Deafened by Your Screams - Comments

Awww. That was so good. And so sad. How dare you do this to Jamie! T_T
..uhmm... yeeeeeeeeah, anyway.

I love the Rhys and Mike thing, and it was clever because you came up with all those similarities and comparisons and they're all so real as well. Even though they aren't brothers they are similar in those ways and it does seem very believable that they could be related- i wouldn't have thought so till i'd read your description in this, though. So yeah, neat!

Rhys was adorable, btw. just.. wanna pinch his cheeks and giggle.

The opening with Lee wandering around and thinking about Ian was... hmm, it wasn't bad, and it was interesting what with the depth it added to Ian's character... but at the same time it felt like i didn't have a chance to really get into it cos it was so short, you know? However, i will believe you that it's not a filler.=}

also, lee twisting his ankle? AWWWWWWWWWWWW. dumbass.

Oh Jamie. ._. Jamiejamiejamie. It's....tragic. And heartbreaking. And i'm glad i'm not in a hormonal state because this coulda made me cry. The way Lee described the gradual realisation that Jamie was crying was just... oh, i couldn't do it. >.<

Loved it. More whenever you can, and i look forward to it. x

Apologies about the wait for feedback. I've just not been in the mood for a lot recently, but I'm in a better mood tonight so figured I'd get some reviewing done!

Part Two
I liked learning about the back story to Ian and Lee's relationship. I liked that they've been together for a while, it shows that they can stick by each other through everything - I mean, they must have had ups and downs within these five years so it's nice to see that they are still together after all that time, it shows that they have staying power and also that they really do care about one another. It's really sweet to read and I really loved how you wrote the introduction to them because it worked so well.

Idk, maybe it's just me but I don't think the sex scene worked very well. I mean, it was written well and everything, but I'm not sure it fitted in with the whole part. In my opinion, I think the whole Lee/Ian moment would have worked better without the sex scene.

The second half of the story was just...wow. It really made me feel for Jamie. It's like he wants to go through everything alone, even though he knows that there are people who really care for him and want him to be okay. He just wants to lock himself away and suffer alone. “No, no, it’ll be ok. I’ll fuck off soon.” And it's lines like this that really help me to empathise with him as a person. From these words it just gives the impression that he thinks that he's just a burden. Ian was just trying to help him and Jamie is just constantly worrying about if he's being a pain to others. I don't think he can see that people just want to help him, he seems to be closed off to the rest of the world.

And Jamie hasn't been able to get closure yet. It was only a few weeks ago, and it was easy to see how cut up about it Jamie was. He's not really had time to get over this yet, and he's still in a state of mourning. It's almost like he's become undead too, what with walking about in a daze like a zombie because he just feels so low about what had happened. I think he feels a bit helpless because of the fact he wasn't able to protect her because she was away in university.

He just wants to hide away but he knows that would be a bad idea. But he refused to talk it through which shows that he is still hiding away. I think he understands that his bandmates would worry if he was to just disappear, and his way of coping is just by closing up and refusing to speak about anything.

Sorry to quote a hefty amount here! he was just piling one layer of eye make up over another; his eyes in general were strange. The dark shading of them was so focused and alert, but not on anything around him, he was deep in his own thoughts, all too aware of them I think these few lines really sum up Jamie in general. He's just not thinking about himself any more and he's not thinking about his surroundings. All he can think about is his loss and the fact that he's struggling to cope. And it's so depressing and upsetting to read. It's just so real and raw, almost makes me want to cry myself from desperation for him.

Ian is just so...worried. Ian sighed slightly, a pained look on his face from watching such a good friend go through this obvious angst. He's trying so hard to include Jamie and make sure that he's not alone, but he just can't stop his friend from sinking further and further into this pit of depression, and the more he tries to pull him out, the more Jamie sinks in. It's really sad to read and it's like Jamie has lost all hope. Now that he's lost his sister, things just seem so pointless to himnow.

The last line was really hard-hitting. Seeing him so cut up about Jamie was nearly as bad as seeing Jamie himself. It's like the story has gone full circle, in a way, because we end up back at a Lee/Ian moment, where it's obvious to see how strong their relationship is. Lee is even worrying about Ian as well as Jamie, because it's really obvious that Ian's worrying about Jamie.

Great update! Can't wait for more and sorry it took me a while for this. I've just not been in the mood for much recently.

Oh wow, I'm really sorry I haven't left feedback in a while for this.

Lee's chapter was really interesting to read and really entertaining. He has a quite different way of thinking to Sean, obviously more mature, but it's more than that. He has a sort of very quiet confidence, almost a strong sense of self-satisfaction... whilst Sean is, i would think, a bit louder and more in your face, yet he doesn't really know what he thinks about most things, yet. Sean's sweet though, and i did really feel for him. The whole thing of leaving one house alone to spend time with the other half of your family, and then going back to find everyone's changed? I identified with that, and it was really well written. It tugged at heartstrings without being too depressing.

Speaking of heartstrings, Jamie. Oh my god. I was upset by that section of the chapter, really was. But it was gorgeously written. The whole description of what happened to him with Jess was a real tragedy, and he is an image of what is left behind after tragedy- emotionally and physically. The whole part about his eyes and everything? That was so vivid and so disturbing in a way. I think the most powerful part of that chapter was: "it was sad."
Just because... there was all this description and explanation and everything was just building up but the reader hadn't had time to decide how they felt about it. and then you just explained it with three little words, and it really was the truth. Quite simply, it's a sad state of affairs, and that hurts.

The description of Sean on the train with his sprite was spot on. Hurtling across the country.. that's how it feels on those things sometimes, especially if you're going to weird places that you're not used to any more. And arriving would be scary at midnight in Ponty. Scary in a big way.

The description of Jay was possibly the best thing ever. I love that in some ways, things went right to normal with Jay going on about Sean being fat or not being fat, and Jan just wanting to make a cup of tea and calm things down. All very believable family dynamics. :)

It was sad how Sean felt guilty for not being around, and also sad how his mum was like "no, i understand" because she didn't, not really. ._.

but yes, ultimately, very good! more when you can, please.

I'm glad I came across this story. I love it.

I love how the first chapter really set everything in about what was happening. And how Sean and Gavin were just watching from the window like they know they're safe there, but they're still frightened. Sean's so sweet in this. He's such a daddy's little boy, it's cute and him and his dad and everything, they seem real down to earth and like real people.

I'm looking forward to reading about Sean and what's going to happen to him.

The second chapter is so good too. I think you write Ian in the most perfect way. And Ian and Lee are such the perfect match. It was nice reading from Lee's point of view and how he was always the one in charge. I also liked how in this chapter, we only really remembered the whole demon, world ending thing when we learn about Jamie's sister. The whole "it won't happen to me" sort of attitude kind of feels like it sums up just how everyone that's not in London or Birmingham or lost someone feels.

I don't really know what else to say. Other then I'm quite looking forward to finding out how Sean's and Lostprophets' stories cross. I think this is gonna be one very good story.

I didn't know this was posted until I saw your post on twitter. I would have read it sooner otherwise, cause I love supernatural stories like this.

Part One
I love the way you opened this part, it was already sinister from the first sentence and it pretty much set the mood for the whole story. It really interested me to read and I was instantly filled with questions about what was going on and everything just seems so...ominous. It's like all hope has gone already, and they're just sat there looking out the window at the death and destruction that surrounds them. It's quite scary and it shows what Sean's father has to fight through every day.

And it's here that I think something is wrong. I felt Gavin shift beside me, an uncomfortable sound falling from his lips. Something isn't quite right here. I get the impression that the two of them are used to situations like this, where all the undead are outside and stuff, but something isn't right. Gavin's reaction shows that he's not at ease and that he's really anxious about something. He can tell that something is wrong and he's scared. And Sean's reaction to what he says sort of reiterates it, what with the fact that he's absolutely petrified because he's so helpless stuck inside this house. His fear is written in such a scary - yet completely - believable way, so kudos to you for that.

I'm really glad that you explained the whole situation with the undead situation because I went into this story with a lot of questions and they were answered pretty much straight away. And it wasn't described in a way that was just listing a bunch of facts, they flowed really well and effortlessly slipped into the story, not being out of place at all (if that makes sense? Only sometimes I read a story that needs to explain a few things and it's just done so woodenly. This is so much better). The detail you went into was good too, what with describing how to tell them apart and how they took over.

Sean is just so shaken. My body was stiff, even thought it was over, I couldn’t be sure if it was safe. My mind rushed with possibilities, horrid thoughts of my father being possessed or brutally killed by an onslaught of pissed off spirits. (sorry for quoting a lot) Even though the attack finished, he's filled with constant worried thoughts because his father is in the front line of the defence and he worries about his safety a lot. It's easy to tell that the two of them are close and I think that Sean doesn't really like the fact that his dad is defending the country - even though it's a necessary job - and he just wants his father to be okay.

And then his excitement at seeing his dad was okay. I jumped out of my seat and rushed into the hall, relief spreading over me like a cool shower after a fever. I think it's the fact that he'd been gone for so long that made Sean even more relieved to see him, but I also get the impression that he does feel relieved when his father comes home safe for another day.

This description made me giggle. I’d be seeing the spectacled weirdo tomorrow anyway; I’d seen him every day for the past five years. It's obvious that him and Gavin are close because whilst Sean playfully mocks him, it's also made clear that they spend a lot of time together and they know each other well. You've written their friendship really well and I thought it was sweet how they banded together because they were the people who nobody really paid attention to in school.

It was good how Sean didn't instantly twig that they weren't going back to their home in London, and it took him a while to work out that they were driving to Wales. Like, at first he thought that the road was blocked and that they were still going back to their home, because going to Wales just seems like the last thing on his mind. He's just grown accustomed to living in London and always being around Gavin, and now he has to quickly adjust to this new knowledge that he'll be going back to Merthyr Tydfil and his dad won't be with him.

I like how open-ended it finished, as well. Nothing is really resolved and the reader is left wondering about what will happen to Sean, Gavin and Sean's father. It definitely made me want to read on because I really am intrigued as to what will happen now!

---

I will review part 2 at another time because reading about LPs is making me feel frustrated because I can't go and see them on their tour, and I don't want it to affect my feedback.

Very good! I'm enjoying reading this, it is better then most stories I read on here.

Hey, so i'm leaving my proper feedback now... I am sorry it took me so long.

I really like the initial idea of this story. Apocalypses (sp?) are usually interesting to read, both in the sense of how the author depicts it happening and the ranges of reactions and emotions you see in characters. This brings me to the characters introduced so far... Sean being the main one. He seems like a real sweetie in this! Which is a change from the "shameless" style incarnations of him. I like him a lot though, he has all of that false independence teenagers tend to, what with being determined he will not be going to Ponty, and his dad just so obviously having the final say in it all.

Gavin hasn't really featured enough for me to make a proper decision about him. At first he seems quite sort of... anti-social, somewhat like he doesn't care very much about Sean and doesn't bother to talk to him. But then I was thinking about it, and I imagine it could be more of a coping mechanism. The first thing he says is "It’s been hours... They never hang around for this long.” Which shows that he does care, and shows he's scared inside. I like the way he's really subtly described and developed, it means that you really can go deeper into this story and find your own interpretations so far. I don't know if Gavin's going to feature again at all now Sean's leaving... but I'd be interested to see how his character progresses.

Sean's dad seems like a good guy, too. He obviously loves Sean with all his heart and just wants the best for him, like any parent. He just wants his boy safe again, and he's very down to earth. I find myself warming to the relationship between Sean and his dad... probably because there is a mutual respect there for starters- i can't stand really bratty characters.

The description in this chapter is really vivid and intense. "we stared up at the black, swirling sky. Thick jets of what looked like darkened steam flew through the air." I love the picture inside my mind now, because it really does look like the end of the world- which is the point, duh, but I just mean... it did what it was meant to. You can really tell from descriptions like darkened steam that Sean and the people of his world are just suffocated by this unexpected, unprepared for apocalypse. Physical description Sean gives of himself has a similar trick- "My heart thumped powerfully beneath my ribs, seeming to shake my entire body with its pulse." He tells me he's feeling more than just worried, he's feeling helpless, two lines later, but it wasn't even needed. You just know from a description like that that he's experiencing extremely unpleasant emotions and worrying like crazy. Poor sausage.

I want to read more, i want to see what happens next, who Sean meets, how he copes and whether or not the world ends!

I'll leave proper feedback later. :cute:

S'good, though. :mrgreen: