There were points where I questioned whether some of the grammar was intended to be incorrect, but in the end I decided that you had done it intentionally. And it really worked with the childish innocence of the piece; how the little girl was worried about getting on the train, and how her mother had to explain in simpler terms what a train actually was.
My favorite line, however, was the very last one.
"I just hope you bought me that Peter Pan doll I asked you to."
I don't know what to say about it. I just thought that in that one little sentence, you captured everything that is youth. Like, how they always are thinking about toys, even when other things with a greater impact are effecting them. It was really fantastic.
And the fact that it had to do with Jon Walker. I think you might have known that he's my favorite, haha. But if you didn't, now you do. And he's going to be the BEST dad, ever. I love him that much. Hahahaha.
There were points where I questioned whether some of the grammar was intended to be incorrect, but in the end I decided that you had done it intentionally. And it really worked with the childish innocence of the piece; how the little girl was worried about getting on the train, and how her mother had to explain in simpler terms what a train actually was.
My favorite line, however, was the very last one.
"I just hope you bought me that Peter Pan doll I asked you to."
I don't know what to say about it. I just thought that in that one little sentence, you captured everything that is youth. Like, how they always are thinking about toys, even when other things with a greater impact are effecting them. It was really fantastic.
And the fact that it had to do with Jon Walker. I think you might have known that he's my favorite, haha. But if you didn't, now you do. And he's going to be the BEST dad, ever. I love him that much. Hahahaha.
Anyway, really great job, and congratulations!!!