Rumours - Comments

No more hiatus. Please. I need this story! <3

You should definitely take this off the hiatus and update, ! (:

This is a great story, I love it.
I would also love if you updated again soon! (:

I figured I'd come leave feedback for this today. I bookmark stories in the order that they're posted to leave reviews, but the two people I owe feedback for don't have computer access right now so I thought I'd leave you a review instead. XD Sorry it took me a while for me to leave this. I do know that I epically fail at leaving feedback on time. D:

I like the attention that you give to the small details. Like, you explain why the canteen is full, rather than just saying that the canteen is full and being done with it. It shows off your ability as a writer and it shows that you're not just writing it for the sake of it. Also, I like the fact that the canteen was full because in a way it's like you can't really get any privacy in there.

But Cass still manages it. Fortunately for Cassandra Simpson, she was seated at a round table in the corner of the canteen. I get the impression that she doesn't want people's attention and there's a lot going through her mind right now. She's worrying about Ashton and can't understand why she's been acting that way. And I like how she's contrasted with Alex and Rian, who are both shovelling food down their throats whilst she's not touching hers. It emphasises the fact that she isn't eating and it was then that I knew something was wrong.

It was sweet how Alex is just trying to keep everything together. Ashton's just being her stupid self, you know how she is. She'll come back when Audrey's fucked her over. He seems to focus on the positives in his life, rather than looking at the bad stuff. He wants to try and stop Cass from worrying, which is really sweet of him. He knows that her and Ashton are really good friends and can't stand to see Cass like this because it's out of character for her. He wants to try and keep her feeling positive but at the same time it may have been a little harsh to say because it gives the impression that he thinks that Cass is only good enough when there's nobody else (if that makes sense?)

I think it was good how they've picked up on the fact that she's changed (and I don't mean since she started hanging round with Audrey, I think they've noticed it for a while). "I do, but - " he faltered, before taking a deep breath, "she's changed." At the same time though, they seem wary about talking about it with one another. They all have their views but they're worried that the others could look down on them or disagree, what with the fact that Ashton is friends with all of them.

This shows what type of a person Cass is. Cass nodded. "I agree with that, Alex, but I can't stop caring." Ashton may have effectively walked all over her, but Cass is still being a good friend to her. She still cares about her, no matter what, and this shows how deep their friendship is.

And this line emphasises what I just said. She looked around the canteen again, hoping to spot Ashton, preferably alone, so things could go back to the way they were. I thought it was pretty significant that she wanted to find Ashton alone, because she knows that if she's with Audrey then she probably won't get much sense out of her. It's really saddening to read that the girl who is supposed to be her best friend is listening to Audrey instead, especially since she knows Audrey's reputation. She's got her wrapped around her little finger and is blind to seeing how much Cass cares about her.

Cass still wants to think the best of Ashton, even though her friends think otherwise (I quoted it in a line instead of leaving it in the format it was in the story). "She was just being bitchy. I guess it was a mood swing or something." "It's the Audrey Cooper effect. She's already in Ash's head," Jack chimed up. Jack is just telling it like it is, whilst Cass is trying to sugar-coat things and tell herself that Ashton is just having a bad day. She doesn't want to accept the fact that Ashton is being corrupted by Audrey. This shows that she's a really good friend and will still stand by Ashton no matter what.

I like how we got Ashton's point of view at the end of the part. Ashton shuddered slightly. Deep down, she knew Cass wasn't like that. She and Jack were just friends, nothing more. Cass wouldn't hurt her like that. But Audrey was picking up on things, she was pointing things out that Ashton had never noticed before. Sorry for quoting a lot. This little extract is really intriguing, it shows aspects of the Ashton that is Cass's best friend, and the new Ashton that is hanging round with Audrey. Ashton knows that Cass wouldn't do anything like that, but Audrey has convinced her otherwise. Audrey has been manipulating her and the worst thing is that she hasn't even noticed. She thinks that Audrey is being a good friend by telling her all of this, but in all honesty she's just saying things to turn Ashton against Cass.

The ending worried me a little. She had never heard Cass mention anything about liking Alex before, but she trusted Audrey. She had to. She was the only one that understood how she felt. She's putting blind trust in somebody that she hated a few weeks ago. And I have a bad feeling about what's going to happen. I love how you've written Audrey, you've really made it easy to hate her. I'm intrigued with where this is going.

Great update, sorry about the wait for feedback. :arms:

Finally you updated ;)
Haha, I loved it so much !
But Audrey is a little bitch !

Oh godddd, this seemed so well written and gorgeous. Then I see it's inactive. D:
Please come back and write more! <3

FUCK'S SAKE THE FILE I SAVED THE FEEDBACK FOR THE FIRST THREE PARTS IN HAS CORRUPTED, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO START FROM SCRATCH. I'll try to recreate best I can.

Sorry about the wait. This should teach me a lesson to leave more prompt feedback, because you've updated, like, four times since I bookmarked this to review. XD

Gossip
First of all, I loved that this was only quite short, it's like a snapshot of a moment in time of Ashton's life. Feedback for this part won't be as long as the other bits, owing to the fact that it's only short.

The way you opened it was great. Natural, afternoon light poured through the cracks in the blinds It lulls the reader into a false sense of security, making them believe that this story is going to be all fluffy and beautiful, and I love how relaxed it appears at the start. It's almost as if it's the calm before the storm, the calmness before all hell breaks loose and things get out of control. I love the way you write scenes like this, the really relaxing calm scenes, you've got such a knack for writing them well.

This shows that she's been here before, that she knows what's going to happen and she's used to it. Ashton Willis was curled up in her usual choice of seat She's resigned to the fact that she's here and I think she feels quite safe and secure in her surroundings. She knows that she comes here to try and get better, and she does similar things each time in order to get into some kind of routine. I have a feeling she works best with a routine.

I think that this describes the type of people that Carla deals with really well. She was just another messed up teen. Another that had been put on the road to recovery. Another that would no doubt end up being filled to the brim with various pills That's how a lot of her patients end up because that's just the solution to give. But there's something about Ashton that's different (I know, cause I've read all the updates, but I thought this the first time I read it) to all these people and it's almost as if she's different to all the "messed up teens", even though Carla described her as one.

And this just clarifies that she's a little bit different. Ashton was more than a figure on her paycheck, unlike all the other kids who so desperately needed 'help', when all they craved was some sort of attention. It shows that Ashton is different to the other people that she sees, she really does feel empathy towards her and wants to help her get better so much. It's almost as if she tries harder with Ashton because she understands her, which makes me wonder whether in the past, she ever had problems like Ashton.

This confused me when I read it for the first time. A forty one year old therapist and she looked more like a twenty nine year old catalogue model. Her skin was perfect and wrinkle free, her hair long and inky black. But now I've read the later parts, I completely understand it and I like that you did this because it makes the reader wonder why she is thinking these thoughts about the woman that has been helping her, because it doesn't quite make sense. It adds a sense of mystery to the story and I absolutely love it!

The fact that she said she doesn't like anything about herself made me intrigued as to what happened to make her feel this way, and it made me want to read on so badly, to see what was going to happen! Great way to end the part.

I Am Your Umbrella
I loved how you opened this part, again. It really is like the calm before a storm, you just build it up to be so relaxing and it's just so laid back and chilled. The weather is perfect, and everything is just right. I love how you do this, you can describe things as being absolutely perfect.

This says a lot about her character. Her blue eyes narrowed as she spotted a slight blemish on her cheek. She reached for her tube of concealer, furiously applying it to her skin, unknowingly making it worse. I like the hints you're giving for what's wrong with her, you don't explicitly state what is up but you add in little bits like this, which helps to keep the story consistent. Like, she's not suddenly self-hating all at once, it seems like she's been like this for some time and it's almost like a force of habit for her to meticulously check her reflection to see if there's anything wrong with herself. When I read this bit for the first time, this made me think that she definitely has underlying problems with self-confidence and her looks.

I loved the entrance of Cass! Cassandra Anne Simpson wasn't one to make a big entrance, but she was in desperate need to remove her new shoes. It shows that she's not a person to bring attention to herself, she's more than happy to go along un-noticed until somebody finds her. And I love her desperation to take off her shoes! It's obvious about how much pain she's in, because she burst into the room, rather than just entering casually and taking them off. And this! throwing them away as though they had given her an electric shock. I loved that description, it really brings across how much the shoes must hurt. And it's a shame because they must look good - what with her mentioning she spent her Christmas money on them.

I liked this bit. Ashton whimpered slightly as she looked at the beautiful and stupidly expensive shoes. It's like she doesn't know how to react to Cass's entrance and also a reaction to the shoes as well - she thinks that Cass is the only person who's able to pull off wearing them well, she's scared that if she wears something like that then people will laugh at her. That's my take on this bit, anyway. Cleverly done, by the way.

This was a great description. Cass produced a pair of tatty grey Converse, that, when they had been newly bought, white as Jon Bon Jovi's teeth. A lesser writer would probably just describe them as once being white, but I love how you compared them to Bon Jovi's teeth! It's something a little different, and it also brings a bit of light relief into the story - Ashton is feeling really down about herself, so it's good to have a bit of a lighter moment.

Sorry to quote so much. "It's senior year, we have to make a good impression. You do want a prom date this year, don't you?" She turned back to the mirror, studying her reflection. This does say an awful lot about Ashton. Looks are everything to her, and somebody who doesn't know what's up with her would probably view her as being shallow or a narcissist, which is far from the truth.

I like the fact that Cass isn't completely clueless about all of this. Something about Ashton had been different for a while now. It almost seemed like her best friend had changed overnight, and Cass was far from happy about it. She's noticed a change in her best friend and I'm glad that you included this in because in real life, somebody would have noticed so I'm glad that you did this because it makes the story seem a hell of a lot more realistic.

I really love Cass's honesty. and you don't need all the make up you slap on, you have really nice skin. It shows that she doesn't sugar-coat things and she tells things like they are. She tells Ashton that she doesn't need makeup and she's fine without it, which implies that she thinks that it's a little too much, and she thinks that Ashton is trying a little too hard.

It's really sad that Ashton can't believe Cass's words, when they really are true. Deep down, she knew Cass was just telling her the right thing to say, even if it was the wrong thing. She's just got this mindset that won't let her let go about it all. And it's not truly her fault, it's her problem - that's what's making her think like this. But it really is saddening to read because I get the impression that Ashton has very natural beauty...she just can't see it.

They Faked It From The Word Go
I loved the immediate insight into Audrey. Only, Audrey hated her middle names with a passion, so she dropped them. No one called her by them, and she never revealed them to anyone. It's often the first lines of description of a character that leaves a lasting impression on the reader and it builds up how the reader sees and likes/dislikes the character. And this sentence shows that Audrey is very self-centred, she wants people to remember her name and she wants her name to easily roll off the lips. And with a lot of middle names, she knows that's difficult.

This describes her well. It was snappy and sliced through the air like a freshly sharpened knife. Just the way she liked it. From what she's described as being like later on in the story, I think this is a very apt description. She's snappy, to match her name, and is very sharp. And she's like a knife as well, smooth to the touch but dig any deeper and it'll be sharp and hurt you.

She craves the attention, that's something that's really obvious. She flicked her hair and glanced over her shoulder at the younger boys she passed, all of them melting under her gaze It shows that she craves human attention, and she doesn't care who she gets it from. She wants people to stare at her and be amazed. She wants people to be in awe of her looks and she doesn't care what she has to do in order to achieve this. She comes across as a very focused, controlling person.

And this just emphasises this. Audrey didn't care for them. They were just her play things. Her puppets. She doesn't have any regard for anybody, well except herself of course. She doesn't care who she has to hurt in order to get what she wants, she doesn't mind breaking a few hearts in the greater scheme of things. She's a user, and just tosses people carelessly to the side once she's finished with them.

It's just routine for her, now. She was on the prowl for her next victim, as she walked through the halls on the first day of senior year. It's a force-of-habit for her, she's just looking out for a new person to corrupt and break apart, to give her attention and help her gain more of a reputation, before destroying them like she does with everybody else.

Sorry to quote epicly loads here. A sly smirk crossed her gloss coated lips and she narrowed her eyes, flicking her hair behind her as she began the walk towards her form room, the cogs spinning inside her twisted mind, ready for plans to form so she could start setting them in motion. I don't like this at all, she sort of intimidates me. And the fact that she flicks her hair away shows that she's always conscious about her appearance, even when she's thinking about other things. And it's almost like she's forcing a plan upon herself, she wants to think something wicked up because I get the impression that she enjoys breaking people apart. I don't like her at all, she reminds me of this girl I know that is a complete bitch.

I liked that we had two views on Audrey. the first years wondering who this mysterious blonde beauty could be. Little did they know she could ruin their lives in minutes. We've had her very self-centred view on herself, and now we're getting an insight from Cass, and I think it's good because it shows how others see her, they know to stay well away from her and Cass seems to be one of those people that can see Audrey for exactly who she is. I get the feeling that Cass can see beyond a disguise, she can see people for who they really are.

I'm gonna quote this in a line, makes more sense to rather than spacing it out with regards to feedback. "Audrey Cooper's back this year," Cass wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Oh, is that it? I thought something terrible had happened." I get the impression that Ashton doesn't really mind too much, she doesn't really associate herself with Audrey but I think there's a little part of her that is in awe of her, which is why she doesn't seem overly bothered about Audrey returning, whereas Cass is the opposite.

Liked this. "Ah, yeah, but that isn't going to be us now, is it? I mean, she usually preys on the first years, right?" It lulls the reader into a false sense of security which is quickly broken apart by the next part. I like this because it makes the fact that Audrey focuses on Ashton a bit of a surprise, because she's not a first-year.

Something is wrong, here. Ashton emerged and scowled at him. "No, I'm not," her voice came out snappy, and somewhat stressed already. There's something on Ashton's mind and it isn't really established what. And she's unintentionally taking her bad mood out on everybody. It shows that she's human, just like everybody else, and that everyone has their flaws. It makes the story more realistic because this happens in real life - not everything is sunshines and rainbows.

Cass is worried about Ashton. Cass chose to tune out and ignore him. It wasn't that she found Alex boring, he was anything but. She just felt preoccupied. She knows that something is different about her, something has changed over the summer holidays and she doesn't know exactly what it is. And I think that the change has scared her, because she's never known Ashton to be snappy and anxious about this. She's really worried for her friend, but Ashton can't see this.

I loved the way you ended this. Something bad was about to happen, and it was going to turn her world upside down. Gives the reader something to ponder about the story, and it definitely made me want to read on. I love the way you end parts with leaving something for the reader to think about.

Take Off Your Colours
I love how in your stories I can really get into the minds of your characters. That summery feeling had quickly evaporated, leaving behind a bittersweet taste. It shows the fact that everybody's a little bit depressed that they're back at school. They just want one more week of freedom, they don't want to get back into the routine of school quite yet. But they have to adjust, no matter how much they don't want to. And I like how you described this, with leaving a bittersweet taste. It's a lot better than saying something like they hated it, it shows what a good writer you are and it's a lot more effective.

I think this is a sort-of automatic reaction from Cass. Cass nodded, her eyes rolling slightly. "You say that every single year." She hears this every year from Rian, with no fail, and that's always her response to him. It's a tradition for him, in a way, and it's almost as if he has to say it, because it means that a new school year has begun.

Cass seems to be really intelligent and can notice things that are doomed to fail. Only, this was the first time it wasn't comforting. She still had those feelings, snapping, biting, scratching at her insides. Something was going to go wrong this year, she just knew it. I think that what happened with Ashton earlier on was something that made her think this way, and she's just worrying because she knows that something is up with Ashton but she doesn't know what exactly. She knows that one wrong move and things are going to go pear-shaped. She seems like a person who can tell these things.

And this shows what a good friend she is. And Cass vowed to do whatever she could to prevent it. She's noticed the change in Ashton and she wants to nip the problem in the bud before it worsens. But the worst thing is that she doesn't know what the problem is, which is why she vowed to do whatever she could. It shows that she's a very caring person towards her friends and will do anything to help them. She's a sweetheart, I love Cass's character. She tries so hard.

I think this shows how close Rian and Alex are. "The first day is - " Alex has picked up on Rian's sayings, and he says them subconsciously. They seem to be people that spend a lot of time together, so it's nice to see that certain parts of their personalities have rubbed off on one another.

Good description here. She looked past Alex to see something she hadn't hoped to see, her smile faded quickly and her breath caught in her throat. It's the sudden fear, and it's instantly apparent that something bad has happened. And it's quite worrying to read, because for a split second it's not clear what has happened. The fear and shock is really realistic and I can really imagine it well. You're so good at writing scenes like this.

And Alex has almost the same reaction as Cass. Alex's eyelids shot open in alarm and he looked at Cass, following her line of sight. He scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. He knows that what he's seeing is wrong too and I think he's similar to Cass in a lot of ways, with regards for seeing people for who they really are. And he seems to share a lot of similar opinions with her, too.

Instantly the reader knows something is wrong. Walking towards them was Ashton. She had a huge smile plastered to her face and she was nodding her head along in agreement to what Audrey Cooper, who was walking beside her, was saying. Earlier on this morning, Ashton was feeling so low about herself, so it seems a bit much for her to suddenly be smiling like she is, which leads me to believe that this is a bit of a forced smile, and she's just saying stuff to agree with Audrey because she doesn't want to be ditched or anything. She's being the person that Audrey wants her to be, she's not being herself.

This really made me laugh for some reason. "It's like flies round shit, isn't it?" Alex asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste He basically hit the nail on the head and I loved the way you portrayed it because you did it in a humorous way. And it was a good place to add a slightly funny bit, because of the worry about Ashton and why she's with Audrey, when it was established earlier that Audrey rips people to shreds for fun.

I think that Audrey has already started to mess with Ashton's mind. "I told him to go home. I don't need a ride today, my mom's picking me up." She seems to be very disregarding of Jack's feelings. He's meant to be her boyfriend and she's just sort-of cast him to one side and ignored him so that she can go off and do her own thing. I get the feeling that Audrey told her to do that, she's already started manipulating her and it's hardly been any time at all since they started talking, which is quite worrying.

It's obvious that Alex doesn't really believe Ashton. Alex shrugged. "Whatever you say. Come on guys, let's get out of this hell hole." He just shrugs off what she's said and isn't taking her seriously because of the company that she's with. It's mentioned that he's her oldest friend, so he can obviously tell if there's a change in her. And that's what he's seeing right now.

This was awful and made me feel so sad! GAHH your writing affects me so much! Ashton slammed her locker shut and looked expectantly at Cass. "Shouldn't you go? Alex might leave without you." Her tone was harsh. It's like she doesn't care about anybody but Audrey right now. And she's saying this stuff to her best friend without thinking, it's like she's a different person and it's so sad to read how she's treating her best friend like this.

And Audrey knows exactly what she's doing. She glanced at Audrey to see her smirking. It's the beginnings of her plan falling into motion - although what her plan is, I don't know yet, it's not been revealed yet - but she's smirking because things are going wrong already, and everybody is reacting exactly as she wants them too. There's something about this that is really sinister and it worries me a little.

But despite all that's happened, despite that Cass knows that Audrey is manipulating Ashton, her number one priority is still Ashton. There were more important things to think about. Ashton's strange mood's were at the top of her list. It really does show what a good friend she is, she's just been rudely spoken to Ashton, who's been a bit of a bitch to her, but she's still thinking of Ashton and what she can do in order to help her. She wants to know what's wrong but she doesn't know how to approach Ashton to sort it all out.

This shows how worried she is about Ashton and how much Audrey has affected her, even though she wants to wash all traces of her from her mind. She hadn't even realised she'd been crying. She furiously wiped her cheeks, annoyed that she'd be upset over something so trivial. She's annoyed at herself for crying because she doesn't want to waste any of her emotion over Audrey, and I think that everything with Ashton has just gotten a bit much for her and it's reflex that has caused her to get so upset.

And the worst thing is that she can see this getting worse. Cass knew deep down that the upside down loop in the rollercoaster was Audrey Cooper's fault, and this was the calm before the storm. She knows that Audrey is going to manipulate Ashton further and turn her into a person that's the complete opposite of who she is now, and she knows that she won't be able to stop it. Good way to finish the part, too. Leaves the reader with an afterthought and also leaves them wondering about the next part.

Find My Purpose
I think this was my favourite out of all your updates. It really stood out to me.

This is a good opening, and says a lot about Carla. She couldn't think and get inside her patients minds, until she de-cluttered her own. She cares a lot about her patients and her work, and she wants to be good at what she does, and she takes care to look after her patients and she makes sure that she's in the right frame of mind before she sees a patient, which is good. It shows what a good, caring person she is. She obviously gets joy out of helping others.

And she wants to make a special effort for Ashton. She had spent her free afternoon, dusting and throwing useless things away, ready for when Ashton Willis stepped through the door at four. Ashton appears to be an important patient to her, and in the first part it's established that she really cares about Ashton's well-being, so it's significant that she made more of an effort to be ready for her arrival - she wants to be able to help Ashton in the best way possible.

I like that this part is swaying towards Carla's point of view, it helps to get an insight into how others view Ashton and also it's nice to see Carla's views on everything. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, the electronic device was buzzing away in her hand, blasting some teenage punk band's latest song. I like the little details like this, it shows that Carla is older because she doesn't know who the band is, she just assumed that they're a well-known band that has a teenage target audience.

This made me wonder whether Ashton sees this as some kind of chore. "What do we have to talk about this afternoon?" Ashton asked. It's the fact that she used the word "have" in her question. I'm not implying that she doesn't like Carla or she doesn't want the sessions, but it's almost like she's forcing things to move faster, she wants to get better quicker than what is possible.

But despite this, she really respects Carla and she views her as an equal. She had a feeling that the woman sitting opposite her could really help her through this and she'd end up coming out the other side, in possession of a much more positive mental attitude. She wants to be helped - which is the first step in overcoming a problem - and she knows that Carla is the best person for the job. She knows that Carla will help her to get better, she just needs to get through this.

This made me wonder a little. She knew Cass was Ashton's best friend. If anything, the girl sounded lovely, but she couldn't help but blame her for Ashton's problem. It really makes me wonder what Cass could have done in order for Ashton's problem to make itself known. It really makes me intrigued for later parts, I can't wait to see what's going to happen later on because right now there are lots of things that are mysteries and I can't wait to see them resolved.

I liked this, because it shows Carla's understanding of who Ashton is. Carla raised one freshly waxed eyebrow. "You mean to say you've told someone about this?" She knows that Ashton doesn't want to tell anybody, and when Ashton had said that "Audrey understood" she was immediately a bit sceptical, because she was given the impression that Ashton had spoken to somebody about this. And she knows that Ashton is against that, which explains that she's a little sceptical about this.

And Ashton makes it sound like it was nothing. Ashton shook her head, her eyes widening. "No, no, not at all. I just told her I have body issues." She described her problem to Audrey as "body issues", when in reality it's a lot worse than just that.

Carla knows that Audrey isn't good for Ashton's wellbeing. "Then she's playing on your weakness. Audrey's the girl you told me about last week, isn't she? The one that destroys the younger girl's reputations?" She already knows that Audrey is a nasty piece of work, and like Cass she can see Audrey for who she really is. But Ashton can't. She can't see that Audrey is playing on her weaknesses, she can't see that Audrey is trying to break her apart by getting her to reveal her biggest secrets.

I think she acted too harshly here. "I don't need these. I don't need therapy, I can do this on my own, so Carla, you needn't worry about me anymore." She doesn't know how to react to hearing that Carla worries about her after hours, she doesn't want people worrying about her. So she gets all defensive and acts rashly. She doesn't want to be a problem for anybody, and is really annoyed that Carla accused Audrey of being bad for her, even though it's true. She thinks that Audrey understands her, so to be told that she's no good for her must be a little disheartening.

And the anger is really taking control here. It felt better to talk to someone who she could relate to, instead of a stuffy, over educated therapist, who really had no clue. Because Carla has voiced her opinions on Audrey, and Ashton doesn't like what she's heard, she's painting Carla to be somebody that she isn't, out of spite. It was mentioned earlier that she liked Carla and was confident that she could help her, so it's obvious that she's only really thinking that Carla has "no clue" because she's angry. I don't think that Ashton is a person who copes well when she's angry, she does stuff without thinking of the consequences.

The ending is quite ominous, Audrey is coming back into the story and she makes me feel a little uneasy. I can't wait to see how all the events are going to unfold. This is really well-written, I definitely can't wait to read more.

Next time feedback will be more prompt. Sorry about the wait you've had. :arms:

I subscribed (:
I really like this story ;)

I found this from your postsecret.
You said it was the most personal thing you've ever written, and I feel so sorry for you about that.

Your writing is practically flawless, except for one fault I noticed: the repitition of 'though' in chapter five.
Your character description through the whole of the story so far is immaculate, and very realistic. I think you portray Ashton's emotions extremely well, I really understand how she is feeling. As I have had a similar condition to her, I think that I can say correctly that you have showed how she is feeling, and how certain things affect her.

This seems to be a very promising story, and I'm definitely subscribing.

I absolutely adore this story. You write so wonderfully, and the way you portray emotions is fantastic and very realistic.

I loved the update
This story flows so beautifully.

I'm falling in love with this story.

When you glance at it, you think it's just a normal high school story but then reading it you realise it's quite complex.

Ashton thought hard. "Well, I didn't sit in front of the mirror, crying my eyes out this morning. I suppose that's a plus. School was okay, average if anything. I think I upset Cass though, I was being a bitch though." This paragraph started off well, the way you write dialogue is so natural, but the repetition of 'though' kind of ruined it for me.

But, that's my only criticism. I loved the update :]]]]

I agree with Brianna! nastyhabits
I'd say she was pregnant.

I'd say she's pregnant, but that just seems too random.
I'm bad at guessing games.

Loved the update.

This is turning into my favourite chaptered story to read atm. Your updates are just so lovely.

Your characters are so realistic. I adore this :]

Amazing update
I really enjoyed how it flowed so naturally
This is amazing
I'm falling in love with it already :cute:

Specks of dust floated lazily in the air, slowly free-falling towards the scratchy jade green carpet.
I love this description. It's beautiful and gives a very good mental image of what the room is like and sets the mood.

Ashton Willis was curled up in her usual choice of seat.
That phrase is a bit strange sounding. It doesn't have a very good flow. Maybe change it to something like 'Ashton Willis was curled up in her usual spot'? 'Usual choic of seat' is just a really awkward sounding segment.

nspecting her midnight blue painted nails, the polish had begun to chip.
You should probably change that comma to either a ; (semi-colon, I believe it's called? I hardly remember) or a period.

Another that would no doubt end up being filled to the brim with various pills - all that promised to deal with her problem.
Perhaps replac the dash with a comma? I think that would help with the flow a little bit better.

Overall, chapter one was a very good introduction to your characters. It gave me a sense of how the therapist feels about Ashton and how Ashton feels about the therapist.

Now, onto chapter two.

The room was fairly quiet, save the portable television
Maybe change to 'save for'?

The rest of the chapter is lovely. You definitely don't need to re-write it. Again, you do a very nice job of explaining your characters without doing it directly. Just the dialogue gave me a really clear view of how Ashton and Cass act, and the few actions that you described also helped with that.

Good job, hun.

I agree with The Color Abi. There is no reason to re-write it, it's amazing. :cute:

Although, Sunlight poured through the open window, casting a thick block of yellow, fresh light across the room might've sounded better if you'd swapped the words 'yellow' and 'fresh around... So it would be casting a thick block of fresh, yellow light... but, that's just me being weird :]

I'm intrigued by Ashton. I'm beginning to wonder if Cass knows about her therapist. :think:
I'm guessing no, because of the way Cass casually blew off Ashton when she said "'Nice', that's all it is though, isn't it? I'm just 'nice', I'm not beautiful or anything spectacular, I'm just 'nice'."
There are so many things I want to know. :twitch:

I loved this update. :weird
You are amazing at not telling us everything about Ashton but, at the same time, keeping us interested.

I can't wait for the next one. :arms:

I really enjoyed this update.
I like how one of them wants to make a good impression for the new school year whereas the other couldn't care any less then she already does. :cute:
You don't need to re-write it, it's find how it is.

I like this so far :)