Awh, that was so sad. I loved the mix of romance and heartbreak in the story – it made for a very good read (:
I thought the story started off really well, with the two of them together, on stage – doing what they do best. At first I thought that it was written in Bert’s POV, I don’t know why but I thought it was really good when I found out it wasn’t, as it shows that the reader doesn’t always know everything, or things aren’t always what they seem.
I thought the whole “I hate you, baby” thing was extremely clever, how they seem to be each other’s worst enemies, but unable to stay away from each other (in the first half, at least.) I think this theory is supported by the way Gerard had been annoyed by the way Bert was singing, but moments later lost in the desire to kiss him. I think it portrays perfectly a completely dysfunctional relationship. I think it’s really good.
I thought that the whole ‘romantic evening’ was set out really nicely, and I loved the death threats to the rest of the band if they came in, as it shows a deeper aspect of the understanding of your character – it shows you thought about the situation more than just the obvious. I also liked where you mentioned the lipstick, but I think you should have dragged it out a bit, maybe have made Bert mention it, or describe it somewhere later on.
There would only be a couple of titchy tiny things I would change about this one-shot; I would have loved for the ending to have been a bit longer, either when Gerard actually broke up with him, or how Bert reacted after Gerard walked out. I thought it was extremely cruel how Gerard pressed repeat on the CD to which they’d been so intimate to only a couple of minutes before. I loved it. The other thing I would have changed is the font you used for your story content, it might just be me, but I find it hard to read that font and I had to change it back to the default layout, which upset me because other than that I loved your layout (:
I thought the story started off really well, with the two of them together, on stage – doing what they do best. At first I thought that it was written in Bert’s POV, I don’t know why but I thought it was really good when I found out it wasn’t, as it shows that the reader doesn’t always know everything, or things aren’t always what they seem.
I thought the whole “I hate you, baby” thing was extremely clever, how they seem to be each other’s worst enemies, but unable to stay away from each other (in the first half, at least.) I think this theory is supported by the way Gerard had been annoyed by the way Bert was singing, but moments later lost in the desire to kiss him. I think it portrays perfectly a completely dysfunctional relationship. I think it’s really good.
I thought that the whole ‘romantic evening’ was set out really nicely, and I loved the death threats to the rest of the band if they came in, as it shows a deeper aspect of the understanding of your character – it shows you thought about the situation more than just the obvious. I also liked where you mentioned the lipstick, but I think you should have dragged it out a bit, maybe have made Bert mention it, or describe it somewhere later on.
There would only be a couple of titchy tiny things I would change about this one-shot; I would have loved for the ending to have been a bit longer, either when Gerard actually broke up with him, or how Bert reacted after Gerard walked out. I thought it was extremely cruel how Gerard pressed repeat on the CD to which they’d been so intimate to only a couple of minutes before. I loved it. The other thing I would have changed is the font you used for your story content, it might just be me, but I find it hard to read that font and I had to change it back to the default layout, which upset me because other than that I loved your layout (:
Thank you so much for entering!
ZombieBeth xx