July 8th, 2009 at 01:59am
“She cried for the victims, she cried for the blood, she cried for herself.”
That was only one of my favorite lines in this story. It was a great way to end the first paragraph and it added suspense.
I loved this, I’m so glad I got to read this. Thanks again for entering. :mrgreen:
And I agree with The.Need., you set the scene very well.
its so scary, and so much suspense
gah, given me the creeps
hope you win!
PS. No meaning to be rude at all but I picked up a few grammatical errors:
- because he wore like a character form
should it be 'because he wore something like a character from
- murderer’s shoulder.
- into Bob’s chest
- in similar way - it could be 'similar ways' or 'in a similar way'
- we’ll would'vestay together - take away the would've