June 14th, 2010 at 09:52pm
Hello, how slow am I when it comes to reviewing? Well I've done as much calculus as I can manage and I feel very stressed so I figured I'd destress by coming and reviewing this, which I believe is nearly a month overdue (which I feel absolutely dreadful for, hopefully this review will make up for the horrific wait). Anyway. I'll stop waffling and get on with it. :)
I thought the way you opened it was really sad. Die had never been much good in the mornings...always clinging rebelliously to that last inch of sleep long after he was meant to be up It shows that he has a hard time putting on a smile in the mornings and although it's been said in the character description that he was an optimist and has a smile for everybody, I do get the impression from this little bit that he does struggle to motivate himself a little bit, especially with what happened with Kaoru earlier. I think that he's a little bit wary about going to school, now.
And this says a lot about Die's reluctance. He couldn’t help but be angry with his parents, especially his father, for moving here. I think that at his old home, he at least had a few friends - even if he was bullied for his disability - and in this new place, he has nobody because Kaoru doesn't "approve" (if that's the right word to use?) of him and nobody wants to go against Kaoru because he's one of the popular kids and what he says goes. It made me feel really sad to read the bit a little earlier, from when Die was described as being uprooted from his small town because that was where he felt safe.
Immediately his reluctance becomes more apparent with this line. maths was his first torture session of the day It was just the way it was described - as a "torture" session, rather than something he just "dreaded". It was a much better description and it helped me to see exactly how much Die does not want to go to maths because it involves sitting next to Kaoru (something I can completely empathise with, for the first few weeks of my maths course this girl would tag along with me and sit next to me, she was the most dull person ever and she smelt bad, and this is irrelevant to the story but yeah, basically I know how Die feels. )
The bit with Kyo was really sweet, what with him telling Die to refer to him as "Kyo" instead of his embarrassing as fuck birth name. It shows an informality and it was nice to know that Die does have somebody, even if it's one of the people who would be considered ~uncool. And this line in particular was really beautiful. being instructed to refer to his friend in a personal way made him feel wanted, trusted and respected, something he’d rarely felt before. It was nice to know that Die felt accepted by Kyo and it made me feel happy that he's been accepted by Kyo, who doesn't really give a damn about reputation (which is the best to be, really).
I think Die hit the nail on the head, here. It was something that pissed Die off no end, especially since the blond boy had seemed so much more intelligent than the rest of his so called friends. To be honest, I think Die has more friends than Kaoru. I mean sure, Kaoru is popular. But these "friends" of his aren't real friends, they're just friends with him because it's the cool thing to be. I don't think any of his friends are really genuine like Kyo is with Die, and it really emphasises the fact that just because you don't have many friends doesn't mean that the friends you have aren't any good. :)
Aww Die. :( His disability didn’t affect him too much usually, he was optimistic enough for it not to drag him down...but there were bad days too and today was one of them. I think this reiterates my whole point earlier of Die sometimes hiding behind a smile. I like how you focused on this because it was good to see a darker side of Die because it gives his character more dimensions and holds my interest further.
It was sweet how Die's mum crumbled and let Die go in late without quizzing him about why he wanted to skip maths. It shows that she cares about him, and would prefer for him to be happy, over anything else. And this, His mood had brightened considerably and it amused him how much it had improved his morning by not having to turn up to that dreadful lesson. It's kinda sad how Die's mood suddenly brightens due to the fact that he doesn't have to go to his maths lesson and he gets to avoid Kaoru for another day.
Sorry about quoting quite a bit here. Kaoru had learnt his name was Takamasa and then forgot it again within ten minutes. It didn't really matter. They didn't even speak to each other much at all. As long as people knew his name, he was happy. I think that people just seem to be disposable to Kaoru, he doesn't care if he never speaks to them again, just as long as they know who he is. I think that's a really selfish attitude and shows that he's quite a lazy person, what with not wanting to make an effort to maintain friendships.
However, I like the fact that Kaoru is getting eaten away by worry about Die. His conscience is finally starting to creep through and he's starting to feel a bit guilty about being mean to him, what with him missing Die sitting next to him. It amused me how Kaoru breathed a sigh of relief when he caught sight of Die, too. I'm really interested to see where you're going to be taking this relationship between them and you've definitely got me intrigued. This is such an original idea! :) Loved this update and once again, I'm sorry about the wait.
I like how Kaoru is just so...unaccepting (is that a word, lol?) of what his sexual orientation might be and the person that he's feeling attracted to. He knows that his mind is wandering to Die, but he doesn't want to find him attractive because he feels like it's wrong for a person to be gay. It's almost abnormal to him and that's kind of sad that he's gone through life like that, incredibly closed-minded because of what his father had said in the past about these sorts of things.
This was very good; I thought it was a really effective description. There was something charismatic about the redhead, he exuded an aura that drew the blond in. It's quite poetic and an interesting way of describing Die. It's like he's in his own little world and Kaoru wants to join him in this little world, but he's holding himself back. He wasn't attracted to him, surely?
This was really sad. His father had always taught him that and then when he left, his mother had continued to give the lessons...But, he still didn’t want to be gay, he wanted to be loved by his parents and treated like their son, instead of being disowned and abandoned. He's been brought up to believe that being a "different" sexuality is wrong, because of his parents, and I get the impression that maybe he doesn't have a close relationship with his parents. I think he feels that if he acts exactly to his parents wishes, then that might make them love him a bit more. I think that it's all been emphasised by his father leaving, and having to satisfy two separate entities, rather than just his parents. They're like two separate people, rather than one strong family unit, and I think that's affected Kaoru more than he's let on.
I thought Kaoru's insight into his mother was particularly interesting, what with the fact that he could tell that his mother held his father in high regard, despite the fact that he'd run off with her best friend, and her way of coping is just to see as many other men as she could, to try to take her mind off him. I think her relationships are always short-lived though because she just wants her new partner to be like Kaoru's father. But he never is.
Oh Kaoru, so shallow with no concept of money. :( The clothes he had were so last season. Plus, someone else had the same jeans he had and that was problematic. This sentence kind of makes me want to slap Kaoru in the face and tell him off for being so obsessed on appearances and thinking that money grows on trees. :tehe: I think this is the key difference between Kaoru and Die. Kaoru is seemingly more interested on what is on the outside, meanwhile Die is more interested on what is on the inside.
One of the things I like most about your writing is the fact that you can go from serious to amusing between paragraphs and it doesn't end up sounding forced or fake. Wait... what the hell? Luscious? A small growl left Kaoru's throat. I don't know what's the most amusing thing about this sentence. The fact that Kaoru is getting angry at himself for describing Die's lips as "luscious", or the fact that he actually had to growl to try and tell himself that what he was thinking was wrong (well, wrong for him, anyway). Brilliant XDD
I very much liked the way that Kaoru described Die's hair - long, endless scarlet hair that fell in messy ribbons around Die's shoulders, getting in Kaoru's way every single maths lesson. It starts off being really poetic and beautiful (I especially liked the fact it was described as ribbons, it was a clever metaphor), and then he ends up insulting it because he doesn't want to accept the fact that he finds Die attractive (well, not yet, anyway XD) so he tries to compensate by saying that it's just a hindrance and is just annoying for him because it gets in his way. Kaoru is so stubborn, lmao.
The point of view switch confused me at first, it might have been more helpful to put a little divider in the story to emphasise the change. But saying that, I think the little bit in Die's point of view was one of the strongest parts of the story. I liked how Die's family was described as being really close, emphasising the fact that him and Kaoru really are polar opposites.
I really like how you've written Die and Kisa. It's really obvious how close they are, because Kisa always seems to understand just what Die means without him speaking a word. She really understands him. In some stories like this, it all seems a bit wooden and it's like when a mute is communicating with somebody else, it's like the person is reading the mute's mind, but you've written this really natural and I like how Kisa is able to read Die by his body language and expressions. Really good.
I liked being able to see Kaoru through Die's point of view, since the start of the part was very Kaoru-centric. I found it interesting that Die views Kaoru as his arch nemesis. If only he knew what this arch nemesis was thinking about him! XDD
I love how Kaoru has gotten really paranoid. "I'm not fucking gay!" He yelled at the poster on his wall, shouting in the face of one of his idols, who appeared to be watching him suspiciously. It's as if he feels like everybody is judging him and everybody has their eyes on him to see what his next move is going to be. He's worried about what people think of him, more than anything, and he can't come to terms with the possibility that he could be gay. He just doesn't want it to enter his mind - he has to be straight in order to remain as the leader as the popular kids. He doesn't want to lose his social standing, it appears.
I loved how awkward Kaoru was with speaking to Die. It was actually really cute. :lmfao It's funny how he's the coolest kid in school and everybody wants to hang out with him, but he can't seem to bring himself to be able to speak with somebody who he finds attractive. It's really adorable. XD And the fact he just starts off the little conversation between the pair of them by talking about PORN of all things. I thought that was highly amusing, it just shows how awkward Kaoru feels and how little he appears to know about starting off conversations. :lmfao
And finally, the ending note of the part. Kyo's comment just made this part for me. XD I hope you felt privileged, Die-kun. You best mark it in your diary. November twentieth. The day Kaoru Niikura pulled the stick out of his arse. LMFAO. I love how Kyo isn't afraid to speak his mind! And I liked how it was a back-handed compliment; he made fun of Kaoru but at the same time complimented him for taking the time to show some kindness to somebody.
Great update. And I will leave feedback for the other part soon. :)