Myaku. - Comments

oh lord, becky, i wish you wouldn't doubt your writing skills.
this was so... ugh. rich and beautiful, and it flowed effortlessly. i adored it.
and the end was so... random and perfect :lmfao
i could never have done something as epic as this. {:

you're an amazing writer. keep it up :arms:

That was kind of creepy, haha. But powerful. You convey a message really easily, even with such a small amount of words. You've got a certain poetry to your writing that just...flows. It's beautiful to read.

The piece is rather nonchalant, especially the last sentence, but you can still feel the meaning and everything. It's like he's casually telling you what's going on, like everything's fine, and then it sets in, the true meaning.

Awesome.

OH MY GOD BECKY, for such a short piece, this was so effective. I always love reading shorter stuff, because as well as being easier to leave feedback for (:tehe:) I like how they're just snapshots of a scene and the reader can make up their mind for a lot of it themselves. It's a little extract of a bigger picture and I love how you do it because you capture the essence of things with your short pieces.

I particularly liked how you opened this. And his naked body shivers beneath my touch The fact that you opened it with a conjunction is significant, it's like we've entered the story mid-way through a sentence being said - it's like we're just entering the narrator's train of thoughts and we have to work out what's happened previously. The events leading up to this aren't explained and I like this because there are so many possibilities for what could have happened - I like it in stories when I'm able to make up my mind about certain things.

So they were once lovers? I find my smile, that one he told me he loved, spreading across my face and his blood on my lips tastes better than I have thought it would. It makes me wonder whether the killer was hurt by something that his lover did - perhaps he cheated on him or maybe they argued a lot and he got too angry. He doesn't seem to feel any guilt or remorse for killing him either, he seems to have enjoyed what he did. And the fact that he said that his blood tasted better than he thought it would implies that when he started to kill him, he began to wonder whether it was the right thing to do and feels a little regret, but by the end of it when his blood tasted good, I think he decided that killing him was the right thing to do.

I like how it's just told like somebody is speaking. It's a little bit different from the normal story, it's like a spoken story. But it’s so beautiful. The blood I mean, it’s rich and glorious in shimmering waves of deep, almost black, red. I really like the way that his sentence flowed (no pun intended :lmfao), it's quite casually told and the narrator seems quite relaxed about the whole business. I love the description of the blood, it seems really glamorous in a way.

The fact that the knife is trembling shows that he feels some remorse. I smile, the knife trembling in my hands, dripping liquid crimson back down to his body. Although he's smiling, he's showing some weakness which means that he is only human, he does feel emotions and hurt like everybody else, and for a short while I think he was grieving the fact that he'd killed him.

I really liked the explanation as to why he does this. But it feels good and I need to feel good once in a while. Like, there's no reason for why he killed that particular person but the reason is explained in a way that can be interpreted in so many different ways. Like, he might have done it because his victim was a better person than him - so if he dies he'll feel better because he's gone. Or he might feel better because his victim was cheating and he had to take his frustration out on something. I love how pretty much everything in this is left open to interpretation, it's absolutely brilliant.

He's not upset at all. And yeah, he’s gone. The shivers and the whining and the moaning have died and he’s gone. It's been described in a way that implies that he's just gone - he's just left him and he's still alive. The way that he said it just implies that he's walked away and it shows that's what the narrator sees this as. In some way he doesn't see it as a murder or a death, he just sees the person leaving.

The ending was bloody brilliant. And I can’t remember where I parked the car. It's a light-hearted way to end it all, and it's also left a little bit open-ended.

I loved this. It was brilliant. And this review is like, three times as long as the wordspill. :lmfao

This was absoltuely amazing. You're amazing at creating visuals for the reader. :] and Myaku is an amazing song as well.

The last part was genius too. xD

Ahh, I really liked this. (: I'd review it but it's so short. xD I like that it's what vampire fic is supposed to be: gory, horror-filled, etc. Not romantic.

And I can't remember where I parked the car.

that was funny. :tehe:

this was a very great one, but i killed it...
I rofl'd at the end sentenced:

And I can't remember where I parked the car.
:lmfao
Genious darling