Blurry - Comments

i think that the layout/font color made it a little hard to read, but i liked this story. It was quite sad, but i think you did a good job capturing the battle she was going through in her mind. Also, like the person above me, i liked the ending.

Story/Review Game

The first thing I would like to tell you is to please make your layout more readable. The text is too light to be seen. You might also like to separate each paragraph with a single line of space, just to make it easier to read.

Okay, one of the things that really stood out to me was that the character thought of herself as a monster. While she's aware of the mask she's wearing, I don't think monster is the right word. Ghost, perhaps? Liar? She's a lot of things, but I don't think she's a monster. I really think you should have used another word in place of that.

However, I really like the style you chose to present the story. It's almost like a poem and it's very back and forth, with her answering her own questions and thoughts. The reader knows that all of this is going on in the character's mind.
And that could lead to a very interesting interpretation of the suicide. Did it really happen or is it just in her mind?

I also wish you'd kept the character nameless. I think it would have been more powerful that way.

I decided to be ignorant and do it anyway. <--- this sentence stood out to me, not because of the word choice or anything, but because of the action it alluded to. That whole bit was very interesting. It's even more interesting how, she not only decides to save her baby from her terrible world, but escape it herself.

You do something that I really like and avoid using the words to describe the important actions of this story: abortion and suicide. I also really liked the way you ended the story: All at once. And then, nothing at all.. It has a very...sad but sing-song feel to it.

So, yeah. I guess it's an okay story, but it has potential to be so much more. It has potenial to be amazing and out of this world and make everyone go =O. And I have a feeling you can pull it off.

Good luck with your future work. =)

i loved it :]
absolutly fantastic !