First off, let me just say that I love this style of narration. I never see a decent story written by this point of view here on Mibba, so this was rather refreshing.
Your lack of contractions in the story was a little distracting, though. Even in narration, it's okay to use "you're" and "it's," and etc more often. You got better about it as the story went on, but the beginning came off as rather choppy because of that.
I feel this is a very empathetic story. Most of us have been there before, in one way or another, and again - it was interesting to see the transition continue to be told to that person, as well, even after he cheated and they were over.
First off, let me just say that I love this style of narration. I never see a decent story written by this point of view here on Mibba, so this was rather refreshing.
Your lack of contractions in the story was a little distracting, though. Even in narration, it's okay to use "you're" and "it's," and etc more often. You got better about it as the story went on, but the beginning came off as rather choppy because of that.
I feel this is a very empathetic story. Most of us have been there before, in one way or another, and again - it was interesting to see the transition continue to be told to that person, as well, even after he cheated and they were over.
Well done!