Run-on-Rain - Comments

Oh my dear lord, Isa. You're a brilliant author, you know that? I felt like I was watching a movie rather than reading a story. You're so descriptive and it just like, captivates peoples attention and it holds them until the very end and to be honest, I wish this wasn't a one-shot because I'm really aching to see what would / could happen next.

I'm currently frustrated and pissed off, hopefully this won't affect the review and if it does then I'll come back and do this again at a later date. Anyway. First time I read this, I was really taken aback. You've got such a unique style and it really shows throughout this piece in particular.

I loved how Adam and Kris were nameless and their names were just letters, in comparison to all the other characters (Allison, Scott, Danny, ect) who were all named. It adds a little bit to the mystery of the piece and I think it also helps the piece to flow better.

I liked how the rules were instantly bent for Adam. A is like nothing they’ve ever encountered on that show so when he asks pretty please It's almost as if the security are in awe of being in his company, and they don't mind pulling a few strings in order for Adam to get what he wants. He's like something out of this world and he comes across as one of those people who always get what they want and they don't even have to try for it (I hope that made sense).

I can just imagine him doing that look here that he did in that video that you sent me (the one at like, 2:58 that turned me to mush!) it’s not as if anyone can say no to those kohl-rimmed eyes. It's almost as if whoever he looks at with those puppy-dog eyes are put under a spell and will bend over backwards to accomodate him. It's kinda funny and really sweet.

I like how Kris has no say in the matter! A circles his wrist and smiles at him and it’s a request to come, come with me just a moment alone you and me together He wants a moment with Kris, just the pair of them together without the rest of the group being able to see what's going on. And I like how this is worded as thoughts, or possibly Adam quietly asking Kris to come with him, and giving him one of those puppy-dog looks. The way it was worded was spot on.

I really like the little details. bathed in A's taller shadow I like the little bits like this, where small things like this are described. I can really picture this scene well and it's like Kris is standing so close to Adam that they're pretty much touching.

This made me smile. A just pulls out a smirk and an I didn’t know you were such a potty mouth, K It's just playful banter between two friends, and I like how it's written. They just seem so much at ease with each other, happy with one another's company and the conversation is just relaxed and easy-going. It's nice to read little moments like this, it makes the characters seem so real.

This line made me giggle. there wasn’t anyone to talk to while A wore his concentration face I absolutely love how light-hearted this piece is, it's such a pleasure to read. I love how you described Adam here, it's like there's nothing else in the world going on whilst Adam is looking at jackets and clothes, it's just sheer concentration for him and I think that although it must be a little bit boring for Kris, he doesn't mind too much because he's in Adam's company.

I liked how Kris is really apart from Adam here. K stands around with his hands at the bottom of his pockets watching A flirt with the guy looping a scarf around his neck Kris is sort of stood awkwardly, hands in pockets, and not quite knowing what to do, whilst Adam is just having a laugh and it's almost like Adam has forgotten about Kris in his excitement to buy clothes and such. Like mentioned earlier - Adam's basically in his own world when it comes to shopping and Kris feels left out because Adam's not really paying attention to him.

And then it's suddenly kind of sad from the sudden happy bit. K seethes, just a little, not knowing why but not stopping himself from speaking out Kris is feeling jealous of the attention that Adam is giving the shop assistant, and is feeling sad that Adam has paid him no attention, when he'd asked him to come along with him back to the shops.

A change of mood is a change in weather. It’s not so sunny anymore outside, kind of murky The weather is symbolic of their mood. It was sunny when they first left, and as things seem to get a little bit worse between them (Adam not really paying attention to Kris), it starts to get a little bit murkier which reflects the mood between the two of them.

And suddenly the mood just changes instantly and things are all okay again. and soon the conversation’s flowing as if it had never been dammed up with his jealousy I like how you're able to do that - instantly change the mood from paragraph to paragraph - and it shows that Kris isn't a person to hold a grudge and he feels a little bit bad for being jealous of Adam, because he apologised for not paying him any attention. It's like nothing bad had happened between them.

I absolutely loved this little bit. he turns and sees him wrapping up his paper shopping bag in the coat he currently has on and it’s so ridiculous and so A that he laughs and forgets he should be running at all. It was funny and cute to see that Adam is more bothered about his new clothes getting wet than him getting wet, and it's sweet that Kris describes this as "so Adam" and he stops running too, maybe to wait for him or maybe because he's laughing too much.

This description of Adam was just spot on. A glows like a flickering desert lamplight as if he contained enough sunshine for them both It's like Adam is the sunshine in all the rain, and Kris half-expects there to be a rainbow somewhere because Adam is just so bright.

And it's sweet that they embrace and just sort of stay there. K would have been perfectly content to stay there It's all fluffy and sweet, and it's one of those classic "aww" moments, those moments where you just want to stand there and just hold somebody, no matter what. And Kris just wants to hold Adam forever, because he fits just right. It doesn't matter that it's raining and they might catch something, he doesn't care about anything but Adam right now.

Their entrance back to the mansion was perfect. When they stumble into the mansion dripping pools on the carpet Matt bursts into hysterics I like how you went into detail about the other contestant's reactions to the fact they're like drowned rats from being in the rain that long, it was interesting to look at the story from their points of view, and see their take on Adam & Kris coming back dripping wet.

I liked the awkwardness of this, and it frustrates me a little bit but I love scenes like this. A leans over to him like he’s going to kiss him, and it comes so close to that so close and K nearly closes his eyes but it’s not the time, maybe not now not yet—not ever? I always love it when people are so close to kissing, but they don't quite get there. And it frustrates me so much, but I absolutely love it at the same time. :tehe: And there's just so much disappointment in Kris and he asks himself whether it ever will happen. It's like he's resigned to the fact that it's never going to happen, and he's just accepted it. But he still wants it.

I loved the ending so much. It leaves it so open-ended, and I adore open ends, they're my absolute favourite type of ending because it lets the reader make their own mind up.

I loved this, and I love you.

:arms:

I love this, it's so unusual I love how the sentences flow effortlessly- if I tried using run-on sentences, I'd make a right hash of it, but you did it wonderfully. They way you did it made it all sound so natural and melifluous, and I couldn't stop myself reading until the very end.

I can't remember what I wrote in my original comment, something about praising your arse off?
I dunno, but to be honest, I HAD to make sure I commented this. It's sooo unique and soooo out there and I cannot wait to give you a really fat review sometime this week :crazy:
BECAUSE I HAZ NO MORE SCHOOOOL <3

Love you Isa, you word genius :arms: