October 6th, 2009 at 05:36am
So, I found the Need Someone To Read Your Stories contest, and decided that since people were looking for more readers, and I need something to read, I would make my way through the list.
Anyway, now that I've explained the random review, I'll get to actually reviewing.
Honestly, I'm quite lost with this story. There are a few grammar mistakes here and there that make it hard to follow. And, I'm sure there's reason for the way you made the character (since it's only the first chapter), but she really seems quite one-sided. Characters, no matter how stereotypical they're supposed to be should have some depth.
Still, the story seems quite interesting. And, as I said, it's only the first chapter, so there's no telling where you're going with this. I could be completely wrong in what I said.
And her Prada bag shifts to a Louis Viouselsktonn (I don't know how to spell that :]) bag at the end.
There are just a few grammar mistakes, but I think this could go somewhere. You just need to fix it up, add a little more detail and beef it up a bit and I think it will be good.
It's moving a bit fast.