July 24th, 2009 at 12:42am
I like how you set the scene and how you can tell there's a note of desperation in it. And I like the underlying tone of urgency, of how he needs it and how he feels that he's been waiting too long for what he wants, being king and all. -chapter one.
I liked this one, too. It's like..a more complicated version of Romeo and Juliet. Because in Romeo and Juliet they have each other, whereas in your drabble all he can do is dream of being with the woman he solely desires. And I really like your descriptions that you use, too. - Chapter two.
Sweat beams formed on his forehead. I may be mistaken, but I think..did you mean for 'beams' to be 'beads'? anyway, I once again praise your ability to be able to correctly describe the happening scene and make someone feel like they're peeping in through a window and seeing it with their very own eyes. I also like how distressed you made Charles to be. It's very real to how someone would be if they were confused about their sexuality as he very so seems to be.
I'm sorry the review is so short, but they're three simple drabbles and in my opinion, it's quite hard to review drabbles. :shifty
If you're not satisfied, I'll review the other story as well...
I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it and letting you know what I think.
But yes, I found nothing really to correct. Except that I would've liked it to be much longer, and much more descriptive.