Chasing Chaos - Comments

I don't think there are even words to describe how good this is, or how much I adore it.
You're breaking my heart, slowly, and I love it haha.
I'm happy that you've shown that everyones grown up somewhat through Toms actions when he finds out about Sav and Oli. I'm kinda hoping that the same can be said for Oli now.
And the reason Tom hit Oliver, FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. It was totally unexpected. I mean, I knew that he loved her but to admit it....that was something else.
Like I said, you're breaking my heart, and it's pretty much 2005's doing. Jeeeeez. It's so sad.
They both know that it's wrong to feel the way they do, and they're both so petrified of not only getting hurt, but more so of hurting eachother, that this seems like its gonna be the only time they truely let themselves go. Regardless of everything that's going on around.
The whole things only made more heartbreaking by the fact that we know the end is soon.
I know this is another disjointed, jumbled comment, but I always find it so hard to tell you of my favourite bits and how much I love it, because it's hard to pinpoint dude. I adore it. It's that simple I guess.
x

PS. Consider your challenge accepted. I've got a contest one-shot to write :)

wow wow wow. i don't know which part was better; 09 or 05.
but i'll probably favor 05 because it totally melted my heart and made it ache all at once. so much of what's happening in this is happening to me right now so it's really striking a chord.
can't wait for an update

Wow. I don't know if I've mentioned recently how much I love this story.... but I really do.
You are seriously an amazing author. The way you wrote these last two chapters, the way the past and the present are starting to combine... I love it.

I'm happy that 05 Tom and Sav made up. Although I can see why Savanna feels like he should've said something earlier. I would still be hurt if I were her.
And I love that Oli came to spend the night with her. But knowing what happened between him and Tom, I have a feeling it's going to be their last. Which makes me sad.

As for 09.... Wow. Oli and Sav's confrontation gave me goose bumps. And I was so scared that Tom was going to flip out at her when Grace told him that they had slept together. But his whole story was so much better than him getting mad.
Now I'm wondering about Savanna's reaction... because I could see her either getting mad at Tom, even though it wasn't exactly his fault, or getting mad at Oli for telling Tom he loved her and not having the guts to tell her (at least, he hasn't yet,) or.... I don't even know.

I can't wait to read the next chapter :)

I'm so attached to this story, that while I'm reading this, feel like I'm Savanna and I start to cry when she gets upset. No jokes.

Love this story so much.

chapter 20
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I’d spent most of the evening wandering haplessly and ignoring phone calls, only stopping for the occasional refuel, also known as the occasional drink. At that point, if I stopped drinking, I would also stop moving. And that was no good. I needed to continue walking so that I would have time to dissect everything that was happening. To pick it apart and find a solution.

On Monday, I was to return to Birmingham, where I could hide from these issues until Christmas at least. If I was lucky. This could be my excuse. And my reason for breaking up with Peter
-hiding equals :( but breaking up with peter :)

Many people stared at me as they walked past and I didn’t blame them. Drunk girl crying—interest peaked. I stared right back at them, tears hitting my cheeks and lips.

There was some sort of inner battle being waged. When one side of the war prevailed, he said “Oli did ‘ave a good reason for breakin’ it off with yeh.”
“What? ‘Ow d’yeh know?”
“Well, uh—“
“What’s the reason then?”
“Because I told ‘im to.” His voice was flat and even, resolved. And just then, I knew he had a secret beyond just this. There was more and I felt very betrayed. It was hypocritical to feel as such, I knew. But this was an old secret, one that he’d had many chances to tell and he hadn’t.
-!!!

“Yeh punched ‘im because ‘e said ‘e loved me?” I felt considerably less drunk after hearing all of this.
“I didn’t say it made sense. I jus’ got a bit angry at the idea o’ ‘im lovin’ yeh. I mean, who was ‘e to even look at yeh like that? Oli were grubby and greedy… Yeh were sweet and innocent.”

“No, I told yeh, I said the same thing to ‘im as I did to yeh. I said I didn’t like it but I wouldn’t stop yeh…” He took another large breath. “But I said that ef ‘e really loved yeh, ‘e would do what was right for yeh.”
And surprisingly, I couldn’t cry anymore. Though at this point in the conversation, I felt like it was appropriate. Like this deserved my tears. But my eyes were as dry as my mouth and I said “Oh.”

When he was in, I spoke in a hushed voice. “Sorry, couldn’t get the window open with—“
He took a hold of my face, palms pressed to my cheeks, and went directly for my lips. He crashed down on me, sucking my bottom lips into his mouth, earning a startled gasp from me. He backed me towards the bed I’d just been sleeping in. His mouth shifted and bent against mine with a vast urgency and I swore I was dreaming. He guided us down against my sheets and blankets and my sore limbs grasped for him. My breath caught in my throat and he kissed the corners of my mouth before heading for my jawline.
-:)

“Black an’ blue.” I reached for the hem of my t-shirt and dragged it up to show him my bruises. I expected him to say something, to be awed or apologetic. Instead, he nudged me back against the pillows, pushing my shirt further up my torso. I was filled with nervous energy as he bent down to kiss the border of one bruise. He proceeded to trace small flickering kisses down the length of my ribcage, a kiss for every inch of bruising. I felt ready to light up with affectionate happiness when he moved to kiss the marks on my cheek.
When he pulled back I was on the verge of smiling and yet, he was frowning. “God, ‘e was right. Look what I’ve done to yeh.”

Besides, I’ve never woken up next to yeh,” he said, running fingers through my hair. “An’ I think I’d like that.”
-:DDDDDD

Holding someone that was not and never would be your boyfriend shouldn’t have been that intense. It shouldn’t have felt like the world would end if you let go of them. It shouldn’t have felt like the safest place you’d ever been. It shouldn’t have felt like love.
Into my hair, he murmured “Fuckin hell, Sav… This is hard.”
-hah they were in the same place. jeesh.

OH MY GOD. YOU ARE SUCH AN AMAZING WRITER. I COULD JUST READ THIS STORY ALL OF MY LIFE. WELL HALF OF MY LIFE AND READ SAM'S STUFF THE OTHER HALF. AH, YOU ARE A GOD.

It was as though we’d never had a conversation in our lives, as though we hadn’t seen each other naked. And this felt wrong too. I knew that at some point, we could talk to one another. For hours. For days. It made me upset to think that we had lost that, or that we’d given it up. It made me furious because it was very much Oli’s fault that we’d given up. But anger felt just as wrong as awkwardness and secrets. Being angry with Oli seemed cruel. Though he could and would talk me into anything, his intentions were never malicious. I knew that; I’d known that. But it was easier to blame him than to blame myself.

I watched him watching me and I didn’t care about boundaries, best friends or boyfriends. I was swimming in inebriation and Oliver was still what I wanted more than anything else. I stood on my toes and pressed myself to him. I held my mouth against his in a motionless kiss. It was forceful and held very little tenderness or affection. It was an act of defiance, an act of confusion. I was just trying to understand.

With my mouth falling open, I took a step back. He was right and there was very little I could do about it. But like the indecisive coward I was, I decided that walking away from him was my best choice. And like the indecisive coward he was, he decided not to follow me.

“When Mum told me ‘bout the accident… I’ve never been so fuckin’ scared.” He pushed a hand through his hair and rubbed his forehead. “I mean, o’ course I were worried about Oli. ‘E may be a bloody moron but ‘e’s my brother and I love ‘im… But it weren’t Oli I thought about. Only thing I could think about was you. I couldn’t stand the idea that somethin’ bad might’ve happened to yeh. An’ worse, somethin’ happenin’ to yeh before I could apologize.”

“An’ on the way to the hospital, I swore to myself that I’d quit bein’ such a tosser. Because yeh thought… yeh thought I hated yeh and I don’t want that.”

“But, I dunno… Seein’ yeh with ‘im, I understood why yeh preferred ‘im to me.”
“Tom—“
“’E’s fun an’ excitin’. ‘E got yeh to let go… Yeh were ‘avin’ a good time at the party. Yeh hate parties. They scare yeh.” He looked rather despondent. It was a tragic look for him because I knew how brilliant he looked when he was happy. It was the best sight, one of my favorites in fact. “Guess I didn’t know what yeh really wanted.”

“No,” I immediately protested but then amended “Well, yeah, I guess I am. I jus’ don’t know ‘ow to be normal with yeh right now…” I sighed. “I don’t want to be angry at yeh; I honestly don’t… But I can’t help it. I jus’ feel like it shouldn’t’ ‘ave taken a goddamn car accident for yeh to tell me all this.”

I watched him as he rolled away from my house in the drizzle. I knew where things stood with us. Finally. I knew that we would eventually be us again. And I thought that all was well with Tom.
Which is why I was rather surprised to hear that later in the evening, Tom punched Oli square in the jaw.
-----------------------------------------------
-toooooom. ugh. -ahh! you're such a good writer!

xD I do love the Architects myself, but DAMN! I didn't expect that to be the reason Tommy punched Oli.
And then in 2005, I thought for sure that when he climbed through her window it would be the time where he would break up with her, but I guess it will be in the next update. And strangely I can't wait for it all to happen. Lol.
Update when you can! :D

This chapter was so sweet, and it cleared alot up. I think it's my favorite one so far.

Thank you for updating =)

Woman!
You're making me cry with your latest update! I...I don't klnow who to feel for anymore! Dammit!
She had such a nice guy in Peter, damn I would take hikm any day! There are so few devoted fathers out there, and you can always rest assured that good fathers will always stand by their girls.
But Oli...loved her back then! And still does and...dammit!
Tom...he just doesn't realize it is more than friendship...that it always HAS been more than friendship. he wants more, wanted more, but deep down fights that desire because he knows it just wouldn't be right.
Great...now I am all melancholy before going to bed! Non the less: I loved this update, and I hope the next one will follow soon!

I loved this chapter loads. I like how it provided insight to the 2005 relationships between the three of them, and although it's fun to guess why and how something happened, it's also great to learn the detail/backstory of the characters. Does that make sense? Everything was all put together and was amazing to read. As always!

Wow... I find all of this just so stunning and beautifully written. The way you portrayed 2009 Savannah's emotions was just incredible. It really did feel like she was hitting her breaking point, and the shock she felt when Tom came clean with the truth felt so realistic. I was awestruck when I read this:

The answer I’d come up with was that trouble had been engrained in me, etched across my bones. At some point, chaos had been so seductive and appealing that I’d burned it into flesh. And it had never been eradicated. It had never gone away because Oli had not given me the closure I needed to dismiss my love of rule breaking.

And then 2005 Savannah just was almost like an explanation and a foreshadowing to the present. Oli breaking in cracked me up, and it was so bittersweet but the way you described how much he cares about Savannah made me melt. Gah, this chapter was so amazing. Slowly the pieces are revealing themselves, which makes me all the more excited, of course. Merry Christmas Rissa.

I love love love this story. and I love Oli and Savanna (: merry Christmas

If I could have carried this feeling in my pocket, I wouldn’t have needed to be drunk.
K-I-L-L-E-R

I can't help but feel something more is on the horizon for Sav and Tom, although, y'know, I can't be certain in the slightest.
I'm thinking it'll all make a little more sense when we find out why the eff Tom's punched Oli?
Or not haha.
Merry Christmas bro. x

This chapter was freaking amazing. I am speachless, well not really but hopefully you get the point. I can sit here,well actually lay here telling you what Ioved most about this chapter, but I would be here forever, and well my phone battery is about to die. But what I will say is that I loved Gracie's speach and that not only does she call Sav out she also tells her what she is blind to see; that Oli lover her and always had. =]

And the mention of the car crash in 09 and the car crash in 05 to me it seems that it's slowly but soon-ish going go meet up. Wish is what we're all waiting for. =]

As for the 05 Tom and Anna conclversation where they forgive each other; well nearly, I couldn't be more happier. They are finally on the path of talking and goig back to the way things used to be; normal. Ahh this story is beast and I love it. Great job <3

P.S. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I'm using my iPhone.

LOVE IT!!!!!! please update!

have I ever told you how wonderful I think this story is? I don't think I ever have, and I'm sorry for that. This story gets so much better with every chapter, and it always makes my day when there's a new one up. And it never bothered me that there is so much dialoge. The dialoge just kind of makes up the characters, and for me it is just a way of getting to know how they get along.
I don't know how to explain why I love this story so much, that's why I'm just gonna say that I'm in love with it. It just completely blew me over. Keep up the writing please, it makes me so happy.

Sorry, I meant comment not conversation.

Slowly the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. I thought it was sweet how 2009 Oli didn't kiss Savannah back even though he probably wanted to more than anything.

The discussion between 2005 Savannah and Tom, it was so heartbreaking. I love how he just was slightly nudging her, almost as if he was flat-out asking her to choose him over Oli. And I love how in 2009, you reinforce why Savannah and Tom are only friends. I have a feeling this is just the calm before the storm, as if the accident and the conversation are only the tip of the iceburg.

I have a migraine, and I really hope this conversation made sense as I adored the update. If only Savannah wasn't so stubborn and just followed her heart.

Awkward?
The alcohol made her give in to her urges but it was so the wrong moment, and I am rather surprised I must say, that Oli didn't take the chance. Heads up to him!
Tom and her in the past...damn I wish that boy just wants to sweep her off her feet and make her happy. He's the best for her, she knows it...damn his better-looking, fun-loving brother!
Hope you'll update again soon!

I'm so confussed! Why can't oli and tom be one person!?!