Overall, I did enjoy the story. Not exactly my cup of tea, but you took the (somewhat cliche, but you worked with it well enough) situation and did it the respect of at least handling it with a little tact and realism. I think that her breaking the mirror, and that mental image, is one that's a little overused and kind of predictable.
On the other hand, I do like that she got back with the girl after she cheated the first time. It's always that someone cheats, and that's just the end - which does happen, but in real life, it's just so common that it ends up forgiven, and you don't see it that often in stories nowadays. I like that it took catching them together again to actually end the relationship.
I think things happened a little too quick with Oli, just meeting him, and after a few seconds the automatic, "Can I see you again?" thing, but it can be forgiven since that was it; so simple, and it wasn't like he went and asked her out immediately.
The writing itself was a bit fragmented, which, in some parts, did seem to go with the overall mood, though for me it kind of pulled me out of the story a bit; distracted me from what was going on. Otherwise, when everything seemed to flow together a little more, the style was decent and everything was well-written. (Good grammar and spelling, especially.)
Overall, I did enjoy the story. Not exactly my cup of tea, but you took the (somewhat cliche, but you worked with it well enough) situation and did it the respect of at least handling it with a little tact and realism. I think that her breaking the mirror, and that mental image, is one that's a little overused and kind of predictable.
On the other hand, I do like that she got back with the girl after she cheated the first time. It's always that someone cheats, and that's just the end - which does happen, but in real life, it's just so common that it ends up forgiven, and you don't see it that often in stories nowadays. I like that it took catching them together again to actually end the relationship.
I think things happened a little too quick with Oli, just meeting him, and after a few seconds the automatic, "Can I see you again?" thing, but it can be forgiven since that was it; so simple, and it wasn't like he went and asked her out immediately.
The writing itself was a bit fragmented, which, in some parts, did seem to go with the overall mood, though for me it kind of pulled me out of the story a bit; distracted me from what was going on. Otherwise, when everything seemed to flow together a little more, the style was decent and everything was well-written. (Good grammar and spelling, especially.)
Good job!