The Satis House - Comments

This... was so amazing. Vonn. Like, I can't even say. Just, bravo.

I. Love. This.
Like its so awesome if it was a person I'd marry it.
Is there anyway this could get a sequel and carry on the awesomeness?? Hint hint *puppydog eyes*
also Triliie and Frerard made up for Peres death :3
So yea this was amazing and I hope it becomes sequeled?

Amazing. Simply... Enthralling. It brought tears to my eyes, a smile to my face, and Frerard to my brain. :D I loved the tidbit of Frerard in there :) and the way you described kissing Tre... Just woa. This whole story was pretty woa. Amazing job :) <3

Wowowowowowow!
Gimmeh more!
I love it.
I actually want to marry it!
More soon?
Pleeaassee...

I adore the plot of this story.

I’m not going to quote a whole heap of lines or anything, because it was long and there were a lot of parts I liked. But I’ll tell you that I love how you’re able to weave in subplots and give some indication as to the characters backgrounds without it coming across as irrelevant. And it’s subtle too.

Like with Tre. Given his eventual relationship with Billie, it appears that his standoffish nature, not to mention his initial homophobic comments, are the result of his father and how he was raised. He was mad at Gerard and Frank, and maybe scared of their relationship, because he’d been taught that it wasn’t right. And because his father had taught him everything, he was inclined to believe that homosexuality was wrong. But I like how it isn’t delved into too deeply. It’s shown briefly in his words and actions...not to mention that he was crying too which indicates that he’d kept his emotions bottled up and masked by anger.

And even though he wasn’t an actual character, I was interested in Mikey’s story and why he committed suicide. I get the impression that Mikey leaving him, as Gerard said, made Gerard feel as though he wasn’t worth anything, almost like Mikey didn’t love him enough to stick around. I’m thinking he probably has abandonment issues now...seeing how he tried to leave before anyone else could. Oh, and the part where he was explaining this after attempting to escape via the tree made me tear up.

but anyway, uhm, he said he’s been diagnosed with manic depression and he has no idea why he’s here but Frank says he’s been diagnosed with manic depression and he’s on his way to becoming a meth addict. < Not sure if the repetition there was intended, but it sounded a bit off to me given that Ray says he’s been diagnosed, but then has no idea why he’s there and Frank’s providing the answers.

This pissed Ray off, and he went on what was clearly a meth-fueled rage I’m picky, I know, but this sounded more...formal? than the previous dialogue. But I do like your dialogue. In some places it implies rather than states, and I like that. I mean, given the situation here, they aren’t going to say exactly what they mean all the time, you know? They’re in a place they’ve never been in before, so they’re likely to be guarded.

Ray’s story interested me too. :think: There’s not a lot of focus on him...Pete neither, until the end. I’m not sure what to make of that to be honest. On the one hand, more of the focus was on Billie and Gerard to begin with and it seemed like a bit of a shift, but then on the other hand, it wasn’t exactly expected...even though there were the warning signs...the voices and how emotionally fragile he appeared. That was a good thing really, it wasn’t predictable. Everyone’s reactions just showed how close the group had become. I like that. It’s just like a family. And...I think the fact that his funeral was so small was sad...but it was an indicator of how lonely he was before the Satis House and, again, how close they were (and the group hug later with Gerard showed it too). But I’m guessing that the voices finally got to him. The funeral definitely made me tear up...my vision became blurred.

Without another word, Billie leaned over, picked Pete up wedding style, and strode back to the house. Super picky, but I think the word 'picked' makes it sound easy...I think something more like 'heaved' would work better here, given that he probably had some difficulty with moving him.

I really loved how you characterised everyone too. They all had distinct personalities and character traits. And the relationships melded into the story well. They didn’t feel out of place...just something that would happen naturally because of the situation. With Tre, it was coming to terms with a part of himself and for Billie, I think it was after spending all that time with him, he’d grown an attachment. And for Gerard and Frank...it’d been there before. I think it was Billie who saw love on Frank’s face? That was cute really. Beforehand Frank just seemed like some crazy little guy who was kinda casual about everything, but that showed another side to him.

I like stories that end with dialogue. Not sure what it is about it, I just do. And it seemed like they’re determined to move forward and make sure that the house isn’t kept in sadness. While they don’t want to forget Pete (they can’t forget him, like Ray said), they don’t want to wallow either, otherwise the others probably won’t make any progress.

This was really something, Vonn. It felt real. Like I said, I just love how you manage to interweave all these different stories and characters.

I told you I’d give you a real comment. Just be patient.

Vonn, I listened to you talk, rant, critique and rave about this story for weeks on end and I swear I was more excited to read it than you were to post it. I love stories like this. Big house, with a mixture of all the beautifuls and heroes.
It reminded me of the hospital in Impulse. I was thinking about it earlier today too, because it reminded me of someplace else as well, the house in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I know how much time and work you put into this, and I’m so proud of you and happy for you because this really is one of the best things I’ve ever read. This one just blows me away because you put in so many characters, with so many story lines and backgrounds and you made it work and damn you did it beautifully.
By the way, when I heard the title I was insanely jealous, and just like stunned. I never would have thought of that, it’s serious brilliant, and I admire it. :cute:

The beginning is excellent, and the details about the outside of the house and the corner stone make it easy to visualize, this sentence right here is lovely, The building looming up ahead didn’t exactly look inviting - red brick, overgrown green ivy twisting over the dark windows - but as soon as his eyes traveled over it, he felt at peace.

The Satis House, Est. 1932.
This is totally irrelevant, but my house was built in 1932. :tehe:

“Trick, on with it.”
I love how Billie calles Patrick, ‘Trick.’ It is absolutely adorable and I grin like a loser when I read it. And near the end when Mike calls him that too. It warms my heart.

When Patrick’s describing Gee, Frank, Ray, Tre and Pete I was completely drawn into the story. Their introductions were spectacular and Patrick’s descriptions are both explanatory and hilarious.
i.e. “Next kid’s either an alcoholic, a vampire, or both., He’s tiny, looks like a fairy.

Just the way Patrick talks, it intrigues me. Plus I really like the references to other band members in stories. Like the reference to Gabe.

I won’t do too much direct quotes from the story because it was so long, but each story touched me and I feel for each one of them

The new group’s first few weeks at Satis was intense - in between dealing with each of their respective withdrawal symptoms, the house was populated with lots and lots of noises, none of them very good - screams, sobbing, vomit hitting the bottom of a bucket or just splattering the floor, constant flushing of the toilet, angry yells and demands for many different things - pot, booze, coke, pills, razors - Mike, Billie, and Patrick ended up forgoing their scheduled shifts and just staying at Satis constantly, comforting the new boys when they cried at night, rubbing their backs as they evacuated their insides, restraining them during violent rages, and making sure no one got out.

That paragraph is especially well written, detailed and even though the things that are happening in it are not that pleasant, or better put, almost the most terrible part of their stay at Satis, it just stuck in my mind.

Gerard’s character was my favorite. He’s just so vulnerable and he tries to be tough, hard and not feeling. His story breaks my heart. Just Mikey Poor Gee. I hate when he has to hurt, but you did such a good job of portraying his emotions and his feelings it makes it okay.
He had jumped out his two story window onto the thin branch of a tree, apparently thinking he could somehow shimmy down the tree to safety.
I can totally see that. :XD And as much as Gee falling out of a tree is terrible and sad, it’s a funny image to visualize.
When he brakes and starts to open up I just loose it myself.
It was as if Gerard was a wax man and Frank was a flame, the way he dissolved into tears. Billie sensed that these were years of tears and pain built up inside him that was finally being released, and not a moment too soon. Frank hesitated for the first time before putting his arm across Gerard’s shoulders, not sure of what he would do - but as soon as Gerard kept sobbing and fell into Frank’s embrace, Billie caught the flicker of something suspiciously like love on Frank’s face.
It’s melancholy, and just gah pulls at my heart, but the fact that you fit some Ferard in there made me happy. :inlove: :tehe:

Frank really is a fucking saint.

Ray’s character fascinated me, just because he was mysterious in a way. Confused. His part never has to be big or striking, but just the fact that he’s there always comforts me.

Tre reminds me of the dad in American Beauty. Him and Billie together though
This paragraph is my favorite one about the two of them:
Kissing Tre was like a thorny rose; beautiful, soft, meaningful - but there was an undertone of something bad in the way their lips crashed together again and again, and before Billie totally floated away in pleasure, he realized that it was the tears streaming down Tre’s face.
God Vonn! You’re descriptions are captivating, I am so loving them.

Pete, just oh Pete. Where do I begin with him? Schizophrenia enthralls me, and scares me to death at the same time. Pete was the best candidate for it. Reading it and re-reading brings tears to my eyes again.

I’m glad you put that ending on it, it closed it well and I’m so happy that they all laughed.

Frank tripped over his own feet on his way to the kitchen and everyone laughed together for the first time since before Pete left, laughed until tears fell from their eyes just because it felt so good to smile.



Vonn, I said it earlier and I’ll say it again, I love this story. It’s beautiful.
<3

wow... this is amazing :D

this story is amazing!
loved it! cant wait for more! :)