Hidden Within - Comments

I loved it! It was great!

This was more than worth the wait for Love :)

Firstly, I would like to point out that I know I suck with commenting on this so late. And when I mean "late," I mean late. I am, however, hoping to make this comment super, super long to make up for that, and I am still really stoked to read this update.

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Alrighty. So, I know I sound like a broken record when I say this, but you convey emotion in your writing so goddamn well! Already, as I'm reading the first several paragraphs, I can feel exactly what Lana's feeling; my stomach's gettin' all weird 'cause I'm getting nervous right along with her, which actually hasn't happened for me before. Haha. Just figured that I’d throw that out there for ya!

“Not something a girl can easily forget. Your own father doesn’t think you can get a date on your own without tricking her into it; that says a lot.”

I’m not going to lie when I say that I ended up busting out laughing when I read that. I’d almost forgotten about that! Gah, you have the ability to add humor into your stories, which is something that I especially envy you for. I’m not a funny person, so I don’t know how to transfer it over to my writing much, either. You, however, always seem to execute humor quite well, and end up makin’ me laugh. Like that thing in STD that ya had me read over with Johnny saying something about Disneyland! Hahaha.

I shall get back to this, now, though, I promise.

Ahh! And the imagery you put inside my head is amazing! Like when Brian was all, “Mom,” wanting Suzy to stop talking when she said he talked about Lana every day, I could totally see Little Brian do that with a groan in his voice, and even a bit of a blush goin’ on. And her following statement was such a mom thing to say, too. Haha. I also really enjoyed how Brian senior was asking Lana how his son got a girl like her to go out with him; it made me giggle, and it’s something that I can totally see him saying.

GAH, BUT AS I’M READING EVEN FURTHER (I’m doing the majority of this as I read, in case you haven’t been able to tell thus far), I’M LAUGHING MORE AND MORE. AND THE “PICTURES,” IF YOU WILL, ARE GETTING MORE AND MORE VIVID! I LOVE THIS. SOSOSO MUCH.

The baby pictures and the photo of when he was five definitely made me laugh more than I have all day; I could totally see them in my head, the classic bathtub one, especially. I can see his parents doing that to him, too, the poor boy. XD

Alrighty! Now they’re at the movies, and they’ve just interacted with Cole and Sandi’s friend Gaby. I think that their dialogue was good, just as it always is, and it all flowed very nicely. I also liked how Lana kinda had to take initiative and call Brian “sweetie,” versus him doing that. I don’t know why I like it, really, but I just do. Haha. Also, I am very glad that they’re going to see Twister, instead of Romeo + Juliet, ‘cause…well…I don’t have a reason for that one either, other than the fact that I don’t care for chick-flicks much, and it seems more of a fake-double-date-friendly movie. Haha.

And I loved, loved, loved how nice Brian and Lana were to each other in this update. It was cute, but at the same time, it didn’t seem out of character for them. It seemed kinda like they were supposed to be all cute and (somewhat) awkward on this date, though I’m sure it’s only going to last for the night. I bet when school rolls around again, things’ll go back to how they were before. Maybe not as bad, but not as friendly, I don’t think. Of course, this is just a prediction I’m making, and I am really lookin’ forward to see what you’re actually gonna end up doin’, when it comes time to update this again. (:

He doesn’t move though. He just stands there, and I bite my lip. Maybe I’m supposed to move first? Maybe I’m in his way or something. I start to move out of the way, but he stops me, gently placing his hand on my arm. I look up at him and my eyes lock onto his. He places his hand on my cheek and lightly brushes his thumb over my skin. My heart beats a little faster in my chest, and he slowly dips his head in. His lips brush up against my cheek and he slowly pulls away.

Ahhhh! That is just sosososososososo cute, Angel! Oh my god! And…she didn’t flinch! She didn’t flinch! She didn’t recoil like he’d burned her, she didn’t do that ever-so-awkward step-back thing, or anything else—she just…she just let him kiss her.

Alrighty. So…this update has made me all smiley, and has totally renewed my already very strong love for this story. I enjoyed this update immensely, and I’m really lookin’ forward to more, when you get around to it. Your writing—all of it—is so amazing, and you’re so talented, so I know anything you do is gonna be good. <3

I loved that chapter and I loved that they weren't mean to each other!
They were so cute together! I can't wait for more!!

I totally loved this chapter. I hope she gives him a chance and sees that he actually likes her. I have a feeling that the whole 'fake' date was all a set-up to get them together... and i hope it works!

Aww. I loved their adorable double date.

Angel, I loved the update. They are so cute together, and you can totally tell that Brian really likes her but he is just being that guy who picks on his crush because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

Like you said, I thought that they would be meaner to each other, but I agree, I think it works...perhaps better than them being meaner would have. This gives the ability for them to progress into 'friends' and so on. I really like them together and I love her nickname for him. Sunshine and Superman. sounds like a comic book couple. hehe. but really I think the nicknames fit.

The scene with her meeting his family was great, especially the part about the baby pictures, that is a classic move from the parents. And the scene where they were throwing the popcorn into their mouths and then at the lovebirds was a nice touch. It shows the Brian and Lana that could be possible, getting along and being cutesy.

And in the car when he told her she was pretty on the ride home made me melt. Brian won some brownie points for that one. Also with how concerned he is with her eating. He pays attention and is very observant...a good quality to have with Lana, a person who rarely discloses anything that is going on with herself.

Finally, the kiss on the cheek he gave her at the end sealed the deal on the chapter and the date. Perfect ending. I am really looking forward to reading more and I can't wait to see where you take this next. I really like the characters and the plot.

Great job, as always. ;D

COMMENT!!! =D

wow i really like this - like ALOT! i wanna know what happens wit her and her cousin and brian like now! i really want to know how this is all going to unfold! please update soon!!

I loved the update, it's great to see that thair 'fake' date went well, Brian was so sweet :)
I can't wait to read what's going to happen went they go to school... Will Brian still act nice towards Lana?... Let's just hope Lana will finally acknowledge Brian as her friend :)
Loved it, and I hope you'll get to update soon

I loved this! It's probably my favourite chapter so far!

I love the way you're so subtle in the way Brian cares about her, so that the Lana is oblivious about it. It's really hard to do that so great job! :D

They were so sweet, I really hope their relationship gets better! And Lana seemed to be a bit more confident :)

I can't wait for more!

that was really great

more soon?

This story is amazing!!! your writing is awesome and it's an interesting storyline....hope you update soon!!!!!!

ahhhh you dont know how much i missed this story!a
awww theyre so cute togethe! xD
Brian soooooo likes her!
More soon!

This is the best thing ever...and how true! I really love this story. Can't wait to see how their next encounter will be.

She and Zacky are locking lips and believe me when I say that it is not something that I wanna see. It looks like they’re trying to eat each other’s faces off. I wonder if they would still kiss like that if they knew how it looks… Because I’m pretty sure that I would never kiss my boyfriend ever again if I knew we looked like that.

you already know what i think of the chapter <3. im excited for this story though. I kinda cant wait to see brian help Lana heal.

Oh my god!
I absolutely LOVE it!
I cannot WAIT to read the next chapter!!
HURRY UP ND UPDATE!!

Sorry it’s taken me so long to comment, Ang! But, as promised, this comment shall be worth the wait to make up for it. At least, that’s my intention. Haha.

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Ooh, Brian kissed Lana on the cheek! And she liked it! Haha. But I love that Brian did that, even if I might have been for show, and I love it even more that she kinda liked it. We can’t blame her for that though. Haha.

The conversation with Sandi and her mom went really well! I know that you were having issues with it when you were writin’ it, but you did very well in the end, dear. It flowed very nicely, but it also had that bit of awkwardness that made it seem natural, especially since Lana doesn’t really like talkin’ about this type of stuff. Haha. But I felt so bad for her when Sandi was askin’ all those questions! I’d’ve been embarrassed talking about that type of stuff.

But good lord, Angel! That dream was so scary! I wanna punch Craig in the face and then throw his unconscious body into a wood chipper! But I think you already knew that. Haha.

And you also know that I was laughing pretty hard with that whole Valley Girl bit with Kris. Haha. That was like, totally epic! I was like, totally like, laughing like, super hard the whole time! For sure! Like, completely and without a doubt. Hahaha.

Okay, okay, I shall stop now. Haha.

The outfit that your friend made was super cute! Lana looked really cute in it in my head. Haha. I’m really excited to see how this date is going to go and I loved how sweet Brian was when he picked her up! I’m also really lookin’ forward to see how Brian’s parents are going to react to Lana; I know that they’ll like her, but I’m curious to see how that’s gonna go. Haha. Great job, hon! Keep it up! :)

I love it when you update Angie. It's like christmas all over again! Haha. Extra long updates are always big winners to me. Especially when they have cute little cliffhangers like what you've just done. Keepin' me on my toes.

I really enjoyed that chapter, just the whole getting ready for the first date process was really cute. Also I really, really liked the interactions between her and her sister. I only have two brothers so it was nice to see what it could be like if I had a sister. :)

Lovely. Keep it up angel!

I just started reading this, but I can't cross you off my list yet cause I love ya and I love this so far.