August 24th, 2009 at 11:20pm
So when I first saw the title I was curious. It's a really good lyric to use in reference to the actually one shot. It's clever how the word 'art' from the title then becomes quite significant because the girl in your one shot seems to have mastered the 'art' of having been with the two boys but not having been caught as such. Okay the way I said it makes her sound slutty, which she isn't, but you get my drift I hope.
Argh I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of the 'Supposed Lover' and the 'Actual Lover' so much. Seriously Laura where did that one come from? It's so clever because you don't give names, and admittedly I thought of John as the Supposed Lover but I'm just a major fan girl for him :tehe: But it's such a good idea because as a reader you can 'choose' the boys and it gives it a universality because the reader is flexible. More over I like how the female doesn't have a name either. The whole mystery is intriguing and you can put yourself easily into the position of the girl
From the start I like the conflict, how love is put in inverted commas. It shows that she really doesn't believe in what she and the Supposed Lover have. However the word Supposed is pretty loose because it means that there could always be that possibility that he could potentially be the 'Actual Lover'.
I love how both of them are so different, for example how the SL (Supposed Lover sorry I'm lazy :tehe:) is able to sleep peacefully and she is wide awake. It shows how comfortable he is with her and how is isn't worried about going to sleep because he assumes that she's going to be there when he wakes up.
Her mind was elsewhere. It certainly wasn't in the bed beside her Supposed Lover. It was away, lying beside her Actual Lover, the man she adored. Sorry to quote so much but that really got to me. I think it's the word adored because it's such an intense word. Pretty much it's another word for love but then again it isn't. Does that makes sense?
The whole scene is pretty upsetting actually. The SL seems to really care for her, you can tell by the little things such as the way that his fingers graze her skin, so it's all the more sad that she doesn't feel anything and that compared to the AL it's nothing. But the imagery in this paragraph was perfect. It's interesting because she knows what she has to do, and at first she's all fired up to go. Then once she leaves and sees what she sees she doesn't have the guts to see the clean break through which is really sad.
But her determination at first is admirable, it shows how passionate she can get when it's something she really cares about She wanted this. No, she needed this. She needed to be with the reckless boy, the Actual Lover. I\d love to quote the whole paragraph but that wouldn't be much help to you :tehe: I love how you bring in the wisdom of the mother, it's funny because in the end she's right and it's sad at the same time because everyone else seems to know so much more about her life and what she's doing wrong.
Bah the build up was fantastic and then
ah so sad. You can really sense the energy and the whole 'sneaking around' kind of thing. How she dressed herself under the cover of the night sky is pretty symbolic. It's as if she's not quite ready to come out with their relationship but then her running to him shows that's she willing to make it work at all costs.Like I said the whole build up from the familiar house to the end of the paragraph really got to me. She's so comforted by everything that has to do with the AL, even by the normal house. You can see that she just longs for normality with him: to be able to do what all the other couple do to, go out and be open about their relationship without having to hide it. Ah that bit was so sad and you did it really well. It wasn't overly clique and not too understated.
The irony is that after this she runs again. I can understand whey she'd run back to the SL. The whole fact is that he isn't reckless but he's there for her in ways that the AL isn't. You can tell that she does have some feelings for the SL because she thinks If only the Supposed Lover and the Actual Lover could become the same person. That was really upsetting too, because it just shows her confusion.
The Supposed Lover was ever the same. In a way that was reassuring, because it shows that he's always there for her, regardless of the fact that she doesn't feel the same as him. You can tell that he really does love her by the way he says it to her when he's half asleep but still sounding so sincere].
I love the way you ended this, it's like there's always hope for her to grow past the AL and find her happiness with the SL. It does she that she has feelings for the latter and maybe by letting go of the AL she can move forward. My first reaction though was once I finished reading was 'damn is that the end already? Where's the next chapter?' :tehe:
This was fantastic Laura and something you should really be proud of. I'm going to rec the hell out of it. :tehe:
I like how the Supposed Lover is instantly made out to be safe and secure. The Supposed Lover was sleeping peacefully, his toned, tattooed chest rising and falling with each steady breath he took. There's nothing different about him; there's nothing that really stands out. He's just...normal. it's the choice of words. He slept "peacefully" and his breathing was "steady". It shows that he's a person that's always going to be there, he's not a reckless person and is a very constant person. And this is what makes him safe, he's reliable and just...there.
And this emphasises the fact that the Actual Lover is so much more interesting and exciting to her than the Supposed Lover could be. Her mind was elsewhere. It certainly wasn't in the bed beside her Supposed Lover. It was away, lying beside her Actual Lover, the man she adored. I liked this description, it shows how in love she is with the Actual Lover, she's not just thinking of him, she's lying next to him. That's all she can think of and she's trying to pretend that he's the person that's lying in the bed next to her instead of the Supposed Lover.
This was so sad to read. No goosebumps formed at his touch, no butterflies erupted in the pit of her stomach at the mere thought of him. She wants to feel this for him, she wants to feel all of this when she's with the Supposed Lover, but she knows very well that these are what she feels for the Actual Lover. I also like the way these feelings are described, they're very realistic and they describe love perfectly - except she's not feeling love for the "right" person, so to speak.
I cut this quote a bit because there was one bit I really wanted to focus on. She longed to have his calloused hands roaming her body. This shows that the Actual Lover has imperfections and this is a reason for why she wants to be with him, rather than the Supposed Lover. The Supposed Lover is too perfect - if that makes sense - and she wants a bit of danger in her life. She likes that he has imperfections and I like the way that you portrayed this, because it was subtle but still there. She just aches to be with him, even if she knows it can never happen.
And this shows that she's just so willing to throw it all away just to be with the Actual Lover. But that was a risk she was willing to take. If he left, he left. If he stuck around, she'd be more than happy to stay with him. But there's something inside her that stays with the Supposed Lover, despite all of this. She's not taken the risk yet and I think that's the reason whys she can never be with the Actual Lover. She's not as big a risk-taker as him and there's a part of her that always wants to be safe, and safe is the Supposed Lover (I hope that made sense).
This was one of the most important lines in the story, imo. Two silhouettes appeared, and it was those two shapes that broke her heart in two. The Actual Lover was with someone else. Kissing her, caressing her, whispering false promises. The same act he'd performed all his life. This is the reason for why she can never be with the Actual Lover. He's just a user, he knows what to say in order to make the women fall head over heels for him. And I think that deep down inside herself, she knew he was like this, and this was why she'd not dropped everything to go and be with him. This is why she's with the Supposed Lover, because he's only got eyes for her.
This is the Supposed Lover in a nutshell. The Supposed Lover lacked passion, he wasn't reckless, life with him wasn't exciting, but he was safe and secure. She does love him, but the love that she feels for him is nothing compared to the Actual Lover. But he's safe and secure, which are the only things that the Actual Lover can't be.
I thought this was really sweet and I loved this little fluffy moment (BTW, I love how you can go straight from angst to upset without making it come out all shitty, you have a knack of getting it perfect). She leaned over, tracing the lettering on his chest, the gentle movements making him wake up. I like this little moment they shared, it's like she's pretending that he's the Actual Lover, in her mind, and it's really sad to read but at the same time really sweet. She really does care about him.
It was a perfect note to end on. she hoped that one day, the Supposed Lover would become the Actual Lover. She's always hoping that some day the Supposed Lover will change; he'll become more exciting and dangerous like the Actual Lover, and I think that's one of the reasons why she's still with him - she knows that he's safe and secure and if he gains more of the qualities of the Actual Lover then she won't feel as bad for being in love with another man.
I loved this. It was so sad and beautifully written. :arms: