Time And Time Again - Comments

I am so confused :twitch:
this story was amazing. The way you write, the style, the details are wonderful.
And my favorite part, was the very last line

Hi I really liked this story I thought your descriptions and imagery were so good!
It's really mysterious to read which keeps the reader even more interested. ;)

Story/Reveiw Game:

...ginger-flecked cheeks... Do mean freakled?

...orbs is still there. You change tense here. 'Is' should be 'are'.

"Stop it, Shay, please. Just...I can't do this anymore."

His dream-voice is cracked and hoarse but it doesn't matter; it's as if Shay hadn't heard him. Pull those two lines together, as one paragraph.

April notices something is wrong the minute they walk out of the school.

Everything about him is off; the way his eyes are clouded by chestnut wisps, how his fingers twisted gracelessly into each other. He had always been somehwhat of a scatterbrain, but it was like he wasn't even aware of her breath just inches from his rounded shoulder. Pull those two together, too.

Just a dream...not real not real. There should be a period or comma between the two 'not real' sayings.

...farther farther farther... There needs to be commas between these.

...his lip was torn in two, like the folds of a heart. In the story, this line is italicized. I don't know why and it doesn't need to be.

This is very good story, but a little confusing. Like, none of it really made sense. To me, at least. Those are the only things I could find wrong with it. I did like it. (:

That was really...gorgeous.
At first I wasn't really understanding it, which made me want to read more, because I wanted to understand. You're writing is very beautiful and I really loved your descriptions, and the italics that were like thoughts.
The writing is really mysterious, but so so good.

In his mind he's thinking April April April but his heart and eyes are singing Shay Shay Shay; the boy he loved but couldn't save.

That was just my favourite line.

Overall, if you can't guess ( :tehe: ) I love it a lot. :arms:

I like how you open it up.
It makes me a bit curious and I like that.
It makes me wanna read further into it.
It’s very captivating, I like the way you describe everything. It was all very straightforward and I liked the use of imagery. The images you created in my mind were fantastic :cute:.
I’m very intrigued by it all.
Point blank, I loved it.

This is amazing, completely and utterly amazing.
Your writing style is just so damn amazing. It's mysterious, and intriguing and I just love it.
This is probably one of the best pieces I've ever seen on Mibba.
<3

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I am INTRIGUED!!!

I love your writing style and I like how it's all confusing and stuff just now! Very good!

I can't wait to read more!

*subscribes*

OH MY FUCKING GOD.
THAT WAS SO POWERFUL.
My face went from

:| - - - - - :cheese:

Holy crap that is amazing, a tad confusing, yet amazing. You have talent my friend, that's why I love yer one-shots :tehe: I'm a stalker. Anywho..... The ending was like :cheese: :cute:

Amazing!

Great first chapter! I can't wait to read more :]