Awkward - Comments

Haha Jesus Christ and food...It's hilarious...Crackers and popsicle sticks...I love this. It's brilliant.

The wait was agonizing, but I thank you guys for finally updating. Loved the new chapter.

Love it. Thank God for the new update =p update again soon please!

I love you guys. Seriously. My old co-write I had the worst writer's block ever right about where the story is now and what's happened to Audrey, and we never continued it. So, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for working this out and staying.

I enjoyed Tré and Billie Joe's interaction at the beginning - it spoke volumes about their history again, with Tré's reluctance to talk about it, yet he knew it would happen because of the long-standing friendship between the men.

“Little...readheaded…girl! Come here, please—Tré!”

Heh, heh, heh.

The description of Benny in the entranceway made me feel very protective of her. She may be twenty, but she's still young and you painted a pretty sad image. The words "doe-eyed" jumped out at me as a little off-beat though. It could be my personal stance on it (that it's more related to begging - particularly from very young children - than general sadness) but something to think about all the same.

The kitchen table scene was so relatable. A real "slice of life" scene. We've all been in something similar to that at some point and it fit together really well (despite how awkward it was for Benny, Tré and Billie Joe).

In case you hadn't noticed though the first two paragraphs of that scene need two be separated - just a tiny formatting thing.

Benny's Mum. Well. I was wary of her from earlier on, but she really became a Mum is this. She cared and that was really wonderful, but she also got mad at her daughter. I can't stand stories were parents are totally fine with their kids getting up to all kinds of high-jinks without saying anything. It just doesn't float well with me. So it was good to see a realistic Mum written in.

Even though you both wrote bits of this chapter I couldn't tell that had happened. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, since your regular styles are different, but it's good to have consistency in a story.

I love this! More soon!! *subscribes*

I've read this chapter literally, like four times, trying to come up with words to write a proper review, and all I can really think to say is that I like the way your writing flows. It's very...liquid-y. I feel like I could tilt my laptop over and this chapter's words would drip out of the screen like water. That sounds weird and I don't quite know what kind of sense it makes, but it's a good thing, so...yeah.

“Oh, god…” By now, Benny was holding the phone as far away from her ear as she could, and her forehead was resting against the surface of the table. “Fuck my life.”
This bit was very amusing to me; I could just picture Benny sitting at the table, being all -headdesk-, and it made me laugh. I was also amused by the part at the end, from when they were sitting on the couch and trying to ignore how badly they wanted to jump on each other to when they were stumbling down the hall to the bedroom. I'm curious to see how their relationship is going to unfold, especially when/if Billie and Mike find out the truth.

Aww, that was wonderful. I love Tre's clumsiness yet he thinks he's so smooth. The overall awkwardness of that was great.

Oh my God. Seriously. I nearly peed myself laughing (that's what the tweet was about) at Billie Joe and Benny. I was able to picture it exactly and...oh, I seriously couldn't stop laughing at the awkwardness. And like, just the way it was written made it perfect.

And, another thing that deserves mentioning is how Benny and Tre have changed. I didn't really like their relationship before, because their was so much guessing involved...but now that tour is over, there's no need to hide, and, well, I hope their relationship will form into something beautiful, and honest. Fingers crossed. I'm just glad that they're having fun.

That thing I said on Twitter just a minute ago, well, it's for the both of you. I know this is Jinxeh's chapter, but Audrey T....the pair of you have done wonderfully on this story. The reason I love this story so much is because it's how I think in real life. Admitedly, the thinking process is quicker, but as you both each carry on your chapters (when it's your turn, of course) you manage to work their changing thoughts together and intertwine them together...and it fits. It's exactly how I think.

So...let me just say that I enjoyed this chapter very much, and I apologize for having not read it until now. :) It's Audrey's turn now, and I honestly, cannot wait!

Hey, thanks for the long replies! I'm glad to know what I say can be helpful. This is a little late, but I'd rather have to wait until I have the time to sit down and leave a decent comment rather than rushing it out quickly.

It took me a little longer to get into this chapter, because although I liked the instant action of an intruder in Tré's house, I find it difficult to buy the idea of Benny feeling like she might faint. It strikes me as a bit of a contradiction to everything else we see about her. I loved the way you built up the tension slowly, without being too over-dramatic.


“You’re…staying here? Like, as a guest?” She didn’t really appreciate the way one of his eyebrows rose, as though the idea itself was absolutely ludicrous. “So…you’re not a burglar?”

“What? No!”

“Oh. Well, that’s a relief, I guess,” he said, shrugging and scratching at the back of his neck. “I didn’t want to come right out and ask, but I also would have felt bad if I’d like, let you rob him and then get away with it. Bad friend shit, you know?”

The Quote of the Chapter. I just really liked the combination of the humour, simplicity and the honesty of it all. Rock on Billie Joe.

I also really admire the way you wove in the details about the bar stools. It was a short break from Tré and Benny, but also a reminder that even rock stars have domestic lives with ongoing mini-battles over bar stools. The conversation between Mike and Billie was also light-hearted, but still practical. You're quite right, Billie and Mike aren't automatically going to be fine and dandy with Tré fooling around with someone so much younger, but there wasn't a huge freak-out. I like that you're conveying that it's his life, but keeping the concern of his friends present. You said you were a little nervous about writing them together, but you're doing a swell job. It all hangs true and Billie's humourous lines are a high point for me - he does come off as being witty in interviews, I think.

I'm intrigued to know more about Benny's family situation. I'm sure there's more than her being an angry twenty-year-old who needs to learn a little respect for the people who raised, because I know you two just wouldn't write a character like that. I'm looking forward to you backing up in future chapters about why she doesn't get on with her mother.

I don't really know what to say about the last bit with Benny and Tré, because I didn't adore it, but I didn't dislike it either. It was absolutely well-written, I just found it didn’t appeal to me. I think it’s because so far I have found the characters relatable (and more so as the story has progressed), but I lost that a bit here. I would try and give a specific reason beyond this, something that might actually be helpful, but it’s not your writing, it’s me. I’m sure everyone gets this at some point, a small bit of a great story that you just can’t quite understand.

Overall though, I really like the chapter. Awkward is getting better and better with each update. :)

I just read that last chapter (haven't read the rest) but it strikes me that you are one of the better writers out there. The description can get a bit thick (unnecessary adjectives) but I certainly think you're onto something and am making the point of saying so. :)

I've finally got around to finish reading this (because I procratinate everything...) and it's amazing!
The two of you are really amazing writers and this is a great story.
I really like it.

Story Review Game:

Firstly, I really liked the lay-out because of its simplicity. It was very easy to read. And I liked the banner, it looked pretty cool. :)

The summary was really interesting, it made me want to read this pretty quickly. I love odd relationships, odd in any way; in this case the age difference. But it confused me when Benny spoke about the relationship she had with Tre and she said that even staying with him was a bad idea and that she, in fact didn’t even want to be with him. It got me really interested in Benny and I wanted to figure out everything that she thought.

I was kind of confused because I was just sort of placing myself in the middle of the story so I didn’t really know who Benny was and stuff, but that’s okay. That’s obviously not your fault. I was really happy about how descriptive you were about Tre because I basically got to know your character pretty well even though I was starting to read it in the sixth chapter. He seems so nice.

Edit: Just figured out who Benny was. :) I didn’t realize that Benny was a girl.

I liked that I got to learn about Benny in this chapter by seeing the opposite of who she normally is. Hearing it that way instead of the literal was kind of cool.

I loved the part when you talked about her bruise around her eye reflecting her mood; I thought that that was pretty cool.

I really liked the dialog between Benny and Tre about it seeming like he beat her; I thought that it was quite funny. :)

I really liked when she spoke aloud to herself while she looked around the house; it was very real. Both Benny and Tre were very real. I liked the part where he told all his friends about his fling with Benny and he embellished it all and added a couple bra sizes to her and a couple years and also the fact she had looked for him. It was just such a guy thing to do.

Nice little ending, pretty much the biggest cliff-hanger ever…

There were like absolutely no grammatical errors or spelling errors. There was only one that I thought could be a mistake; but I’m not even sure if this is right: you wrote the word belonging when it should have been plural.

Messy black hair... Billie Joe?
UPDATE AGAIN NOW! I must know!

I loved the transition in the chapter between longer sentences like “He’d hardly been able to get two days of down time before Billy and Mike were breaking into his home and nearly smothering him to death, and even after spending an evening with them and their families, he was sure they wouldn’t be satiated of his presence for long,” and the shorter, snappier phrases like “Persistent buggers.” It made for interesting reading and gave this really great variety to Tré’s thought process and I felt very included in what was going on in his head, which is always a plus.

I probably mention this a lot, but you have fantastic word choice. Is there a little sonar machine in you that scans lists of words and beeps when the right one is located? Or are you just that naturally smart? Either way, I always end up reading your work and thinking how beautiful it sounds because of the variety of language and the fact that it isn’t always the tried-and-true crap again.

I loved the diner scene. I really did. It had the right element of humour and Tré’s concern again. You make the concern natural and not over the top which is great, while still hinting at the guilt being present. I like that you haven’t just flushed it all away, it convinces me more that he does care about Benny – if he didn’t care it would be gone completely.

One little point I’ll pick on because there’s not much to pick on, but I want to work in some constructive criticism (can’t just flatter you now, can I?) are the last two lines:

“I’m sorry.”

And she didn’t sound very sorry at all.

It’s the ‘and’, that was the one bit in this chapter that didn’t flow for me. I feel like in using ‘and’ you’re really linking two (or sometimes more) statements together, but you don’t need it here. The following words stand strongly alone without them. We can tell that they belong together without it really. The ‘and’ actually hinders the flow for me.

…I know. I’m really nit-picking. Sorry…

Benny sitting alone in Tré’s house was…interesting. I feel like, in a relatively short space of time, we got to know her a lot more. It was nice to get a little more background (well fed through, by the way) and also just hear from her, when we’ve had a lot of Tré recently.

The best line though?

“Humphrey,” she called in her sweetest voice.

The idea that Benny has a sweet voice. Heh, that really made me grin. “Sweet” and “Benny” feel like antonyms to me. :D

Tré’s exaggerations on Benny were also sweet, but mostly I liked the fact that without even giving the friend a name, you placed him so well there with his beer and his lonely little reflection at the end.

Overall, the chapter just felt tight, like you pulled it all together smoothly and it was wonderful reading.

(Cutting review…now. It’s a page and a bit. Um…I obviously really, really love this story?)

This story remains extremely entertaining and well-written. I feel like I should always critique something in a comment, but there's seriously nothing to critique in my opinion. You'd think that a description of Benny basically hanging around Tre's house all day would be boring, but you made it interesting.
I continue to enjoy this story and its consistent level of awesomeness.

I'm so so so sorry I haven't commented yet! There were two reasons: I haven't had the time, and I didn't want to give you one straight away. :)

Let me start off which how much I love the first line, "Two days." It just... sort of ties everything up, but at the start of the chapter. It makes you want to find out exactly what happened in two days, which I definitely enjoyed. It made the chapter enthralling (is that the right word? I think I may mean 'anticipated') and honestly, it really just, worked.

The way you explained two days but subtle, but at the same time, descriptive. It like, wasn't simple, basic, but it wasn't OVER done, and it definitely made those paragraphs easy to read as they were clear, also.

Oh. My. God. Billie is so adorable! I now truly understand the meaning of 'lol' because I was literally laughing out loud! I think you explained their relationship perfectly - down to a tee. It was so lovely, and again, clear to read. I hate it when sentences are unclear, or run-on (I'm fine with like, a little bit, but excess run-ons I'm not) but there was basically none of that, so kudos. :) Their relationship is so cutesy, and completely admirable - it's also realistic, as I know that any band would probably do the same after not seeing their band mate for a longggg time.

After the little '--' part, I found it quite interesting. Refering to the part: '...he was unable to get Benny out of his mind for more than a few minutes at a time, that first night spent at home...' and then Tre going out with Billie's and Mike's families, it kind of deepens everything a bit. I think it shows a contrast between what he wants, what he's got - the former being Benny, the latter being his band, the golden days when everything wasn't perfect, but at least he was happy on my own. I could be wrong, but I also think this backs up my statement from a previous comment: Does he go with Benny and try to settle down with her? Or does he leave her to go on with his original plans?"

I think that, beneath it all, it is just a tragic love story. You know the cliche, 'You can't miss what wasn't yours in the first place'? Well, in this case, it is bullshit! Tre can miss wanting Benny, he can want to be in a relationship with her. He can, and even though it's underneath the surface, he does.

M'kay, well, I'm sorry that I couldn't finish the rest of this comment, but seriously, this is one long~ chapter! And after this, I'm going to go all waffly and sounding more stupid with my writing than I already do when not focusing. So, goodnight! And I'll have the second half up for you soon! :) Hope this was legible, and you liked it. If you REALLY want a teeny weeny bit of concrit, comment me back or whatever and I'll try to find some. Otherwise, au revoir. :)

Great chapter. I think I'm in love with Tre's dog.

I loved the way you discribed Billie and Mike. Dark eyes glinting with that playful malevolence.... is probably my favorite line ever.

Darn, sorry, I hit the button by accident!

To continue..

Oh Billie.... I really enjoyed seeing Mike and he together with Tre, there was this really nice familiarity (it's something I think you're really good at Andrea),telling us that these people are really good friends without having stupid lines like, "Tre looked at his best friends in the whole world, who had been there for him since..." That whole section read really well.

Of course, his version of normal involved drinking an entire bottle of Habanero hot sauce by himself after Jakob dared him to, and then trying to set his breath on fire with a lighter afterward (because Joey dared him to).

That line probably made me laugh the most out of any. It just...sums up Tre so well.

I'm going to be honest though, and criticise. The idea of having Lucille attack Benny and throw out all her gear just...doesn't sit right. Already we're getting the impression that she's a b*tch, so this action makes her come across as a character who's rather...cliche. You know, nasty girl attacks the good girl. Now Benny is not a cliche at all, because of what you've done with her, so that helps overall, but I'd love to see something more about or from Lucille so that she seems less predictable and cliche. Because honestly, when we first realised Benny was injured, my mind jumped to the aggressor being Lucille.

I really liked the description of Tre's first few days at home. There was this great contemplative mood that made me feel like I knew a lot more about Tre.

Oh Billie.... I really enjoyed seeing he and Mike, there was this really nice familiarity (it's something I think you're really good at Andrea), getting