Awkward - Comments

This is very entertaining. I think you're doing a damned good job in making this cliche` realistic. In all honesty, Tre's obsession with the girl's hair...his obsession with her in general, made me a bit uncomfortable.
He's not a pedophile, but it does put something in there that would make someone wonder, if they were able to see inside of his head.

Pretty hilarious, even so.

I can't express how much I already love this story. Honestly, this is the first fanfiction with a female original character I've read that I could actually get through. I have little to no faith in the genre, but you guys are giving it back to me. :)

I like how the OFC (who is unnamed?) isn't the most stunning thing Tre's ever seen, and how Tre's even got some doubts about being with someone so young. It's the antithesis of every OFC fic I've attempted to read, and I love you guys for it

“I have to ask. You don’t have, like…daddy issues, do you?” ... “My dad’s pretty...pretty awesome. But can we not talk about him w-when we’re doing this?”
My favorite line in this chapter. :lmfao

The first chapter has won me over. :mrgreen:

Oh, my, this is fabulous already. XD

‘This isn’t right—oh, Jesus Christ on a cracker, she has a tongue piercing…’
^ Favourite line right there, among so many others.

Can't wait to read more.

Jesus Christ on a cracker this is ba.. good! I loves it. x3

He lived to tease her; he practically woke up in the mornings brimming with excitement that he would get to mess with her again and again before the day would be through.

Tré's infatuated with this girl which is slightly creepy.
I love how it's written, I've not really read anything by either of you before so I'm really looking forward to this story.

“I have to ask. You don’t have, like…daddy issues, do you?”

:lmfao! I don't know why but I can't help but giggle every time I see this line!
It's so funny he'd come out with a question like that!

‘This isn’t right—oh, Jesus Christ on a cracker, she has a tongue piercing…’

A male friend shared with me the information about how a tongue piercing can give a guy the ultimate pleasure...:tehe:

I'm really looking forward to reading more of this story
Honestly - it's amazing :cute:

It's sort of weird, considering that we don't really get a name of the girl but that her dreadlooks and red hair do make her some sort of hybrid of Jackie in my head. Must fix that because I'm sure this character is completely different and without a beard. Anyway, it's cute how much she actually hates the attention Tré gives her while Tré is practically living on seeing her every day, or just enjoys being around her.

It's funny and I'm wondering if she'll ever end up falling in love with him or not or they'll just keep the relationship they have now like it is. I think that the first would be sort of cliché and the latter a bit ore original but then you'd have to have a very interesting plot to keep it working.

But then I look at NML and I just know you can and same with Audrey, you two seem like a good team and I can't wait to see this story progressing!

I've never really read a Green Day fic before but since I like NML and Audrey's Perpetual Guilt I figured I should give this a look in.
I was a little wary of it at first when I read the summary, thinking the story could turn into one of those cliche stories, but because you've given the OC an actual good reason for being there and you've described her well I now think that won't be happening.
Plus there's the fact that I know you both to be good writers so I was pretty sure you wouldn't be pulling out some horribly fangirl-ish Mary Sue story.

I think the ending was written really well, how you could know exactly what was going on yet you didn't feel the need to describe every detail.
You also write Tre well, though like I said before, I haven't read much Green Day before.

I'm definately subscribing. :]

Wow, this is wonderful. I love the descriptions of the OC, you've put in heaps, but you've done it really subtley.

"It was all very romantic."
:tehe: That made me giggle.

Tre's character is also well done. He's not too over-the-top (which happens a lot in fics :/), and he's not a complete idiot (also happens a lot :XD).

I'm in love with story, and i can't wait for the next chapter.

I love the details they make me shiver with delight xD haha, they do! Well anyway, I can't really write a long fancy comment like the ones before me, but I can say that I', enjoying this story very much! :)

Oh I see a few similarities with NML. She really was quite capable of acting like a five-year-old when the situation called for it. And the bright red hair. They don't really bother me.

I like the way you avoid giving a whole ton of information about this girl. Long winded character descriptions have the tendency to make me go *headdesk*. Show me, don't tell me!

The other high point was Tre touring as a fill-in drummer. You know what sucks? A story where a really famous band suddenly and randomly decides to invite little old unknowns on tour with them. (Not a jab at NML by the way, they aren't piddly little nobodies.)

I don't love the ending, not the line - Tre's reaction was great actually - but the OC's arrival in Tre's room. I can easily be convinced, I guess I just want to know why she did it. It wasn't convincing, but I daresay more will be revealed soon.

I'll also say I am really looking forward to seeing the combined genius of you and Audrey_T. It'll be great.

“What is your problem?” she asked of him, once. It was cold outside, the late-winter night lending a chill to their skin even under their layers of clothing. Steam rose from her mouth and unnoticed spit flew from between her teeth, and her eyes were suddenly narrowed; devoid of that glimmer that he’d come to be so fond of. The smoke from the lit cigarette wedged between her fingers rose up at him and made his eyes water even more than the cold air did. “What’re you, after me or something?”

I really like that paragraph because of the details.

This is interesting, I can't wait to see what happens.

I loved this story so much.

Most of what happened after that point was to be reflected upon later as only scattered glimpses of clothing being shed and a door slamming shut behind her, muffled laughs and giggles falling against fabric being pulled over heads and mouths, and his back hitting a wall.

That was my favorite part. It was so beautifully described without getting bogged down in details. Wait, I have another favorite part...

There was something special about her hair…but only when she was onstage. When she was there, awash in her band’s music and thrashing about with her guitar, it caught in the light and it changed. It changed her. The purple floodlights made the thick dreadlocks glow, and the orange only seemed to catch on them as an outline, leaving the centers of each dreadlock red but giving them a fiery orange edge. When she spun around—a reoccurring move, on her part—they flew around with her, spreading apart and catching that light, a splintering halo of delightful color and texture.

I LOVE that description. I love how it describes her onstage and how Tre is entranced by her.

Srsly, though. Great story. I can't wait for more.

What a pedophile!

“Your hair…well, it’s kind of a whore,” he broke it to her one morning, over a breakfast of pancakes at some diner in Indiana. “I think it sees other men on the side.”

That made me laugh really hard. I'm not sure if it was Tre's quote, or the fact that they're eating pancakes in Indiana (I'm imaging Waffle House, and that's just really funny).

I also like that we know pretty much what this girl looks like, and the fact that she has a tongue piercing, yet we don't know her name. It makes it seem like it's "just a fling" thing.

Very funny. I can't wait to see how it turns out.