Paris, Je T'aime. - Comments

Just wonderful (:

Wow, you can really tell you put two months into this!

I really like how much thought you put into the backstory of each of the characters, and I loved all of the simple details. I also love how you refered to the characters by these little judgemental nicknames, like we would give people in our mind until we had officially met them. I haven't really seen that done before, but I enjoyed it.

This is just... Amazing. Right from the first line, I was hooked, and there are very few books that do that to me, let alone original fiction on Mibba.

Her father had been an astrologer and her mother had been a stripper. By the time she was nine she could identify any constellation and give a half decent lap dance to any man who asked. But she was, after all, only nine and very rarely got asked.

--

Sometimes he burns things because he knows what he’s good at: art and pyromania. And sometimes fire is even more beautiful than the shapes on the pavement slabs could ever be.

Thos are my favourite parts, although it was hard to pick any at all!

This is just magnificent. I'm going to be reading a lot more of your stuff from now on.

One Shot For One Shot!

I can tell you worked hard on this. It was beautifully written, and the descriptions are wonderful.

I really liked this. And I liked how we didn't know their names until the moment that they learned each others names.

So anyways, well done. This was truly amazing. :cute:

This was honestly beautiful. You've got amazing descriptions and imagery, and I loved the way that you never told us their names until the very end.
I also loved how Art Boy says “I guess I never got it right in the first place.” it's just really beautiful repetition.

I only noticed two minor mistakes,

One the other hand, Art Boy looked like hell.

One should be on.

now he through sounds around as if they weren’t necessary.

Through should be threw.

But yeah, this was wonderfully beautiful. You've got a real talent, well done. :arms:

This is a really sweet story.

I love that their relationship was kind of...complicated but simple at the same time. I don't know how to explain it really. The characterisation was great, and they showed development too, which is nice because it indicates that their relationship has affected them in big ways.

One thing though... should astrologer be astronomer? 'cause astrology is to do with horoscopes and how the planets dictate personality traits and all that, and astronomy is just to do with the stars and planets by themselves. I don't know if I read that part right.

I noticed some typos too, but nothing major.

All in all, this was beautifully done. I don't read much original fiction, but it kept me captivated.

I can't leave a really big comment but I did like this little piece of fluff. It deserves to win the contest. I agree with all the others. If it was a story I'd subscribe.

that was stellar.
And I wish I knew how to write a proper review of some sorts,
but if I tried... I wouldn't be able to perfectly portray how beautiful that was.
I love how embody her, as this cliche rich American whore, not to be rude.
And him, as this quiet, virginal French boy.
And the words... oh, the words... they were all so perfect, not one of them misplaced.

Simply perfect.

No wonder this took so bloody long! All those little extracts on rate the story were amazing, and I had a feeling that this would be beautiful. And it is gorgeous, Vicky. The way you write is absolutely beautiful, your descriptions are so delicate and you even manage to make slutty Pin Girl sound elegant. I hope you're really proud of this, because it is without a doubt some of the best writing I've seen on here.

First off, I love how you didn't give them actual names to start off with. 'Art Boy' and 'Pin Girl' sounded like their secret alias' or something like that. It gave them a sort of mystery as well, like names seem like the first thing you notice when you meet a person. In stories, a name often defines a character, but without that, there's a piece of their definition that's missing, and I love that you did that, it keeps us readers hooked till the end when we find out their actual names. I also really liked that Art Boy wasn't just an average artist that painted on a canvas, creating countless scenes on greying slabs of a familiar pavement; a stones throw away from the Eiffel Tower. He sounded like a street entertainer at first, and I thought he might do drawing requests :tehe: but thats just me being silly. It's a really unique idea.

Someone needs to lock her knees together and throw away the key before she catches something pretty nasty. That is just I love how you're simply saying, 'close your legs, girl', but it's done in such a beautiful way. The lock and the key was really thoughtful.

I loved that the pair of them came from different cultures, they were really opposite. In the whole one is rich, one is poor, and that Pin Girl seems to know more, she seems much more streetwise than Art Boy, he's very naive, but I suppose that comes with him lacking in experience.

Pin Girl's entrance set the tone for what would be the start of a beautiful relationship. I liked how they met. How angry and ignorant she was. On the surface she sounds like a spoilt little rich girl, one who's had a strange upbringing, and she'll willingly jump into bed with anyone, but there's a lot more to her than that. I adore these two characters, and how you have to look deeper to see the real person in them, if that makes sense. The description of her losing her 'audience' made it seem a bit surreal as well, as though she feels famous, like the world is her stage and everyone around her is watching her every move. But, she's in a place where she doesn't know anyone, so that proves a little bit difficult for her. I loved Art Boy's reaction as well, how he didn't care and pretended not to understand her.

Pin Girl's backstory was really good. I love how carefully thought out this is, and it's so clear that it's taken you so much time to think about it and get it all down. Her life was two very different sides. I imagine her father as a bit of a science nerd, and then her mother's a stripper. You couldn't put them together, but when you do, it's hard to imagine them apart. I liked that you made Pin Girl take on both sides of her parents, how she understands the stars and what they're made from, it shows her intelligent side, and then there's the much more promiscuous stripper girl trying to get out. It makes her all the more human that she's not just some one dimensional character.

Art Boy sounds like a perfectionist. And the way he washes away his art shows that. He's striving to create the perfect piece of artwork, and it seems unachievable, until he runs into Pin Girl again. And she seems to cast this strange sort of spell on him, and after they have sex, she plagues his mind and takes over him completely. He draws her, and it's a perfect drawing. So it made me think that he no longer see's the Eiffel Tower as the perfect creation, because Pin Girl has suddenly taken that role for herself.

Their next meeting made me smile. It felt like they were getting somewhere at this point, as so far they didn't seem like two people you'd think would get along. But somewhere along the line things seem to fall into place and they click. They go together because she has the experience he doesn't, and he appreciates things that she doesn't. They could teach each other so much.

“The fact we’ve been sitting here for about two hours now and you still haven’t tried to get in my pants." It's like realisation hits her, because he's not like all the other guys she's met. He's different. I think it could have something to do with his naivety, and his own lack of sex, but it's not what's constantly on his mind.

How she 'accidentally fucked him twice' made me think that she see's what us readers see. That Art Boy is different, and that maybe she is in love with him. That she almost left a small trace of her existance behind as well, she nearly left her name and a way of contact showed that something special had just happened. Something had shifted and changed everything, she had broken her own rule by having sex with him twice, even though she hadn't kissed him, she'd still broken a rule. And the way of contact would've left some sort of hope that they would definitely meet again, but it seems like she sort of regrets what she did and wants to ignore it, write it off and pretend it didn't happen. And then time passes, and he paints the Eiffel Tower to absolute perfection, and it seems to mark something. Even though the event goes pretty much unnoticed, it's almost like a stamp on time. Something did change, although we're not 100% sure what yet.

Her return is a little unnerving at first. The two of them are like awkward teenagers, and although you never mention how old either of them are, I imagine them as a couple of teenagers. They seem to have the passion and the recklessness of teenagers. The physical differents are the first noticeable changes, they seem to have swapped roles, whilst she is healthier and happier, he's much more dulled down and depressed. I love how you did that, the role reversal thing was really clever. Pin Girl's backstory of how she left was really good. I particularly liked that she never told Art Boy she loved him at the time, that her plans were never revealed, and she simply left without a trace and told everyone in Newport what had happened. It's that awkwardness again, and how they don't seem to feel completely comfortable with each other to admit such strong feelings.

Her declaration of love was really cute, in a strange way. How she expected him to know made her seem much more real, she wanted him to remember her and that's what he did, but he didn't remember the vital rule, and as realisation smacks him in the face, he knows that he's wallowed in self pity for nothing. It's sweet, but in a really warped way, and I like that about it.

The ending was perfect. The kiss was like sealing it, their love for one another. She broke her rules and left her old life behind. I loved the changes in their characters and how they swapped roles. The revealation of their actual names left right to the end was a good element, and the names really suited them as well, it was nice how they reflected upon their characters. It also gave them a proper identity and defined them properly. All in all, Vicky, this was beautiful, and I'm so glad you managed to finish it, even if it did take you two months to complete. I'm not at all surprised it took so long, but it is worth it. The time and the effort you've put in is evident, and I hope this does amazingly in the contest, because it really deserves to. Such a beautiful piece, well done with it.

Story Review Game.

I apologize for how long it took for me to do this, I just had my brother come home ffrom the Navy so I was a bit off. Again, I apologize. :)

Summary:

I absolutely love the first line. It just made me laugh and it was so cruel, it seemed sort of perfect.

I love the part in italics. I wasn't expecting the last part at all. I was expecting her to say something cute and cuddly but instead you get that...It was crazy. But excellent. :) I very much like the summary.

Chapter One:
Oh dear, Pin Girl is a bit psychotic. I can only imagine what Art Boy must've been thinking when she came up to him screaming like that.

Your descriptions are magnificent. I almost felt as though this should be a movie and I should be watching instead of reading. You describe everything so well as if you were actually there and I was behind the screen watching through your eyes. Fantastic, I do say.

I love Art Boy's dedication to his work. You'd think someone would get bored painting the same thing over and over again but not him. I must say this is incredibly written, I'm sort of in awe.

And the fact that it's in France is a plus. I speak French fluently. :)

For some reason I imagine Art Boy as a French version of Hugh Dancy. Maybe because I just watched Blood & Chocolate. Who knows, but ugh, he's beautiful in my head.

Haha, poor Art Boy, I love him. I would've liked to read him kissing her...I don't know just the thought of an innocent boy kissing a less than innocent girl is so endearing.

Oh my God, I want to like...hug them. "I guess I never got you right in the first place." That's my favorite part, it's so adorable and I just want to be there and be the girl. UGH I NEED ME A MAN.

This was incredibly written and once again I apologize for the review delay.

I didn't find any typos and your French was fine as well. :)

oh my god
ohmygodohmygod gaaaaaah. that was amazing. like, you have no idea. j'espère qu'un jour je peux écrire comme toi.
I really want to review this but if I wrote out everything I loved it would take up too much space.
The beginning made me laugh. Over a short space of time, she’d managed to convince herself that she was still in America, or that everyone in France could at least speak Basic English; so true, Americans are always arrogant like that.
The way you describe Art Boy is so beautiful, especially the first paragraph, and this line: He wished he could float up there too, pulled by a thousand colourful balloons tied to his papery skin and see what could be seen a thousands miles away. :XD
I want an Art Boy
I love how he's so innocent and she's so dirty, but it works so beautifully. And the little things you wrote that become such a major part of the story, like how she never sleeps with a guy twice and how he keeps painting the Eiffel Tour - it's clear you worked really really hard on this. You should definitely be proud, it's all sorts of amazing.
I noticed one tiny typo, just cause I'm an ass like that, but you wrote, She looked up sheepishly, he fingers hooked through the buckles instead of her fingers.
And I adore the ending, how they tell each other their names at the end. It actually reminds me of a French movie I once saw but I can't remember the name. hmm. Anyway. Conclusion, you write beautifully and I loved this.

I don't think there are words to describe how great of a writer you are.
Just the first two paragraphs totally pulled me in. Your way with words is impecable and I wish I could write that well.
Seriously compared to all my stories, I'm terrible.
I was interested in the way that Pin Girl kept her standards about having sex with the same person more than once, and how she seemed to immediately click with Art Boy. They way that he suddenly thought about her having sex with people other than him and how it was strange for him to think of such things was kind of a character-building moment.
The fact that he always includes the tower in his paintings, then suddenly stops and paints Pin Girl proved that there was more than sex between the characters and showed that he had more feelings for her than the tower.
And for her to come back and express her feelings was great, though I kind of saw that coming. The description of their kiss, wanting to keep it in a box and show it off was sweet as well.

I really wish I could have made this comment longer but my mother is hounding me for the computer. I'll try to come back and add to this!

Oh my majestical zebra!
That was absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous :cheese:
Beautiful, I love the first two paragraph's -- how you described them.
I loved everything :yah

You have talent! :cute:

Love it.

Oh, my.
This is one of the most beautifully crafted stories I've ever read on mibba.
I've been waiting for you to post this, but it's so great that you took the time because this is like the epitome of perfection. It was so sweet, I love how you captured the characters personalities perfectly. They are unique and mix so well with each other, I really can't find words to explain this

Breathtaking job <3

I'm not good at reviews, and Kerisa has basically summed it up, and I'm only on mibba to read this.

I absolutely love this.
You've outdone yourself and it's amazing, just like you :arms:

Now I know why it took so long to post this I want my very own Art Boy.

I love your characters. Art Boy is so innocent and creative, and Pin Girl is so unique and fascinating :3

He drew with a myriad of colours from a one hundred year old wooden box held at square joints on each corner. He had creased hands, a lighter shade of papyrus, bulging with muscles and tendons, parcelled in by an impermeable sheet of silk mesh. Your vocabulary is gorgeous. I love these two sentences, they're just beautiful tbh. At first I thought he was just going to be a regular artist from Paris, but he seems much more interesting and different.

She was tight skin and jagged bone sewn together with odd bits of string and fancy lace where legs are concerned. I'm just going to end up quoting all of this because it's all so gorgeous. I love the idea that the Parisian's are scared of her, but I think and throw away the key before she catches something pretty nasty. was a little bit .. weird? Maybe it's just because you put pretty before nasty. :tehe:

loud and filthy words were tipping from her jutted mouth like butterflies and vomit. this is so beautiful and disgusting at the same time. Your descriptions are so :yah worthy, it's crazyyyy.

I love how you've made Pin Girl's father an astrologer and her mother a stripper. They're such... odd jobs, which works because Pin Girl is quite odd too.

“That’s why I’ve never fucked the same guy twice,” she said, “And I never let guys kiss me. My mom taught me that.” Probably my favourite piece of dialogue in this entire story. It seems so... real and gritty, and I can totally see a girl like Pin Girl saying something like that.

The Sun was up when the cacophony of sighs and groans and flesh sliding against flesh subsided. Just. Wow.

I honestly could just c&p everything in this and be like, it's sooooo goood :twitch: but I'm too lazy and big brother's about to come on channel four plus one :]

“You may be rich… but I’m not,” she smiled, “How do you think I pay for these shoes?” Shouldn't rich be poor? :shifty Maybe I'm reading it wrong, I'm sort of stupid.

Anyway, I love how they got together at the end :3 It was just lovely and sort of inevitable, but it was the perfect ending. If they'd just never seen each other again I would have been very disappointed, but I'm glad they're together.

She covered him with fluttering butterfly kisses before pressing her lips full on his delicious mouth, placing her fingers against his smooth ghostly cheek. Adorable, amazingly adorable.

I'm so sorry for this shitty review. I really did adore this, it's so obvious that you put so much effort into this and it's wonderful. I wish I could properly review things but oh well. It makes me want to go to Paris. :cute:

oh god oh god oh god and THIS. IS. WHY. I. HATE. EVERYTHING. I. WRITE. :grr:

because. i just can't craft something as perfect and as beautiful as this. I'm a bit speechless... this deserves a review but i already owe you like, two. :tehe: i can't get my head straight anyway.

your characters... i love love love the line His hands had never felt the figure of a woman before. it's not descriptive or poetic but it's enchanting and magic and

and the way you describe things, like. She was tight skin and jagged bone sewn together with odd bits of string and fancy lace where legs are concerned. you have such a strong voice, and i adore it. you gave this girl an edge and i could feel it pricking my eyes. or maybe that's cause i'm reading the screen in the dark, but... you love my attempt at a joke. :XD

vicky, this is my favouritest of all the things you have written. it's obvious you put so much work and care and planning into this and you made me want to scrap my latest project because its like, i can never write anything like this. it's amazing and you're so inspiring. honestly, you should be so very proud of it.

Wow, that was bloody brilliant. You can tell that you obviously put a great deal of time and effort into this and trust me, it's paid off. You described everything so beautifully and in perfect detail. You really should be proud of this, it's amazing. Oh and I have to agree with you, Paris is beautiful.