Splinter. - Comments

Cristina Scabbia (220)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 95
Location:: Great Britain (UK)

Sorry if this sucks but I want to get this done because I have reviews coming out of my fucking ears because people are updating really quickly and they're building up again. I really liked this piece though, I really adore the way that you write these shorter pieces, you really put so much detail in such a small amount of words. It's great to read.

The opening was really effective. There’s nothing more we can do for him. The opening is pretty ominous, already it's established that something bad has happened and it sets the mood for the entire piece. It left an immediate impression on me and definitely gave the piece a very sombre mood.

It's really apparent how hard the news has hit Toshiya. The formal, falsely sympathetic voice sounded so far away, distorted and broken and blurred by the thoughts running through my head. He just can't comprehend anything right now and his world is falling apart all around him. He can't think straight, all he can focus on is the fact that it's now turned hopeless for Die. He knows what's happened but he can't brace himself and everything that matters to him has now been lost. It's like a plea for help, in a way, and he's thinking about everything so much that nothing makes sense any more. It's incredibly sad to read.

It made me feel so sad that "nothing" is what he's grown used to. I felt nothing and nothing is what I grew accustomed to, sitting there day after day, watching him get worse and worse and worse. Die's not showing any signs of life and Toshiya has just grown to accept the fact that nothing is happening. He's been trying to brace himself for this moment to come because he knew that it was inevitable, but now that it's here he feels nothing - he's numb.

Damn it Becky, this nearly set me off! And to make matters worse, a try has just been scored against Wales (ok, that'll be the only comment about the rugby, I swear). It wasn't my Die. They stole my Die from me that Saturday night, too drunk to drive, reading red as green. I think that Toshiya knew that Die wasn't going to make it as soon as it happened...he knew that Die wasn't going to be coming back and he knew that he'd have to watch as he slowly slipped away. Omg, I'm trying so hard to keep it together here. It's so sad to read, one of the saddest in the whole piece.

Omg this line. But he was limp and cold, his skin a murky white, making the deep crimson of his hair look striking and vivid, beautiful even. If you could call him beautiful now. This is nearly setting me off, it's described so beautifully and just...it makes everything seem more real and I can really picture this in my mind, the pale skin next to the bright red hair. It's quite a haunting image, it's really upsetting and it shows that Die is losing the fight. His body is weakening and just giving up.

This line was beautiful (sorry for quoting so much) the serene, plain mask plastered on his face made it seem like there was no pain, no discomfort, no rough collision with the concrete that caused blood to seep from where it shouldn’t seep and stole my Die from me. It's like Die is completely at peace, and it also ties in well with the fact that "nothing" is what Toshiya was used to because he's not showing any emotion or agony. He's just lying there, which makes it all that more heartbreaking. It's like he's a ghost lying there in front of him on the hospital. And I think that Toshiya is trying to tell himself that nothing has happened and he's just sleeping because Die's showing no signs of pain or collision from the car.

You have written Kaoru perfectly (although you probably know him better than me, so this is a kind of redundant comment). Show no emotion and retain your dignity. That’s what Kaoru taught us and even beside his best friend’s deathbed, his expression was carefully constructed, almost disinterested. It's a really sad image, but all people cope with loss in different ways. I think that in a way he's scared of showing his emotions - he doesn't want to show any sign of weakness and only lets his emotions loose when he's all alone.

I think this line is closely linked to the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" or whatever the hell it is (I can't remember exactly but it's something like that XD). The squiggles had stopped, the dreadful, irritating beeping had stopped and I remember begging for them to start again. Toshiya is begging for them to start again, he just wants five more minutes with Die. He wants things to be as they were before, before Die was hit by the car and before he was consigned to his hospital bed. Oh, and while I remember. This entire story reminds me of a lyric from one of my favourite songs, ACID by Ghostlines. I wouldn't link the whole song to this story, what with the fact it's about an acid trip and waking up in hospital the next day, but the line is handcuffed to a hospital bed just reminds me of this story so much. I was listening to it in-between reviewing and it makes me think of Toshiya "handcuffed" (not in the literal sense) to Die's bed, just hoping and wishing that everything will be okay. And unable to leave until he's able to hold Die once more.

The ending just did it for me. And I still imagine he was sleeping because death is an ugly word. That was a perfect way to end it, this story has made me cry a lot. It's rare that a story can affect me as much as this one, so I really commend you on a story well written. I'm definitely linking this on my homepage.

:arms: