Dawn - Comments

I cried I love it keep writing

That was so sad, so beautiful, that it brought me very close to tears. It was heartwrenching, but it was also very poetic. I think the way Sam died, by pushing Rose out of the way of a car, was very cliche, but you switched it up by the way you ended it.
Wonderful, wonderful story!

I’ll be commenting this as I read.

“Warm crimson liquid sprayed onto her pale face”

I love the description in this paragraph, but this is my favorite line, it’s such a great contrast between the ‘crimson liquid’ and her ‘pale face’. And I can just picture it perfectly.

This is so sad so far, it seems very real. The thoughts going though her head are very realistic to someone in her situation.

“How could she not cry when he was leaving her? How could she possibly cease her weeping when she knew he would not return to her?”

That’s so heart breaking, it gave me that pain you get in your heart when you read something heart wrenching.

“The words were slightly blurry but she could read them.

The dreaded words---Smile for me...”

I know I keep quoting things but there are a lot of amazing quotes in this. That just made me start to cry, it’s so sad. = (

“A lone tear escaped her eye when her felt his hand left her cheek,”

The second her should be changed to “she”. Also it should be either “when she felt his hand had left her cheek” or “when she felt his hand leave her cheek.”

“And yet, Sam gave her strength to live, to continue her life until it was completed, because Rose believed that perhaps someday, she would reunion with her perfect lover who was waiting, and watching over her...”

I really like this paragraph but I feel like it could be broken up into separate sentences. Its just that its kind of a run on sentence. Also it should be “she would reunite with her perfect lover”

Other than that it was a very nice ending to a very sad but well written story. The emotion in this was raw and I felt like I could feel the pain she was going through. It was very sad to and I cried a bit. You did a very nice job with this. The description was amazing and the story was almost beautiful. Like it was sad but you knew that they would someday be together again.

This is completly epic!.
It was so sad, and how he wrote smile for me, on the ground. I had tears in my eyes!
This is so sad but very well written (:
well done !

That was good. x] I especially loved your last sentences; you ended it well.
You've got a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but it's all good.

And, your new layout's really illegible; change the background to black, please?

Other than that, great job! :]

I loved how the whole time, Sam was worrying over her.
It just made it that much better.
Good luck!

*Sobs* That was so beautiful. I was smiling a sad happy smile through the whole thing (if that makes sense.)

Oh my god. Wow. This is a masterpiece. The song was especially helpful. Usually if I listen to songs while reading I get easily distracted, but not with this story. I was truly engulfed in it's words. And man, you were right, listening to the song was really worth it. When it reached the climax of the story, so did the song.

When the story said, "Smile for me..." I swear, I lost it then and there. I started crying my eyes out. It scared me because I don't usually cry - at least I try not to - but I couldn't help it. It's perfect. MY ALL TIME FAVORITE. And I'm not kidding.

OH. MY. GOD.
I loved it.
It had me hooked and just like everyone else, tears were forming.
The song just went with it perfectly and I finished the story
just as the song was ending.
You are an amazing writer, and this story shows it.
It's okay that the song wasn't attached, as long as there was one.
Good luck!

Banshee_:

*Jaw hits the ground* That was beautiful, seriously close to tears right now!

xo

Totally agree that was amazing!
-aplause-

I'm seriously close to tears too right now.
=]

*Jaw hits the ground* That was beautiful, seriously close to tears right now!

xo