I just wrote a long review, and KABAM! It's dissapeared omgno:
I really like the opening, you show us a lot about Ryan, although you were discussing the situation with his dad.
They'd get into the car and start the engine. Then reality would crash upon them. I really liked those two lines. Really effective.
I really like the way you write - you keep each sentence and paragraph really short, and straight to the point. It's really good in keeping the attention, and easy on the eye :cute: It also leaves the reader their own description of the scene.
The italics helps with what I said as well. You could go into a looong paragraph describing the scene, but you don't. You take us there, put us in the mind of the character almost as if he's thinking it over.
Such a sad ending Sorry this is crap feedback, but I'm all reviewed out as I had to re-write this :grr:
I really like the opening, you show us a lot about Ryan, although you were discussing the situation with his dad.
They'd get into the car and start the engine. Then reality would crash upon them. I really liked those two lines. Really effective.
I really like the way you write - you keep each sentence and paragraph really short, and straight to the point. It's really good in keeping the attention, and easy on the eye :cute: It also leaves the reader their own description of the scene.
The italics helps with what I said as well. You could go into a looong paragraph describing the scene, but you don't. You take us there, put us in the mind of the character almost as if he's thinking it over.
Such a sad ending
Sorry this is crap feedback, but I'm all reviewed out as I had to re-write this :grr: