Lust Filled Beats - Comments

I prefer innocent patrick to be honest but wow

You should write a Gabilliam. It'd be awesome. XDDD

OMG. that was so good! freakin awesome! i give it a 10.

I absolutely loved how you added those certain splashes of humour, particularly around Gabe and William. The characterisation of those two was so perfect; loudmouth Gabe and the way that William was embarrassed by him.

The sex was just.... -dies-.
Stories like these restore my faith in the writing ability of... ooh, about 30% of Mibbians.
I'm so reading some of your other writing.

rawrr.
that was just...too sexy for words. :D
i like how you described the dancing as "like sex with clothes on"...great choice of words :D

The Way:

I feel so... corrupted.:tehe:
I really do.
Sorry for the insufficient review.
But it's just...
I myself feel violated. But not really in a bad way. :lmfao

:tehe:
Oh. God. Can I just say that was incredible. I can't find decent Petericks at all around here, but this has pretty much taken the cake.
I love the role reversal, how Pat's in charge, he's usually meek and under-developed character-wise, but you put him out there in the front, and he had nothing to lose. I love the variation from his uncertainty at the begining, to his power in the middle, to his uncertainty again.

He heard Pete's small moans behind him, his hot breath on the shell of his ear - that sent shivers down my spine, I don't know why, it was fairly simple, but it conveyed the scene really well.

The animalistic gleam in his eyes only seemed to turn Pete on more - Pete is such a whore, he'd get turned on if anyone even so much as looked at his dick :P Your description and emotion was portrayed perfectly.

"Oh Gabe." William's moan echoed off the walls, just like Pete's had a couple of minutes ago. Pete smirked and Patrick snickered, guess they weren't the only ones affected by the addictive dancing and lust filled beats. - Gabe and William are undoubtedly my favourite pairing. Your references to them throughout the story and their involvement was utterly priceless. It was humourous but sexy at the same time.

Overall, I would have to say, that it is perfect (:

Friggen hot.

I LOVE how you did the sex scene, babe...

...Makes me suspisious as to if YOU'VE gotten a blow job.
jk,jk

But. Just wow.

Sorry this reveiw sucks.

I feel so... corrupted.:tehe:
I really do.
Sorry for the insufficient review.
But it's just...
I myself feel violated. But not really in a bad way. :lmfao

I don't read Petericks's but I have to say that I loved this :D

What I loved the most was Patrick's fluctatuion -And the fact that unlike most Fall Out Boy fictions of all sorts , it wasn't about how Pete feels and what Pete does-. The changes of his mood and perspectives. The gradual process of him fitting in - from when he first came with Pete to the club to when he went on the dance floor- was very smooth and worked out very well. Most people have trouble in that but you pulled it off very graciously.

He heard Pete's small moans behind him, his hot breath on the shell of his ear. He smirked, grinding back harder, teasing. For once he was being the adventurous one, the flirtatious one, the spontaneous one.

Your writing style is beautiful, how you described Patrick's and Pete's relationship was clean cut and pretty easy to comprehend .

And in the bathroom stall I liked that -though it was a sex scene- it wasn't all about the sex. I'm glad to see that some one actually took time to dig deeper than that and insert some emotion , without only describing the actions.

The line Stuttering, submissive Patrick was back. was a nice touch. It showed that after the new side of Patrick had emerged it wasn't really him , but the heat of the moment. Which meant that this whim of being the dominant lover wasn't intentional but an impulse.

The last paragraph made me smile , it was very much a fitting ending.
Alas, I really enjoyed it and I'm thankful that I did take the time to read it. : )

That was beyond awesome. I have a soft spot for Patrick. I guess you could say I'm a little obsessed, but just a little. It would kick ass if you wrote an entire Peterick story.

I really loved this story. Small certain sentences made the story that much better and it was well written.

Already I have to put this: the oh-so-wonderous .

The ENTIRE [Yes, that deserves capslock and italics] had me in awe, Master Jess. I reread it several times and each time I envisioned the scene beyond perfectly in my head. It's not so descriptive that it just forced images onto you, but it leaves a little room for the reader to choose their own little quirks, which [to me] is how a story should be written.

"A...um...sex on the beach?" Patrick said uncertainly, hoping he didn't make a complete fool of himself.
:lmfao I can already sense that you're going to insert your awesome humor into this. Hmm, sex on the beach drink... where can I get me one of dem?

So when Pete asked him to come, pulling that cute pout he knew could get Patrick to even commit murder, how was he suppose to say no?
I like how the attachment that Pat shows for Pete is made evident in a humorous, almost side-note kind of way. It makes you go all, "Awww, Stumpy looooves his Petey."

He held the glass up to Pete's lips, watching as he drank the alcoholic beverage. His eyes followed his boyfriend’s tongue as it swept across his lips, catching the small droplets that had escaped the glass.
You've got me sweating already, Master Jess. It's the simple things [like feeding your boyfriend from a cup] and noticing almost inferior details that give this an extra hit. It's not direct 'OMG, UR SEXII!' attraction right away, but it builds up. Very nice.

Paragraph 18; line 2: ...his own slightly fruity owns. Bolded should be ones, I would assume.

Patrick was about to say something but was cut off by Pete's excited girly squeal.

"Oh my god! They're playing one of our songs!" Pete said, looking at Patrick; who still was looking at Pete oddly. Did his boyfriend really just scream like a girl?
I can totally envision Pete squeal like a girl! :lmfao :lmfao Once again, I love the humor. It's not so overbearing as it overruns the story, but it's still clear and helps keep the story going.

For some weird reason, song titles are usually all capitalized. So it should be 'Thnks Fr Th Mmrs' rather than just having the first word capitalized.

The sea of moving bodies seemed to invite them to join their dancing orgy.
That has the perfect combination of humor and poetic-ness that I have ever seen. I'm so serious...

The way you described the music and the clubs' surroundings had me [once again] visualizing everything so easily. The way Pat feels for the club is all too realistic. You have this way with words that almost puts me in a stupor. It seems almost too good to be true... and the sex hasn't even happened yet. :tehe:

Master Patrick...he liked the sound of that.


I've never really been one to review sex scenes, so all I can give you for that is - BRILLIANTLY HOT. It wasn't all sappy like my sex scenes and it truly displayed [what I would imagine ] two men sucking each other off in the bathroom. Seriously, Master Jess, you've got to write more porn.

That was AMAZINGGG.
I loves. The ending was so good. ^_^

...
OMGOMGOMFG.

That was...just...I can't really find the words for it. I read it yesterday, read it again, and read it again today. I haven't been able to review all that well because it hurts to type, but I'm going to manage a good review here. I believe this story deserves it.

I loved how the name had something to do with the actual story - describing the club in such a seductive way - how it "unleashed" Patrick from his shell and seemed to bury Pete in his own. The opening scene was just as brilliant as the sex - little hints of seduction and making us wait was an awesome way to pull us into the story.

"Yeah, I just couldn't resist Williams tight ass so we-" William's face turned bright red, his hand rushing up to Gabe's mouth so fast he couldn't finish his sentence.

A bit of the story seemed to have a tint of humor to it, but that sentence just totally made it for me. Their reactions to it made me smile and I could tell you, it was a lot easier to read. The characters there were believable, as I've always seen Gabe more agressive and William more passive.

I also loved how you made the action begin with Pete realizing that they were playing one of their songs. To me, it matched him. Turned on by cockiness ;) (Also, Thanks Fr Th Mmrs seems like an awesome song to get your dance on among other things >_>)

The sex...was fucking hot...I can't really ellaborate on that...but I think you might know what I mean...it really was hot. And I liked the love memos in between, it was so sweet

He'd never felt anything like this, such emotion, such feeling. Not worrying about anything, just letting go.

Little sentences like that made the story.

The only criticism I have for this story is that I didn't find Patrick's drinking all that believable - but it's like that for every story I read about any of the band members drinking out of highschool.

But other than that...you certainly gave a good name to the Peterick I've invested about 80% of myself into ^^

Heres your review, as promised on the cult thread. I'm sorry if it's a little short, I'm not one for long reviews.

The moment he stepped into the overly crowded dance club it all rushed to him at once; the musky smell made from the close, dancing bodies, the light fog from the smoke machine that seemed to swirl around in the air, dancing to its own mysterious song.
That Sentence, just drew me in. It was almost as addictive as you described the music in the story, actually, I loved your descriptions of the beat and such. Your descriptions were great. You're very talented.
I found no spelling/grammar mistakes, btw.

I think the way you portrayed both Pete and Patrick was right. Pete, very forceful and Patrick, very shy, well at the begginning and the end anyway XD.

I also loved, this sentence:
Unleashing something in you that not even you thought you had. Letting you feel free, wild, and sexy all at the same time.

The only thing I can say about the layout, is that at the end, when the picture appeared, I had to higlight the text to read it, but I'm not worried about that.

Well Done, or should I say, Well Written. I really liked it.

And to think, you were AFRAID of posting this! You silly-Jilly, this was kick-ASS! I applaud you, my dear!

This is good. Me likey! *wiggles brows*

this is real good. I like it..