Bloodstains - Comments

eyes and he said Frankie, that you? with his voice tiny and cracked and then Frank knew that it was only Gee, just Gee, not a zombie and definitely not dead.
^ shouldn`t that have quotes?(:

oh wait, you don`t have quotations like anywhere, oh yeah you do just not at the beggining

That was amazing(:<3 I wish I had more to tell you

:cheese: And the smileys!? Why don't they show up? Gahaha.

Okay so it won't let me edit. And I already see like three mistakes in my comment.
:finger:

Fucking hell it took me long enough to actually finish this review. I started typing it right after you posted it and well, obviously I got distracted. And sick. And well, you know me. Sorry about that. You know how much I loved it, and if you don’t well I hope you realize it now, because it was fucking fabulous and beautiful beyond belief. Shit, Vonn your writing reels me in and I’m in a whole other world every time, without fail. I love it. Only certain authors can do that for me.

But now on to the actually review:

He looked at the timer and saw that there were still 45 minutes left in the cycle, which made him feel the desperate restlessness of a child in line at the circus.

There’s something about this sentence that just made me stop. Then I had a flashback of when I went to the circus and it was actually really terrible, because I didn’t like that the ringleaders had whips and I cried.
I really thought the first paragraph was overall perfect in everyday, the visual it set for me was amazing and it was really just a wonderful start.

Gerard let his fingers slowly trace down his neck and the top of his bare chest, and the sticky feeling of the blood coating his skin made him shiver in revulsion. He didn't have to hold his hands up to the fluorescent light to know that there was blood caked underneath his fingernails - he could feel it underneath there, sticky and red and somehow threatening.

This actually turned me on in a sick sort of way. ~~ Or in a potentially normal way, I’m not to sure. The thought of all the blood makes my mind race. Love it.

What he would do if someone came downstairs and saw him pacing there, naked except for boxers, bloody and wide eyed - he didn’t know.

It kind of scares me how ridiculously well I can imagine this.

Gerard closed his eyes, clenched his fingers, and willed himself to keep breathing. He knelt down and sat with his back against the pulsating washing machine, the tears falling down his face and splashing onto his chest, washing away blood where they fell.

Oh Gee.

The dim lighting of the laundry room softened the harsh lines of Gerard’s body, and for a moment, Frank was frozen. Blood was smeared on his pale skin, obviously clotted and old, but still somehow vibrantly red enough to look threatening.

Gerard’s name tumbled out of Frank’s mouth before he even realized he was capable of speech

The way you write Vonn just makes my jaw drop. The pictures you can paint with your words are astounding.

But Gerard didn’t move. For one terrifyingly vivid moment, Frank thought, He’s dead, but then Gerard’s eyes flew open and he sat up, his movements slow, and for another terrifying moment Frank thought, He’s a fucking zombie, but then Gerard opened his mouth and tears gathered in his eyes and he said Frankie, that you? with his voice tiny and cracked and then Frank knew that it was only Gee, just Gee, not a zombie and definitely not dead.

I kinda giggled at that. Frank would think that Gee could possibly be a zombie :XD
As sad and heartbreaking it is, I love it when he’s vulnerable in stories. It makes me want to die, but well. ::cry

Gerard looked up at him, words caught in his choked throat, memories caught behind his watery eyes. For a minute Frank thought his heart was literally going to split in his chest, crack and break and decimate into a million tiny little pieces, because seeing someone as beautiful as Gerard in pain was just too much for him to handle.

Oh this made me want to cry. Just thinking of that.It wasn’t right, like a guitar without strings or a smile without happiness. But then Gerard started to speak, his words coming faster and faster along with his tears, and when he had finally finished he was crying harder than what seemed even possible.

The first sentence is quite beautiful, Vonn. As is the whole paragraph.


The detail throughout the entire story that Gee is telling Frankie is outstanding and the imagery makes me :cheese: :cheese: This sentence stood out to me in particular:

In a moment of wondrous stupor, Gerard dreamily reached up to touch his face, coming back to reality when he took his hand away and saw his fingertips had little drops of blood gathering in the center of the skin.

“I ran, Frankie. I just fucking ran as hard as I could,” and with that Gerard buried his head into Frank’s shoulder, sobbing with no dignity and even less grace.

Frank let him cry. He knew Gerard was a lot more sensitive than his artsy-alcoholic image let on, and he knew that this was going to haunt and plague Gerard for the rest of his life. He knew the effect killing someone had on people - oh, he knew very well.

My heart is breaking.

“Once, I saw my dad crying about a murder the Mafia did he was reading about in the newspaper. I never understood why it affected him so much until I realized he was crying the way a man cries when something has happened that he cannot control. I realized my dad was crying like he had done that to that man and his family. I realized my dad might be a bad man. He might be a killer. But then I realized that no matter what he does, he’s still my daddy. And I love him. So no matter what you’re about to tell me, Pete, it won’t make me love him any less,” Frank said, his words mature and slow, and Pete blinked and seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment.

This bit mesmerized me and I was in awe at how well and maturely Frankie took his father being in the Mafia. I loved it. And I love interaction with different band members in stories so I’m glad you worked Petey into this. :cute:

Gerard’s tears were tapering off and he seemed to be regaining some sort of semblance of control. Frank lifted his down-turned face up, one finger pulling on his sharp chin, and gazed into his eyes for a moment. They were not the eyes of a crazy person. Not the eyes of a murderer. They were the scared eyes of a boy, albeit a beautiful one, and Frank knew at that moment that it didn’t matter what Gerard had done - he would do everything in his power to make sure he was safe.

This makes my heart melt over and over. I read it about five times, because each time my insides ached and oh it’s so heart wrenching. But beautiful, nonetheless.

“Are the tears gone?” Frank asked Gerard, his eyes tracing the clean tracks his tears made on his face.

“Think so,” Gerard said, using the back of his hand to wipe his eyes.

“Your head clear?” Frank asked, in the same tone of voice.

“It’s… y-yeah,” Gerard replied, sniffling but sitting up straighter, trying to prove himself.

“Could you find the body if you had to? Or could you tell me where it is?” Gerard’s face started to crumple a bit and Frank grabbed him firmly by the shoulders. “All you have to do is nod, okay? Just nod or shake your head.”

I love this dialogue. How calm and collected Frankie is, in contrast with how unstable and frightened Gee is.


“Can I kiss you?”

It was an indeterminable amount of time; a second that lasted an eternity; a moment when time stood still, before finally, finally:

Gerard nodded.


YOU MAKE MY HEART BURST WITH THESE WORDS, VONN.

“Now you don’t think about it anymore,” he whispered into Gerard’s ear, soft and sensual, his breath hot and misty. “Focus on me. On this. Let it go, for now. Can you do that for me?”

Gerard suddenly found himself unable to speak again, but instead of nodding, he leaned in and kissed Frank, and the kiss was so passionate that he made his own knees weak.

I love this.

Gerard laughed - actually laughed, something he thought wouldn’t happen for the rest of his life - and jumped into the shower, turning on the water before he turned around to face Frank.

Oh that sentence made me happy. Very happy. I love to picture him laughing. More than anything.


If I copy and pasted every bit that I thought was worth mentioning then I might as well have pasted a link to your own damn story because the entire thing was beautifully done, detailed and heartbreaking in a beautiful sort of way.

I think this story was brilliant beyond words, Vonn. How you fit in Gee murdering someone, Frankie’s dad in the Mafia, Pete, and beautiful shower sex. ~~
Only you, Vonn, only you.


I love you, baby.

I'm not very good at these, but I read this and just...so many things stood out to me.

He didn't have to hold his hands up to the fluorescent light to know that there was blood caked underneath his fingernails - he could feel it underneath there, sticky and red and somehow threatening.

Holyshit, Vonn.
That image...just..the fact that he knows it's there..and is leaving it there. It's really symbolic to me. I can't really explain it.

The dim lighting of the laundry room softened the harsh lines of Gerard’s body, and for a moment, Frank was frozen. Blood was smeared on his pale skin, obviously clotted and old, but still somehow vibrantly red enough to look
threatening.

That imagery. :cheese: I loved the combination of clotted and vibrant to describe it. Beautiful.

But Gerard didn’t move. For one terrifyingly vivid moment, Frank thought, He’s dead, but then Gerard’s eyes flew open and he sat up, his movements slow, and for another terrifying moment Frank thought, He’s a fucking zombie, but then Gerard opened his mouth and tears gathered in his eyes and he said Frankie, that you? with his voice tiny and cracked and then Frank knew that it was only Gee, just Gee, not a zombie and definitely not dead.

I read the first line..and automatically froze. I don't know why or how I'm already this pulled into your characters, but the way they interact, and the character development is amazing.

...taking a swig of the drink and a drag of a cig every few feet or so, when it happened.

I loved the swig of the drink, and drag of a cig. It's poetic without meaning to be, and honestly beautiful.

The knife slid out easily and Gerard had time to think of how potent the smell of fresh blood was before he buried the knife up to the handle in what he guessed was the guy’s jugular, because blood spurted out and got all over him.

:cheese: I had to reread this a few times, as it's a little heavy for one line, but ohmygod. The tone and the mood of this line is so powerful it honestly sends chills down my spine. It's so quick, and so urgent. :cheese: It's like he went into a blind rage he couldn't climb back out of. It's perfect.

“Are you a fool, son?” Papa asked softly, his eyes never leaving Frank‘s.

“No, Papa.”

This.
Thisthisthis. :cheese:
I have no words. These...they're so powerful and they demand your attention. It's like a rhetorical question, it needs no answer. It works alone, but the fact that you worked it into everything else..compiled it into the midst of your story, and made it originial and your own..it shows what talent you have, Vonn.

They were not the eyes of a crazy person. Not the eyes of a murderer. They were the scared eyes of a boy...

The character development, and the pure beautiful imagery in this line make such an impact on this story. Just...you have this way with words, and the pure poetry that allows your stories to flow, and capture people along with it.

The kiss was warm and real compared to the cold plastic of the rest of the night, or at least that’s how it felt to Gerard, and they kept kissing until Gerard started to shiver from what was either cold, arousal, or a combination of both.

This was so unexpected...just, the way you placed something warm into a very cold and dark setting. Stunning.

The water was covering them both, and Gerard’s skin was almost completely clean of blood. Frank’s almost-muscular chest slammed against Gerard’s almost-concave chest, the water heating up the friction between their two bodies, the non-stop movement of their tongues heating up the friction in their minds.

I simply adore the repetition here. The emphasis was perfectly placed in exactly the right spots. Well done.

I honestly can't sum up what I think about this piece. It's beautiful, and heart-wrenching, and just..

The ending was so perfect, with the pain in their sides and the laughter. You did a beautiful job, love. Your writing is utterly phenomenal.