Chances. - Comments

This was probably made years ago now but if you do get this, this was super awesome but does he live or die? Just out of curioustity

This is my first time reading this, and I don't even know if you get on Mibba anymore,
but anyways,
This story, is so majorly beautiful that I want to rip my hair out. I actually cried.
It's beautiful.
Ugh.
It's just so amazing.
mehhhh.
<3

xoxocat.

Ahh.. totally beautiful! I love it!

GOOD LORD

That was brilliant.
I was not expecting to be so blown away when I started to read this story. It was so sad and hopeful and sweet and beautiful. I just loved the way Frank and Gerard changed throughout the course of the story. It was just lovely.

I think that with some writers, this is a risky storyline. For some people writing stories like this, they portray the older character the wrong way and make them seem like they really are taking advantage. But you had the talent and skill to pull this off beautifully.

I wish I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about this story, but I really am quite speechless. I just think that the idea was wonderful. When I went to read this story I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was very pleasantly surprised with what I found.

When I saw that the chapter was called "I have a hole in my heart", I didn't take it literally. I thought it was going to be a story about Frank and Gerard breaking up or something, so I took it metaphorically. I thought it was adorable nonetheless.

I love how the sex scene was so sweet, and the way that it was everything Frank wanted. The way you described Gerard's kisses made me just melt. My little heartstrings tugged whenever Frank thought about how he wanted things to last forever, even though he knew they couldn't.

Does he die? I really, really hope not. I like how you left it on a cliffhanger in that way, though. It made me think about how Gerard would react if he did, and then how their relationship would progress if he didn't. I liked that, because I was extending the story in my own imagination.

Finally, that paragraph right at the end.

It's strange, how much certain people can affect one another, and how it seems like they were meant to change each other. The happy, brave boy that skips down the stairs is not the same boy that had turned up uninvited the night before and told Gerard how he was most likely going to die the next day. The man watching the boy run off to have a life-altering surgery is not the same man as the one who opened the door with a surprised face and then listened to the boy's sad story and bad odds.

They took their chances when they were offered to them, and it changed their lives.

I was actually sobbing. I just sat for a few moments, thinking about the story and the moral of it. You did such a brilliant job with this story; it was a pleasure to read. Amazing.

I thought that was fantastic. I've read a lot of Frerards and I think this is my favourite so far. Very happy you entered my contest. FANTASTIC JOB!!!

I've been meaning to read this for a long time now, when you posted in the what update are you writing thread, and I've finally read it, and I wish I had read it sooner! This was fantastic, Erika. You're a very talented writer, and this honestly was just so perfect. Just everything about it makes me go all , even the sex part which I normally avoid at all costs.
I wish I could write as well as you, well done. :arms:

Incredible, incredible, incredible, incredible, incredible, incredible.
And so, so beautiful. I can hardly believe it. Everything about it was perfect. It was realistic, and unique, and the ending is absolutely perfect.

Amazing.

Words can't even describe how beautiful this is.
It was sweet and sexy and innocent and tragic and horrifying and tear-jerking and brilliant.
I love how you left the ending open. In the beginning, I was sure Frank was going to die, but in the end he really believed he was going to live which I think made him survive.
The sex was incredibly realistic, which is such a relief. It didn't feel as 'predictable' as sex scenes I've read in the past. It was really interesting to read.
This is definitley one of the best things I've ever read. You are an absolutley incredible writer. I'll definitley be looking at more of your stories.

This was one of the best two-shots I've ever read!
Although I usually stick with long stories and occassional one-shots, this was just too amazing. Really, even though it's complete, I'm subscribing anyway, just so I can read it over and over again.
I've never seen such a storyline on Mibba; I really admire it for being so unique and esoteric and obscure. It was just brilliant - it all worked so well together.
The characters were portrayed excellently. It was simply a joy to read.
I love the way you wrote the sex too; I'm glad you didn't attempt to make it kinky or anything, because it fit so much better as it was, beautiful and romantic. It was also tragic, and I enjoy the element of melancholy very much.
The morals and undertones were very strong, relevant and clear - this is something I adore, because many writers have trouble adding reasons and themes that are a bit more subtle than the face-value of the text.
The last few "summing up" paragraphs were also wonderful - I really hope Frank survived, though I think the way you left it was very sosphisticated and interpretive.
I hope you're extremely proud of this story - it is incredible.
It is an honour that you took the time to write this story and post it for the rest of us to read.
Really, well done, and thank you so much!
:hug: :arms:

So, I said I wasn't going to read this until I got home from my holiday, but I couldn't wait in the end, so I decided to read it there and review it when I got home. Well...I'm home nao :brightside:

Firstly...Thank you for the ded :arms: :arms:

I love the image of Gerard huddled in a dark room with a comic. I makes me all *squish* because I can just totally imagine it :XD I think I kind of also like how you go into detail about Gerards frustrations and worries and problems, because it's like...later on in the story, they just become totally irrelevant. Things get put in perspective for him I guess. Hell. Things got put in perspective for me after reading this!

You made Franks first appearance quite awkward which kind of enhanced Gerards confusion apart from just saying "Gerard was confused blah-blahblah-blahblah...". You establish that Frank is Mikeys best friend and that then sets in confusion for the reader as well. It becomes all around confusion. I like stories where I feel involved :con: :lmfao

When Frank says that he's only there because he felt like visiting Gerard, there's something about it that when I read it the first time, I didn't really notice, but reading it now, just...the way he says it and stuff kind of shows that it was more than just 'I felt like visiting' it's like...Frank totally needed to be there, the reader+Gerard just don't know why. I'm kind of upset I missed that the first time I read it.

Franks homework comment omgno: Another thing I didn't really take much notice of the first time. Jeez, I'm making it sound like I skim read things the first time...I don't mean it like that...I mean...it just seems like a passing statement. Everyone can relate to the amount of homework they get, and how much time it takes up, but its like...when you explain to the reader through Frank whats happening that like "far too time-consuming". It clicks a whole lot more, because Frank doesn't necessarily have time, and he's just wasting what he might just have doing homework.

God. I wish I could do that! Interject little tiny pieces of information that seem irrelevant and/or just passing statements, but actually have them be something really like...important and :cheese:

Thank you for not making Gerard fall to his knees sobbing or like...getting really awkward. You made him curious! He's only human, he's bound to be curious. I'd have so many questions to ask if I met someone with a heart defect.
I say this in every comment, so I don't need to elaborate when I say: REALISM! :arms:

Is...I'll feel so stupid if this is wrong...Is the apple, in the painting, is it Frank? Like obviously Gerard didn't paint it as Frank because he didn't know about the whole heart thing, but an apple, shaped like a heart with a chunk missing, and then Franks line "I have a hole in my heart" (btw, so simple but so fuckin' heart-wrenching at the same time! )

Again, Gerard doesn't get up and hug Frank and all that stuff because like you've already established. They're not friends. You continue his curiousity and through that, it means that not only he gets to find out all of this detail about Frank but so the reader can too. Jeez, so many authors would have put every detail about the heart-defect into some monolouge from Frank and that'd be like...a real downer.

"Because I'm so old"
The irony in that line is aboslute gold. He isn't old at all. He's fifteen, he's barely lived...but he's still old in terms of having an operation like this.

Gerard finds the flaw in Franks reasoning for going to see him and that leads Frank to admit "I just wanted to see you, thats all,"
Even the first time I read that, my mind zoomed straight back to a line from the...well, I don't know what paragraph, but one near the top when it says about what Mikey had said to Gerard about Franks crush on him. I just knew there was something more after putting two and two together.

When Gerard is ranting about how Frank is crazy for going to New York on his own, it made me think that, that was probably the exact opposite of the reaction Frank would have wanted. He's already said that everyones treating him like he's already gone, like he's not capable of doing things, Gerard reacting the way he did just shows how much Frank probably gets that at home from his parents.

"Because I wanted to do something on my own for once. I'm sick of being babied all the time, never being allowe to do stuff without an adult present...If I'm going to die tomorrow, I wanted to have been out in the real world, lived a real life, even if only for a short while."
Oh Frankie
That is all I can say about that.

I loved Gerards question, what does it feel like. Because that is something that no-one can understand unless they've been through it. I mean, you haven't (have you...omg...if you have I didn't know..:cheese:) but you've managed to portray perfectly exactly what I'd think it'd feel like. Scary is an obvious word, its one that anyone and everyone would use but then Frank carries on and I welled up, literally.

I think it's so gorgeous that Frank wants to spend what could possibly be his last night alive, with Gerard

The bit where Frank says he doesn't want to go to bed because it wastes time reminds me so much of The Dove Keeper. Where Gerard just despises sleep because that time could be spent doing something productive as opposed to just being half unconscious. Obviously with this story its a totally different situation because Gerard was never having life-changing surgery in The Dove Keeper, but the principle is kinda the same.

You read stories sometimes (I mean real life, not fiction) about people with not much time to live, only fifty/fifty chances of survival etc and they go out and they do all of these amazing things and experience all of this stuff that's just so...out of this world. I think for Frank, just sitting on the sofa watching a movie with Gerard curled up to him like that was definately on his To Do list.

When Frank admitted he'd never kissed anyone, I knew what was coming. But I did love, that you had Gerard either chosing not to understand, or really not understanding the hints that Frank was dropping. *squee* I loved it.

"Your first kiss should be special"
Oh Gerard. You oblivious fool. *sigh*

Oh my. This is supposed to be quite emotional, but you said 'Gerard's big, warm hand' and I kinda died a little :yah: :weird:
I have a thing for big hands, sue me :hand: :lmfao

The kiss it's self was beautiful I can't write kissing to save my life, but if I could write it, I'd want it to be like that. You kept it real, and a little awkward - and confusing for Frank - but it was so so so so perfect at the same time.

When Gerard didn't answer Frank when he asked if he was gonna make it...I nearly started crying. I just wanted him to say yes, Frankie, you're going to make it. Then he seemed so adament that Frank was going to be okay, and even though that was what I wanted to hear, I half wondered if it was going to be some twisted foreshadowing that he really wasn't going to be okay.

I'll be honest, after reading Croquis which was so happy happy ...but ended how it did, I was kind of prepared for Frank to die. But I don't wanna talk about the ending yet, so forget I said that....

When Frank asks Gerard "What if I'm not strong enough?" I kind of fear that he doesn't answer because...he can't. Because he isn't really 100% sure himself that Frank is strong enough, and I can understand why he wouldn't want to admit that, because it sounds like a really bad thing to say.

When Frank admits that he wants to have sex with Gerard, I think that Gerard reacts normally, he's shocked, y'know? But it's also kinda...I don't know. When he said "Not to mention that you only want this because...because of something in your head I can't even understand."
You're right Gerard, you cant :| Probably never will.

"I'm scared of missing out on all the good things in life."
Listen to the boy Gerard dammit! Thats like...a pretty damn huge compliment right there. He wants to experience something that is so important and so...just...it's something that a lot of people do, it's pretty important in todays society, it's something that people feel they need to do. Virginity is kind of a big deal, and Gerard just isn't realising that Frank could have picked anyone. Well...not anyone, but...it's the fact he's so sure that he wants to do it with Gerard, y'know?
Shit. I'm not making any sense here.
"You're the only person who can do this for me"
See Gerard! Listen dammit! :crazy:
I totally get too crazy over characters

I love Gerards concern after he finally agrees. It makes me all

:yah
I have this weird thing with necks. I kinda love stories which involves neck/ear kissing/sucking/devouring. Hell, even just neck/ear touching for it is a weakness of my own :XD And dayum. I wish Frank'd let Gerard leave a mark :file: :XD No. Kidding. This are serious business in serious story. It makes sense that he can't. But still. *whines*
Okay, I'll stop with the neck stuff now :shifty

Franks notice of detail, what Gerard tastes like and how he feels and touches every inch of Gerard that he can, just because, as has been stated, he doesn't know if he'll ever get that chance again. It's like he's taking everything in.

I think all the mentions of Franks heart and his heart beat are really important. Like...in any story with a sex-scene, there's bound to be something in there somewhere about how heard someones heart is beating, but in this story it just seems so much more important. Like...I totally felt like I needed to keep a note of it, because I didn't want too much strain put on his heart (He's a fictional character. Look what you've done to me!!! lmao!) and thats totally how Gerard was feeling too! It's like...I don't know how you did it, but at so many points you have the reader in the exact place as Gerard y'know? It's weird. Not in a bad way, it's totally awesome. I just...yeah. [/rambling]

"Their two hearts are beating almost in sync"
Thats the same as the point I made above. Gerards heart is beating just as hard and fast as Franks, but it's not as dangerous for him. His heart can beat that fast without it causing him possible death.

Necksnecksnecksnecks [/weirdobsessionssorry:shifty]

I love that Gerard kind of teases a little. I think it's great because it makes the whole thing a lot more normal. Not so much "Frank is dying and needs me to do this" and routine. Yeah, that was a good detail.

Gerard is so reassuring. It makes me all :brightside:
This doesn't even have anything to do with Franks Op. It's general and normal fear, and again, adds to the normalcy thats kind of needed to make the entire thing worth it.

MORE REALISM
I'm sick of seeing virgin!fics where they like...enjoy it straight away. Its like...it's gonna hurt, I don't understand how people don't realise this.

Frank doesn't even really enjoy it that much at first, which again, is natural, and again, is something that people miss out and makes me all :grr:

I never go into much detail in reviews about sex scenes, because I feel kinda weird admitting that yeah, they are pretty hot :shifty :lmfao but yeah, I will say that you have some real, real talent *fans self*

When it went on to the next morning, I was like "Here it is, op day," but then I looked over the the sidebar thing, and saw that there wasn't really much left. And it's not that I don't have faith in you (and at this point I wasn't sure what was going to happen, of course) but I just honestly didn't believe that you could write the morning, and the op, and the results of the op in that time. I just...it confused me. But I carried on reading, instead of cheating and going to the end to inspect :tehe: :XD

Their waking up together was :brightside:

The way you pointed out Gerards concern as to how he was acting was very well done. I'm not sure many people would know how to act around someone who they'd slept with last night, and was going to have life or death surgery later in the day. He even admits that later one though, doesn't he? *checks*
Yeah, "I don't. I just don't know how to act. I don't know how you want me to act..."
Perfect.

"I'll probably feel a lot worse tomorrow"
I could have cried from happiness when I read that. In part one, there was no tomorrow. It was just...surgery and nothing, because he was so sure he wasn't going to make it, he was...he needed to do everything because he wasn't going to make it, but in the end of part two he's so much more possitive. And I love that. This story...it's a really sad story line, it's terrible that something like this is happening to someone so young, but you've kept it light-hearted through the fact that Frank is with Gerard, and although he's disappointed that he can't see all these places, do all these different things, being with Gerard is good enough. I think to have that positivity, and so close to the end as well, just makes it...It made me feel less worried about his surgery. But at the same time more worried, because I read Croquis :grr: lmfao

"Can you be there when I wake up tomorrow?"
:crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
Thankyou.

When I saw that you didn't put what happened to Frank, I could have hugged you and killed you at the same time. At first I stared at the screen like :zomg: she's really not gonna tell us?
But then I thought about it, and I realised that as the story progressed, it became less and less about Franks heart defect and more and more about...about these two people who are just...so different but at the same time they're so a like. And they really needed each other.

My personal opinion on the ending, I think Frank made it. I think he survived. Firstly, because like I said, it's a terrible and sad stroy line, but it's also quite light-hearted in the sense that it's not constant "I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadie" and all of that talk at the end, about how sure Frank is that he's going to make it...I think that if Frank was going to die after that...you probably would have written it. I don't know why I think that. Maybe because it'd have the shock factor...
Secondly I think it because you finished with "They took their chances when they were offered them, and it changed their lives." (Firstly, that it absolutely gorgeous!). That sounds really positive to me. Thats what makes me think Frank made it, more than my above point.

I mean...I think I prefer not knowing, not being sure. I think it was an amazing idea to not say.

Damn. Just...
I think back to those first few chapters of 'Someone out there loves you after all' and they werern't bad...they were really good, but from that, from something that was already good, you've come so far and you've gotten more and more amazing. Ugh. You're fantastic! :arms:

i almost cried its that good! love it!

I agree with everything Bethany said. The ending was perfect. I feel Frank survived, but leaving it open-ended made it much more interesting. This was such a touching, sad but sweet story. I absolutely loved it.

This is superb. This is most definately one of my favourite Frerard two-shots. I loved the ending, even though we didn't find out if Frank did survive the operation, but it was better left that way.
You are definately one of the best writers on Mibba!

CLAIM! :crazy:

I'm proud of this story, and everyone should read this and love it as much as I did. This story is definitely a miracle in your writing; keep giving us your talent, Erikababe.
:arms:

-----

I loved this. Frank is the most beautiful scared character I’ve ever met, seriously. His fear of not dying but missing out on the greatest things totally masks one of my biggest real life fears, and I identify with him in too many points through this whole story. Therefore, I don’t know if there’s much more I can say; I loved how he was so scared about the surgery and its consequences, and I like how the narrator mentioned that Gerard had once heard Mikey say that Frank had a crush on him, but it didn’t matter for the rest of the night. Frank just wanted to live and Gerard wanted to give him that, because he probably knew there was nothing better than doing what he wanted and feel that rush of freedom winds against his face.

These are great characters, and it might seem that it all happened very quickly, but it gives the story even more sense. Frank was fragile and Gerard willing to eradicate that feeling, so they ‘work’ together to fight against it. I bet Gerard wanted to be influenced by Frank’s forced maturity, because the narrator mentions it various times, how Frank evolved as a person when he was only 15 years old. I think he reflects a lot about you, since you’re really mature for your age too, so I’m very proud of this character in a lot of ways. It’s Frank and it’s unique, but in the same way it’s a little bit of you; and his words are so needy yet wise, because he just wants to live but he knows he still needs to be careful, and there are a lot of things Frank’s not telling us but I don’t really need to know about them.

In the end, the most exciting part is not knowing if Frank dies or lives, because it doesn’t matter. He proved himself with Gerard, by living and enjoying it through the love and the pain, and he managed to reach his goals at the age of 15, so he would either die or live happy within his mind. I love him for that too; no matter what happens, he’ll be just happy with it (:

Concluding, I approve this story and hope you get all the prizes you deserve from all your talent! It changed my life too.