Over Exposure. - Comments

This is very good, quite modern and the paragraphs flow very well into each another, as do the chapters. There's just enough detail for you to understand exactly what Madison is talking about, and I like that you use 1st person. It leads it deeper into Madison's life and how she feels about everything.
I think you show add more paragraphs though, especially in Chapter 2, your paragraphs are large and some of them could be cut in half if you wished, it would flow all the more better that way. I noticed that in Chapter 3 and 4, you made them a bit smaller, and that's what made it so much better.

I enjoyed it! I really think you should update this regularly. It's a very good story.

WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN UPDATED SINCE NOVEMBER *dies*

First of all, like budgie above me here said, your layout is very pretty. It's so lovely. :)

And on with the story, the way you wrote it was fantastic. The words you used have this sort of appeal to it - one cannot prevents the reader to stop.

Lightning flashes flew into our confined space, the flashes reflecting off all the sparkling upholstery and my eyes felt like they were staring into a mine of burning magnesium.

I love, love, love this line.

Your definitely know how to balance description and conversation, something that only a few writers can do.

Fantastic. :) Subscribed!

So before I comment on the actual story. In chapter four, you have a paragraph which is obviously a mistake.

Great.” I heard Seth mutter under his breath as he waved at the woman, but then when she flounced over and wrapped her arms around his breath as he waved at the woman, but then when she flounced over and wrapped her arms around him and buried her cherry orifice into his neck he reflected her affection but with lack of effort, and his eyes spoke out to me to show how much of a nuisance this woman was. “Hey Darling!” You repeat a part of the sentence in here twice, so you might want to fix that. :3

So I've just read through all four chapters and it's a very enjoyable read. You don't over glamorize the lifestyle of the rich and famous, you make it how we assume it would actually be. You don't make it like one of those aggravating fanfictions where the girls just magically make their way into fame and fortune. I like the way it's set up and the way it's flowing. I'm curious as to where you will take this and whether or not there will be a romance blossoming between Seth and Madison. :)

The only critique I have is that there were very few spelling errors within the story. And in the first chapter when explaining Seth's emotions they seem slightly false and just kind of...overly cheery. They weren't very realistic to me. But other than that, your descriptions and scenery details and just everything over all is fantastic. :)

(For the story comment swap thread.)

First off, I really love the layout. So pretty.

“Great.” I heard Seth mutter under his breath as he waved at the woman, but then when she flounced over and wrapped her arms around his breath as he waved at the woman, but then when she flounced over and wrapped her arms aroundhim and buried her cherry orifice into his neck he reflected her affection but with lack of effort, and his eyes spoke out to me to show how much of a nuisance this woman was. Just a weird typo thing I found.

“We went to school each other.” With each other?

Anyway, onto the proper comment! :D

I quite like this. Your dialogue is smooth and realistic. I really liked how you described the room as being 'like something out of a Disney movie'. Actually, the whole description of the room, with the flawless carpet, was really excellent and I could picture it really clearly.

The continuation of the Disney thing, with her being 'London's own Cinderella' was pretty clever, too. :D

Overall, very well written. I enjoyed this :)

(And good luck for yourNEWTS A-levels!)

This layout is really pretty, i love the banner picture :)
I'm kind of confused with the chapter,
so Seth is in a band right? and she is watching him on TV, and he's messing up?
WAit, i don't understand the thing she is all fascinated about
Evie sounds annoying, bitchy, and slutty to me haha
Whoa, an article was written about her? gossip sucks :/
this is a cute story, and i really do like it :)
and good luck with your a-levels!

You make the characters so realistic and heart touching in this story. You describe the scenery with such perfect excellence, as if you know just what words to type down. I can't state enough just how realistic it is, and this is just from reading the first chapter. (I know you said just read chapter 4, skim through 2 - 3, but I'm reading it all.)

If only they could see him now - drinking coffee with his hair a mess, pale skin standing out against his sallow black clothes and deep dark bags under his eyes,
- My favorite paragraph, or what have you, in chapter one by far. So in love with these descriptions.

Kind of weird, however, that he knows about her Late Night London job when she hadn't told anybody about it. I like how you mentioned "those four walls" more than once, like she has this utmost loathing of where she lives.

I like how you described her make-up, and how it's so different from what she normally is like. You describe a normal girl getting uncomfortably gussied up for a Hollywood-esque party, all because a boy asked her to. And that my friend, is typical of any real female.

Your description of the building is beautiful, and I think the building itself adds to her character. She's a journalist living in a dump of building. How very poetic.

lit up the country, lit up with continent, lit up with the world.
- I think both of the times you used 'with' it's supposed to be 'the', but I could be wrong?

“You look like an eighties porno reject, minus the lycra.”
- I died. I absolutely died of laughter, this was wonderful.

I genuinely thought in Chapter 2 that he was going to stand her up. And the gall of him to ask the limo driver to toss her a make-up bag. Men! :3 But I secretly loved it anyways. Seth and Madison are cute together.

And now instantaneously I hate Seth, he's such a pig. But it's also slightly gross that Madi is using all these make-up products and brushes from Seth's previous lays, because she could get pink eye or lice. Never know where skanks have been. :p

I felt her pain when she wanted to thank Levi, but the silence was overwhelming and deafening. I actually felt it. As if I were seated in that limo with them, wanting to do the exact same thing. Feeling the exact same way.

You were right in mentioning it was like a Disney movie, because I wholeheartedly agree. I, actually, kept thinking of Beast's castle in Beauty and the Beast.

Oh my lanta, the candy coated voice belongs to the girl with all the pink makeup, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT? Excuse me, I have to read on to figure this out. I know I'm right. I can feel it in my bones. Well looks like I don't get told, but she's a bitch. How dare she leave Madi standing there all alone. How dare Seth leave Madi standing there all alone.

I feel bad for Madison, being put in an article, being blamed for Seth and barbie-bitch's rocky relationship. But this was beautifully written, and I'm thinking I might actually subscribe to it.

So I read the whole thing and I seriously love it.
The opening was like, wow, it drew me in straight away. I love the voice in this. Its so strong and controlled. The descriptions are superb. My favourite bits have to be your characterization and dialogue though. Especially within chapter four.
What really got me about the whole thing is how obvious it is that you put effort into this. I read so many stories - published, online, at uni - which are just so bland and tasteless and you can tell there is nothing behind them. Not with this though, its so colourful and it’s almost addicting to read if that makes sense?

I think this is definitely one of the best things I’ve read on Mibba, like, hands down :3

OM NOM NOMMM.

It's been far too long since I read this, Jehmz. In fact, I didn't even know it had been updated because my mibba account is synced to my old email. Fail -facepalm-

I like the direction this story's going in. It doesn't move too fast or too slow, just perfect. :3 And I usually don't get into stories about rich and famous OCs that easily as they're not my kind of stories but the fact that I like yours means it must be amezzin.

You make me want to write stories again!
Keep it up.

Fletch ;)

I promised you a comment, and here it is.

I love the contrast in Seth, how at the beginning of Chapter four you describe him as perfectly uncaring and distant, especially the line about how his eyes would have been lifeless but for the camera flashes reflected in them. And then when he's alone with Madison he's agreeable and nice and somewhat flirtatious. I love their relationship.

I'm reading from the beginning right now, and I absolutely have to say: Your style of describing things is BRILLIANT! It's simple and yet paints a wonderful picture in the reader's mind, and it just enhances the story. I love the plot for this, as its not the usual thing you'll spot on Mibba, and it's got a lovely idea worked in there.

The only thing I've spotted that threw me off a bit was a simple error in chapter three - "Oh, and I’ll will help you get up to the building, the leeches of the papers will be wanting to know who you are."

You've got I'll will, which is a bit off to me, xD

The fourth chapter is quite well written with realistic emotions. The meeting between Seth, Maddie, and Evie certainly was an awkward one, and you instantly just come to the conclusion that you will not like evie through the story. Her editor seems to be a lovely person, but very true to the idea of what an editor would be like for a prestigeous teen magazine.

Overall, I think this has a pretty good chance at being popular on here, as it's a unique idea and fairly cute and well written.

I loved this, it was written so well. You know how to weave a story, and the idea itself is so original as well. I've never read anything like this before, and it's always good to read something completely new.

“You must really like shiny things.” I giggled when Seth said this. The description of her taking in her surroundings and how Seth watches her was so well-written, the imagery was perfect.

The description of Evie made me laugh as well. I know girls who are actually like that, so I could picture it in my head and it was comical because people do actually dress and act like that. Also, how you made Evie get her name wrong was a nice touch, though in my opinion the use of calling her hands 'talons' seems a bit overdone to me, but that might just be my opinion.

It was really well-written and the story is amazing. Definetly subscribing :)

This is actually an incredible story- really. I'm actually really glad that I read this.

Already in the first chapter I get a sense of what type of person she is without you telling me straight up, and I like that. And Seth's just already so damn adorable that I can't even comprehend how much I already love him.

The first chapter was amazing, I loved it a lot, actually. You made her seem veyr realistic, and I could clearly imagine everything. You've really got some talent. :D

The second chapter, the first couple paragraphs sort of bored me. I mean, I think it's nice that we get a sense of what she's wearing, and that way that you described her was fabulous- really. But do we really need to know anything more than what dress she wore, maybe her shoes and maybe her hair? Which could all be in one much smaller paragraph? Maybe it's just me, but I dislike when people spend a large amount of time on appearance.

I like how you capture the weather a lot too, I don't know why but I always love how people describe weather and you did that really well throughout, I've never been to London but I can imagine it's a very... rainy city. :D

I'm a little iffy about Evie though, not that she's like... uber bitch, but I feel like she's another one of those fake blonde's that are with the guy that hate the normal girl. I don't know, the concept seems a little too... cliche for me, to say the least. And I mean, she has to have blonde hair and wear pink? Y'know where I'm coming from?

The entire plot though, as a whole, I love. I've never read a story where the girl is a reporter-type-person and I think that's so cool to be honest. And I know it's going to make for some great character development when she has to choose whether she wants to write the story or not, and I love character development. I LOVE WHEN THE CHARACTER HAS A BIG SECRET.

Because then when it's out in the open it's that much more O:
And I also love O:

The only other piece of advise would be that... you seem sort of scared to use normal colours. I mean, noir or cerulean, they can be used but it seems a little more over the top, y'know? Like you're trying too hard to sound smart. Or just with a few other things, don't be scared to just be blunt.
If someone's black, you can call it black.
:)

I'm so glad that I claimed this! I've never read anything like this before; it's so amazingly written. Just by looking at the summary page, I can tell that I'm not going to like this Madison Taylor chick very much :| She seems really greedy and I honestly hate greedy people to no end; is that all she really wants?

Anyways, I really love the first chapter. I loved the details and the feelings and everything about it. Oh, and I forgot to mention how much I love the layout :D Maybe my feelings toward Madison are getting less...bitchy, but she seems to be getting bitchier, just be her...reactions and movements and stuff. At least that's the feeling I got when I was reading. But she's very confident; I think that's the only thing I like about her, honestly xD Maybe she's not a real bitch after all, but we'll see how it goes...

Okay, okay, I admit. I'm starting to like her - only in chapter 2 though. Okay, lie. I really do like her xD She's not a bitch after all. She comes off as sort of a Blair Waldorf type of person to me - she's likable, haha! I have to say that you have amazing attention to detail, like here: I quickly skipped down the stairs in an attempt to melt my immobile blood stream and to escape the rancid stench that lingered in every crevice of the room. I make a O: face every time I read anything by you. Everything is just so lovely <3

I think I love chapter 3 the most. If I could, I'd highlight the entire chapter and write a huge I FREAKIN' LOVE THIS SO MUCH over the entire thing <3

Is it just me or does Madison have a huge crush on Seth? Either I'm really tired or high, but that's the feeling that I get xD This part made me lol: “Gee, that’s reassuring. Can we go inside now please? These camera flashes are making me develop epilepsy rapidly.” xDD! Aw, Madison, you're too hysterical!

Okay, so, you better update this soon. I had a blast reading this and will definitely be subbing (: Keep up the lovely work! <3

Wonderful update my lovie! It was awesome. :)
And of course, I very much enjoyed the Beauty & The Beast reference. :D
<3

I adore this!

You draw the reader in straight away with your first sentence, and you kept me hooked throughout the whole story.

Your description is beautiful. It flows so poetically and it's just a complete joy to read. Your use of similies and metaphors and noun phrases and everything is original and inventive, but you make everything completely clear to the reader. I especially loved the little section when you said
"It didn’t seem real, it was like something out of a Disney movie - I expected the candlesticks to run past my feet, tiny teacups and saucers to be cowering in the dark as they were afraid of my arrival and Seth to have completely transformed into the beast."
It's a fantastic comparison you make, and how it seems to return later in the chapter with the LONDON'S OWN CINDERELLA headline is inspired.

Also, can I just say how much I love the title? It's brilliant - a reference to both cameras and photographs, but also to the media and the lack of privacy celebrities seem to have with their lives being constantly exposed to the public. As I read on, the significance of it became so much clearer to me, and it's a great way of keeping readers interested, waiting to find out the significance.

Well done!

This is a really well written story. I love the way you write, the way you describe things and the way you obviously put a lot of effort into your chapters. The characters are believable and the setting is really strong, if that makes sense. It feels like I'm actually there, in London, when you describe things the way you do. This is a really nice plot, too, and I honestly enjoyed reading it.

I read the third chapter like you asked in the thread. I'm not at all sure about what exactly is happening, but I have a vague idea.

The detail you put into description is great. The descriptions are ones I've never read before, which is like a breath of fresh air to me. The way you describe things is very beautiful. It pulls me into the story.

I like that you didn't rush anything in the chapter. You wrote it solely about driving to a party, but while doing so, you also slipped in little details and facts about the story or characters.

I did notice a few mistakes with spelling and grammar, but I'm sure with a once over you'll catch them and be able to fix it. Other than that, this is a really good story. It's definitely interesting. And it's not something I read or see very often. Good job. (:

Comment Swap Game:
“Must have had quite a few girls staying over then. This bag alone weighs a ton.” I mocked him, emphasising the 'girls' to see Seth's face burn slightly with a child's innocence

This line, for some strange reason, made me want to laugh. I know a lot of guys who do this even though they're like, literally man - whores. >.>

I can't leave you an uber - long comment because I'm not as smart as all those other writers on here. However, I'll try to be constructive.

Chapter 3 deserved an 8/10 for flow and tone, and 6/10 for imagery. 10/10 for grammar; extra points for the cool layout and banner. I'm not sure where your story's heading but it seems like it's going to be great.

Keep writing!

ME LIKEY. :D