Edges of Perfection - Comments

The story strips a very delicate subject to the bare bones and evokes the reader's deepest sympathy for the protaganist who can only emerge from the chaos of her emotions either stronger or as a shell of her former self. I'm hoping she emerges as a stronger person who no longer has to rely on Micah to get by.

I also hope Micah gets his just desserts or at least suffers scarring emotional pain at the hands of Aph. :D Probably won't happen but I like the thought. Or a pack of Rotweilers should maul him. :3

But strangely I also feel sorry for Micah seeing as he's really regretting what he's done and that he really does love her. Or does he? Damn him.

This took me longer than I thought it would 'cause I got distracted by dinner and food and stuff. >.<

ANYWAY, to get 'em out of the way, things that might be errors/confused me:
I woke up covered in a thin film of sweat which I put down to everything nut my dream. Not sure what that's meant to be. Not? But?

I did absolutely nothing except wonder round the house Pretty sure it would be wander.

They took advantage of my confusion, and slipped in. Shouldn't it be he?

Keeping my locked in. Should be me.

There was nothing that I had done that would make me want to hurt him like that. I'm feeling it should be there was nothing that I had done that would make him want to hurt me like that, but you probably weren't going for that anyway.

Most recent on s from Micah Should be ones, I reckon.

Okay. Now that I have nitpicked and prodded to my heart's content, I LOVED IT. Well. It was incredibly depressing and I think Micah's even more of a twat than before and he is really, really confusing me, but it was still kinda lovely and poetic in a, well, in a tortured and depressing way.

I just want Aph to be happy and for Micah to take the hint and realised he's been a selfish bastard and leave her alone. And maybe for Addy to beat him to a pulp. That would be kinda cool.

Just kidding. I could never condone violence, no, not me.

I'm curious now, though, which part did you hate?

So I stumbled upon this wonderful piece of writing... and then I found myself here.
Hehe, just kidding. This is amazing. It starts off all light-hearted and innocent and it slowly gets more and more sinister and you just know something terrible is going to happen and then BAM. He rapes her.

Your writing is wonderfully expressive and you can just see it playing out in front of you. You can really feel the emotions, too, especially at the end of the first chapter when you can see her almost hollow with her hatred.

Only thing I will say is the spacing on the second chapter is wacked. It's really hard to read because there aren't any gaps between paragraphs. But it's also amazing. It's so realistically written, from her paralysing shyness to her fear that she might be raped again to her budding friendship with Perdita. She could really do with a friend at the moment, especially if Micah's her only friend. I feel so bad for Aphy and though I kind of liked Micah at the start, I'm beginning to hate him. He's just making things worse. Perdita seems nice, though. I hope she can help Aphy work out her issues.

Anyway, update soon. I'm hooked. I demand more.

beautiful, amazing, entrancing, wonderful, fulfilling?
those words can't possibly begin to describe this writing,
this story... all of it. From beginning to end I was hooked.
This was such a magnificent pieced of work.
Honest.

Wow. Your writing is just.. entrancing.
I held my breath at the possibility of a broken friendship.
I almost cried along with Aphy at the thoughts she expressed.
And I definitely felt the hate described towards the end.

All in one chapter. Wow.
I can't wait to read more. :]