November 28th, 2009 at 05:03am
Okay, I'm not in a reviewy mood, but I loved this and I have one thing to say:
Why would you need my 'talent' when you have mad skillz of your own? :coffee:
Mirrors - Comments
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July 28th, 2009 at 08:20pm
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wow. I loved it. It really tells the inside story of an anorexic (not that I would know. lol) ut it's greatJuly 12th, 2009 at 11:39pm
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For The Story Review Game
Mirrors didn’t lie to her.
This definitely caught my attention first being the first line. It deffinetely here told me to keep going. Also it told me what this story was going to be about.
They whispered to her, slithering around in her brain, slipping and sliding into the deepest niches of her soul, comforting her.
I love the use of personification here. Making the mirrors more like humans. Personification were always my favorite in stories because it adds imagery making the story more or less poetic.
That idea of perfection, that seemingly unattainable stretch that would finally make her happy, that dream she held onto even at her worst times, even when she was so feeble and fragile she felt ready to give up – that desire burned in her and rejuvenated her, bringing her back to life
This line was really intense. And my favorite in the whole entire story.
Over all this was a great story and I really enjoyed it. You are a talented writer.July 12th, 2009 at 11:25pm -
This was beautifully written. You did a fantastic job with the imagery and your word choice was perfect.
You did a wonderful job!July 11th, 2009 at 12:55am -
To start, I really enjoyed the subject of this piece. It's very touchy to some, and I think you pulled it off quite well. The presence of the mirrors, to me, felt like an extension of Cassie's personality, or more specifically her self consciousness. It's almost as if the mirror was another side of her; it came off as though she had a split personality. This, I thought was very clever. It sort of catapults the struggle that real people have with this kind of problem.
I love how the mirrors were given a tinge of nastiness to them, a little hiss. The first paragraph, Why would mirrors lie to her? All they could do was reflect her image... gave me the impression that they were much like private school girls, very sweet on the outside, but lying almost constantly. The school girl bit was good, as was the fact that they whispered.
This paragraph, They whispered to her, slithering around in her brain... really launched the self destructive mood of the story. This line in particular: They offered this doting attention to her like one would offer precious jewels and fur to any greedy society-climbing lady – and similarly as one would expect, Cassie grabbed at it desperately. That is by far my most favorite line out of the whole thing. I love how you bridged a relationship between Cassie's eating disorder and social status.
You were very poised in your choice of words. I was happy to see you didn't go overboard with the diction in your descriptions; it would have been very, very tacky considering the focus of the story. I'm not a fan of dramatic words in stories that are not fantastical. Understanding descriptive material, this line was one of my favorites:
They saw a half-starved girl, all bones bones bones with skin stretched over in a taut, aching way to look at, skin so pale and translucent that green veins were as visible as neon rivers snaking under her skin.
"bones bones bones" I liked very much. It gave me a vision of how unhealthy she really looked without having to actually tell me. Very good imagery, nicely used.
Don't think of this as a problem, because it might be just me, but what do you mean by green veins?
I also really liked the short sentences in between paragraphs. The Mirrors... sentences. It put off this very child like tone, as if Cassie was in such denial that she couldn't comprehend how they could ever hurt her.
The very last paragraph was awesome. The behavior of the mirror and Cassie's anxious demeanor tells the reader how on the inside she knows the mirror is lying to her. She is made me think that the reflection she thinks she's seeing is what the mirror is referring to, and she knows it.
All in all, I didn't see too much wrong with this story. No major grammatical errors, no over load on descriptive words, not too episodic. It was very nice, as a whole. (: You have a LOT of potential and I predict you'll be producing a lot of great pieces.June 26th, 2009 at 09:54pm -
It's amazing how you really grasped the inner battle of what she was feeling, how she saw herself as fat when in reality she wasn't.
Your descriptions were great too, and I like how you talked about the mirror never lying because all it could do was reflect. (:June 26th, 2009 at 06:34pm -
wow.
ilovethis !! :]
it's amazing!June 24th, 2009 at 04:04am
I really liked it.