Lucifer's Angel - Comments

Your friend told me to read this story and I thought I might give it go. I’ll have to agree with some other commenters in that the title of this made me very hesitant. In all honesty, it wasn’t until I read the comments that I decided I would read this story. I didn’t really like the bit where the one sentence was underlined, it seemed a bit juvenile to me, I figure of a specific part of a story is significant then the readers will know that, the author doesn’t need to make everything totally obvious.
It seemed kind of odd that you had been mentioning how hot it was that day and then the minute the sun went down you said that it was cold. I hope that the cold has significance otherwise it was quite pointless to mention.
But all in all, it was well-written. Very different from anything I’ve ever read on this site.

i really like your story
its SUPER good.
one of my friends and well i guess yours told me to read it
and i LOVE it
*suscribes*
UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Foo Xantii:

Must I say Epic much? Dude... The way he talks to God in chapter 2 made me go for some reason, but it also made me laugh. :tehe:

And that part where Lucifer says "My turn.".....

:cheese: I totally clapped and giggled, it was amazing. Also, the part where he said 'Cliche' and.... Lastly.... He flipped off the devil! I mean :XD

God is so good.... I would never let that bastard go to Heaven, I don't have such a heart.

Amazing story, I'm waiting for chapter 3 anxiously.... I really sound like a noob by saying this... But... :shifty Please update soon! :XD I told you!

You don't know how much your comments make me happy! :arms:

I felt so awkward writing the conversation with God cause I had to try and think of what the heck God would say :twitch:

And I've always wanted to flip off the Devil :file:
I have.. 2 paragraphs done on chapter 3 :cheese: Each chapter is usually 10-12 pages long written out so it takes a lil while to get it all done. But I'm working on it!

Must I say Epic much? Dude... The way he talks to God in chapter 2 made me go for some reason, but it also made me laugh. :tehe:

And that part where Lucifer says "My turn.".....

:cheese: I totally clapped and giggled, it was amazing. Also, the part where he said 'Cliche' and.... Lastly.... He flipped off the devil! I mean :XD

God is so good.... I would never let that bastard go to Heaven, I don't have such a heart.

Amazing story, I'm waiting for chapter 3 anxiously.... I really sound like a noob by saying this... But... :shifty Please update soon! :XD I told you!

PrettyAsACarCrash:

Story/Review Game:

The summary drew me in completely. I just love the description and originality of the plot. I've always been interesting in where and why people go to heaven and hell, and this... this just is amazing.

Blond strands fell into my darkened eyesight and I immediately shoved them into my dark baseball cap. The way that you describe this man, I would never had imagined he had blonde hair.

Do I follow her to her home and rob, and maybe kill, her family? Or shall I drag her away and rape her? OH. MY. GAWD. That's horrible. But it just made me want to read more to see what he does to her.

I laughed hard at the part when Luce is yelling at God, but yet I wanted Cara to not go down with him SOOO badly.

A few spelling mistakes, but not that many. Amazing story, by the way. Please continue?

Thanks for the review ((mostly consisting of reactions and compliments)). I like those sometimes lol. Makes me feel like I have no mistakes :tehe:
He's not blond actually, I stated later in the story the blond is a wig :XD
And the line where he wants to rape her seems like the popular favorite lmao. I guess it is kind of a shocker when a guy thinks about overpowering and raping a woman :twisted:

I've been working on chapter 2 today actually, so it should be up tomorrow or in 2 days ((depending on how much time it takes for me to write such a long chaptered story)). Thanks for being a fan

Story/Review Game:

The summary drew me in completely. I just love the description and originality of the plot. I've always been interesting in where and why people go to heaven and hell, and this... this just is amazing.

Blond strands fell into my darkened eyesight and I immediately shoved them into my dark baseball cap. The way that you describe this man, I would never had imagined he had blonde hair.

Do I follow her to her home and rob, and maybe kill, her family? Or shall I drag her away and rape her? OH. MY. GAWD. That's horrible. But it just made me want to read more to see what he does to her.

I laughed hard at the part when Luce is yelling at God, but yet I wanted Cara to not go down with him SOOO badly.

A few spelling mistakes, but not that many. Amazing story, by the way. Please continue?

Foo Xantii:

I... No words could describe the originality of this story. I really got into it just from hearing the music, my fav. song must be 'Sanctus' God that song is amazing. Then, we have the ending of the chapter, where Luce is screaming at God and Lucifer laughs. Now that made me go :cheese: with excitement, and fear. You can really pull the reader into the story. I absolutely love this it....

Really, you love it?
Thank you so much for the compliments, it makes me really happy as an author. I wasn't sure if anyone even listened to the music. I always look for the really good music for each chapter. I'm writing chapter 2, just takes a while to write so much

I... No words could describe the originality of this story. I really got into it just from hearing the music, my fav. song must be 'Sanctus' God that song is amazing. Then, we have the ending of the chapter, where Luce is screaming at God and Lucifer laughs. Now that made me go :cheese: with excitement, and fear. You can really pull the reader into the story. I absolutely love this it....

Spaztastic:

At first, I wasn't so sure about this story. The title kind of pushed me away because I thought it was a vampire story. But now that I've read the summary I'm very interested in how it fits.

A once cold bottle of water rested in my hand, it's only purpose is to keep my hydrated in the heat. This sentence sounded a bit weird to me. I think it's a given the water bottle to is to keep the character hydrated, so the last part isn't really needed. However, if you want to keep it, 'my' should be 'me'.

Do I follow her to her home and rob, and maybe kill, her family? I was all "woah" at this part. It shows that the character is already a cold hearted person and thoughts of murder are really no question of morality. Same for the next sentence.

Will she scream and expose me for who I am? Ugh. The 'ugh' just seems a little out of place. I don't know, it could just be me.

We're currently running alongside a road circling a small mountain. It seems like you're writing in passed tense, and this sentence is in present. We're should be we were.

The guy will die is he commits one more sin, and she felt compelled to save him. Should be 'if'.

Cara nodded again at Lisa before once again looking down at her notebook. I feel that there should be commas around 'once again'. I think the sentence would flow easier.

He'd towered over her so much; he was in a guess about six feet 3 inches. The '3' should be written out in words, too.

So this Luce character...does his name have any significance to Lucifer?

I like this story for two reasons.
1) the plot. It's very different and captured my interest.
2) the fact that there are religious aspects about it. Most stories on here have atheist characters and while people can believe whatever they want, it gets old.

I'm looking forward to more.

Thank you so much for the review. And I see that I have, yet again, made stupid typos and grammatical errors. Thanks for catching those. :tehe:

Luce's name does have a reference to Lucifer. He isn't Lucifer, but he could be the considered the human equivalent with his lack of care for people.
:file:

I had some trouble thinking about what to title this story. I've had it in my mental inventory for a while, but never gave it a name. It does worry me now that you've pointed out it sounds vampire related. I might have to change it slightly in the near future :think:

At first, I wasn't so sure about this story. The title kind of pushed me away because I thought it was a vampire story. But now that I've read the summary I'm very interested in how it fits.

A once cold bottle of water rested in my hand, it's only purpose is to keep my hydrated in the heat. This sentence sounded a bit weird to me. I think it's a given the water bottle to is to keep the character hydrated, so the last part isn't really needed. However, if you want to keep it, 'my' should be 'me'.

Do I follow her to her home and rob, and maybe kill, her family? I was all "woah" at this part. It shows that the character is already a cold hearted person and thoughts of murder are really no question of morality. Same for the next sentence.

Will she scream and expose me for who I am? Ugh. The 'ugh' just seems a little out of place. I don't know, it could just be me.

We're currently running alongside a road circling a small mountain. It seems like you're writing in passed tense, and this sentence is in present. We're should be we were.

The guy will die is he commits one more sin, and she felt compelled to save him. Should be 'if'.

Cara nodded again at Lisa before once again looking down at her notebook. I feel that there should be commas around 'once again'. I think the sentence would flow easier.

He'd towered over her so much; he was in a guess about six feet 3 inches. The '3' should be written out in words, too.

So this Luce character...does his name have any significance to Lucifer?

I like this story for two reasons.
1) the plot. It's very different and captured my interest.
2) the fact that there are religious aspects about it. Most stories on here have atheist characters and while people can believe whatever they want, it gets old.

I'm looking forward to more.