Okay, at first I wasn't really sold on this story. "Please Don't Leave Me" is one of my ultimate favorite Pink songs, so I knew beforehand that any story written for that particular song was going to be one that was...well, going to have to live up to that song. I was disappointed when I began to read, because we know what that song is about, it's rather obvious, and I'd hoped that you might use some creative license and not make it the usual 'girl doesn't want boy to leave her' story; to make a twist on that, instead.
I didn't think you were headed in that direction...and so I was pleased when you did! To make the "please don't leave me" part to be about death, and wanting him to stay alive, and not just about "boy leaves girl" was clever, especially since it started out in a different way, and I'm glad you did that. It worked well for the story!
The flash back was just a bit cliche in some parts, no offense. I think it was the dialogue that didn't really sell it for me. I mean, nowadays, would a young woman be likely to reply, "As I love you," to an "I love you," like that? That dialogue was a bit outdated, honestly, and as was a lot of it from that flashback. Some very sweet and poignant moments, but their speaking words just weren't very realistic to me.
Just saying: I like that he died. The rainbows-n-sunshine ending wouldn't have worked for this story. That he did, in all reality, leave her really speaks for the story as a whole, and I also like that you managed to repeat the line "please don't leave me" again and again without it seeming forced in any way. She was frantic, she was losing it, and that repeated mantra of desperation was more than understandable coming from her.
Okay, at first I wasn't really sold on this story. "Please Don't Leave Me" is one of my ultimate favorite Pink songs, so I knew beforehand that any story written for that particular song was going to be one that was...well, going to have to live up to that song. I was disappointed when I began to read, because we know what that song is about, it's rather obvious, and I'd hoped that you might use some creative license and not make it the usual 'girl doesn't want boy to leave her' story; to make a twist on that, instead.
I didn't think you were headed in that direction...and so I was pleased when you did! To make the "please don't leave me" part to be about death, and wanting him to stay alive, and not just about "boy leaves girl" was clever, especially since it started out in a different way, and I'm glad you did that. It worked well for the story!
The flash back was just a bit cliche in some parts, no offense. I think it was the dialogue that didn't really sell it for me. I mean, nowadays, would a young woman be likely to reply, "As I love you," to an "I love you," like that? That dialogue was a bit outdated, honestly, and as was a lot of it from that flashback. Some very sweet and poignant moments, but their speaking words just weren't very realistic to me.
Just saying: I like that he died. The rainbows-n-sunshine ending wouldn't have worked for this story. That he did, in all reality, leave her really speaks for the story as a whole, and I also like that you managed to repeat the line "please don't leave me" again and again without it seeming forced in any way. She was frantic, she was losing it, and that repeated mantra of desperation was more than understandable coming from her.
I liked it! Good job.