeo and Juliet. Perhaps it was the characters and the way they spoke, but something about it seemed very trite--like you tried to make it seem romantic and got a bit carried away. I've seen the way you RP'ed in the thread and for some reason that seemed a bit more natural.

What I found a bit contradictory, was before, Alex was accepting of Heph(man:tehe:)'s fate... then suddenly he's like 'don't leave me' etc etc. It just seemed like a total 180, and a king, no matter how in love he is, would have more conviction than that. It just seemed like more drama put in, and you kind of just made them like women. If their names weren't mentioned I'd have thought this was femmeslash, because that's how you wrote them as. I appreciate the romance, but a little more sternness, a little subtlety, a little Y chromosome would have made it more natural and believable. Alex, while Heph was fading, could have clutched his hand and closed his eyes, crying quietly, whispering "goodbye" or something. So much more emotions in a simple scene--less is more, when it comes to spoken words here. And also to add to the feel of them STILL being men, even if they're poetic and devoted. You know what `I mean?

I like the eclipse part, as a metaphor, but it was a little too cliche too, for it to be like "oh look, sky, a coincidence."

The last line was the most natural dialogue in the entirety of the fic.

So yeah. That's my take on it. Hope you don't take the con-crit offensively. There is potential in there, but also room for improvement ;)

One shot for one shot game

This is the first historical fiction I've read on Mibba, and I really enjoyed it.

And, just like the moon and the sun, though I know I will never be able to be your equal, a king, I will chase you around the world. Wherever you go, I go too, Alexander.
I'm a sucker for moon/sun/sky business (I don't know the right word, sorry :XD). And the part where he says he'll chase him around the world is really touching. It could have been really sappy and corny, but you didn't write it that way, so well done for that. (:

Alexander watched him in horror, and he immediately pulled the dying soldier in his arms, mumbling an excerpt from The Iliad - their favorite.
:cheese: It's little things like that that really make stories stories, if you get what I mean. ;) And I like how you didn't go over-the-top with it, either. It was just there, you didn't shove it in my face or anything.

And their relationship was really beautiful. You could tell they really loved each other.

That was beautiful. You're an amazing writer! My Hephaestion. :cheese:

I love this. I love you. :arms:

Thank you for the ded! :arms: xx

I am not shedding a tear right now.
Nope, nope. Not doing it. Nope.

*cries in a corner*

But really, bby, that was so amazingly well written, with all of the subtle emotional outpouring,
not to mention the fact that no one will ever look at loving someone the same way again, as you captured what is the definition of love that we seem to be forgetful of.
I applaud you and am just completely humbled by your ability to write.
Sweetly simple and simply sweet.
I loved it so much, bby.