Romantic - Comments

Goodness.
This was really, really good. Your writing style is fantastic. The descriptions and the language flow together to make this story really, really good.
I love these few lines:
Suddenly, the same shiver runs down two different spines.
It just...shows so much into the characters and how they feel about each other, and it's really, really great.
At least, she would, if she could get over her paralyzing nerves and if Ms. Gallagher would sit the fuck down already.
I thought it was funny, the way fuck was thrown in there without any other cuss words needed was great as well.

I'm normally not one for femmeslash, it was great. Brilliantly written, and the ending was just fantastic. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Very well done.

Omg...I'm so glad you PM-ed me I'd forgotten to read this...
I loved it.
Although the subject matter isn't something that would normally have apealed it me you wrote it amazingly.

"Suddenly, the same shiver runs down two different spines."

Little things like that just won me over. I can't deny for a second that you're amazingly talented.

The ending "not yet baby" ... wow.

I don't know what else to say. But thank you for making me read it.

This was absolutely stunning.
When I pieced together that it was a teacher/student, I was expecting the usual hetero or male teacher with a male student, I've never seen a femmeslash teacher/student, so that at once
made this story stand out.
Your description and elegance in writing is just mindblowing. Most writers have stuttering paragraphs
and descriptions in these types of stories, to add to the effect, but you compeletely ignored that
and made it absolutely beautiful with your eloquent sentences. Seriously, there were so many descriptions and lines that made my jaw drop, I can't name them all. But most of the people
who have already commented mentioned my favourite lines.
This is amazing, seriously amazing.

One Shot For One Shot

Alright, I've never really been one for femmeslash so if my review really isn't up to par I apologize.

It's Thursday, going on ten o'clock; what is she doing there?
That is an awfully good question. I don't know - but I sure as hell want to.

Suddenly, the same shiver runs down two different spines.
I adore this line. Simply adore it.

"I like... green."
Bitch, me too!! Awesome :)

"Not yet, Baby."
Best way to end it! Ever!

Okay - so overall, this was like, a pretty amazing piece of work. I am envious of your writing style, and your ability to portray these characters so descriptive and emotionally. Wonderful. I loved everything about this, and I really wouldn't be able to pick out one thing that I didn't like - even though, like I said, I'm not really into femmeslash. But I guess when a writer, such as yourself, has such a wonderful writing ability, it doesn't really matter the genre.

Great, great job!

Hi judey. It's review time. This might be slightly biased because I love you & because I love everything you write. But since I'm a sneaky ryh0, everything think is lies shall be truth and everything you think is truth shall be lies. So basically, this entire review is really truth, but you're gunna think it's lies since you don't fully believe me when i say YOU'RE AN AMAZING WRITER!

Anyway, shall we start?

• It's Thursday, going on ten o'clock; what is she doing there?
  - I like how it's a Thursday rather than the typical saturday, and how you started off with a questions.
• The imagery & wording of the first paragraph was really lovely!
• "Will you dance with me?" I'm a little confused on who asked that question. I love how it's a stand-alone (without 'said') However, it's slightly confusing on who said it.
• ...finally looks her in the eye. In the eye? Does she have only one eye? Or is that how the expression goes? I always thought it was 'eyes.'
• ...get over her paralyzing nerves and if Ms. Gallagher would sit the fuck down already. I love the tone of that whole sentence. the ending made me giggle out loud.
• ...Jamie slows as she gets closer to Emily, feeling herself start to tremble; The wording was wonderful in that paragraph; but it was a little strange for you to suddenly reference Ms. Gallagher as Emily and then stop.
• Suddenly, the same shiver runs down two different spines. omg, I think I said this before, but that line gives me shivers.
• The minor's smile twitches... A twitching smile? I've never heard that one before! I like it!
• "Not yet, Baby." Ending = love. Just sayin'.

I'm sorry my reviews failed, but I hope this was somewhat okay.
I love you, judeybaby!

omg, I am so sorry this has taken forever. first of all mibba wouldn't let me access your story, then the internetz wouldn't let me access mibba, and it was anarchy

Okay. So.
I love the layout by the way. It's simple, but I like it. And it doesn't hurt mai eyes.

I can honestly say that I was not expecting this. The style, your words are so natural and so easy to read and I could read your work all day. You explain things in such detail that it doesn't feel like your explaining anything at all. That doesn't make sense.. But you paint such a vivid picture with your words.

"Jamie thought only of strawberries and swore it was what she tasted,"

That was my favourite line. Nothing much, but it's so... I don't have a word. It's so, I dno. When I read that I thought of strawberries and I could taste strawberries and fuck I don't know where I'm going with this sentence but I loved it, I really did.

Also, I loved the fact that both of the characters were female. I think I would of felt a bit uneasy if it were a male teacher, or even a male student, but personally yknow I felt that both them being woman added to the beauty of your words. And I have no idea why.

"Emily kissed her again, and Jamie believed in everything."

I loved that too. Lord above, I loved all of it. You're stunning.

So when I beta'd this for you I loved it but I didn't wanna harp on it in the pm cause I wanted to fangirl in a comment. :XD

It's Thursday, going on ten o'clock; what is she doing there?
Right away, this grabs you. What is she doing there? I don't know. But I sure as fuck wanna find out.

Whether she's lost in thought or the darkness of the outside world (which can be taken literally or figuratively),
I love the religious undertone this story has. I'm not a religious person but I love how very slowly, you can see that the obviously religious values of these two women is very important to the story line, and to parts of the story you haven't written and maybe never will. In any case, it's quite beautiful.

"Will you dance with me?"
This was totally unexpected and at first it just seemed too random to me, like it wasn't going to work, but it DOES. I can just imagine how Jamie must have felt, knowing that Emily's request could have been totally innocent, but it could be totally something else - which it wasn't. My heart's like beating in place of Jamie's.

and if Ms. Gallagher would sit the fuck down already.
I LOVE THE USE OF FUCK THERE. It like... shouldn't fit the tone of this story, which is romantic (no pun intended haha) but it does, it shows Jamie's anticipation very well.

"Where and with who else?" Ms. Gallagher says,
I thought this was ridiculously clever. Like. XD It just made me laugh.

Suddenly, the same shiver runs down two different spines.
Doooohhhooooodd Juuuhhhooooddd are you srs rn? That is such a fucking epically beautiful line, like... where do you get this stuff? That's amazing. Omg. Omg.

Jamie obeyed and felt another pleasant shudder run through her as the woman's hand came to meet her hip.
The sexual tension between those two must be enormous if just one touch can make someone shudder like that. Or maybe it's just love.

Yeah, I'll go with the latter.

and how much trouble they could both get in; and how it was so much more than worth it.
My god. Jude, my favorite type of story involves forbidden/clandestine/impossible romance. And I'm very critical of it. And you have done fantastically. You have captured their emotions beautifully, realistically, and... ugh. I don't even know dude.

Another command slips past the older's lips and she starts to move, the minor following suit. Her eyes flutter again, her sight going from their feet to those eyes and all the perfect features which accompanied them; strawberry lips which whispered numbers -- one, two, three -- to raven hair barely reaching her shoulders to too-white skin which, combined with too much sunlight, could cause a tumor.
... I think I'll just die now. Strawberry lips? REALLY? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? THAT IS SO... UGH GORGEOUS. UGHGUGH.

"This is going somewhere, isn't it?" Jamie asks quietly, the fear which had filled her what now feels like hours ago but could not have been more than minutes returning.
Fear. Fear is an emotion most writers forget in stories like this. I think it's very important to include it, and you did. Amazing.

"Honestly... Are we going to hell for this?"
That's just... that's just so sad. That's really I can think of to describe it. That is so sad. To think that a love that is honestly as beautiful and pure as theirs is would make Jamie think she's going to hell just to give in to what is right... it's so fucking sad.

Emily kissed her again, and Jamie believed in everything.
And that is fucking perfect. FUCKING perfect.

Jude, this was amazing. Totally and utterly. You have a real way with words. I mean it.

I love you, honey. :arms:

I liked this very much jewfy.
it was excellent!
i loved it. for serious.

I love you, Meaghan.:XD
:arms: Truly. Thanks so much.

I already read this, but imma read it again and again and again because it's just so wonderful.
You're so good at writing.